More of an update

I know that some of you would greatly prefer that things were all doom and gloom-some of the naysayers charge that all we IVAW members have to offer is negativity. Well, it's a great day outside, and I'm in a great unit with what seems thus far like awesome leadership, so you're all going to have to suck up some positivity.

Once again, I'm not going to name my unit, because they don't deserve the letters I'm sure they would then get from people who don't have anything better to do with their lives. But thus far, the first sergeant and the CO seem to both have their head screwed on pretty tight. Both of them have had a lot of experience, and they seem to understand the Army motto I live by: sometimes things and times have to suck really, really hard. Give your guys as much good times as you can afford, because the day will come when their lives will suck, and they may need that balance. They also seem to take the tack that it is who you are, and what you do for the unit, and not your political views, that matter. I haven't caught any trouble from that Army Times letter, and everyone has been just as helpful as ever.

IVAW in Germany is also very warm and open. Members of IVAW have helped me out, not more than my unit, as was the case back in the States, but about as much as my unit has. I also expect membership to start taking off at any moment, possibly even rivalling the US. People everywhere here seem really aware of the problems in the military caused by the Iraq Occupation. In fact, I have yet to talk to anyone here who thinks the war was a good idea.

Speaking of IVAW, I have once again updated my SGLI (Servicemembers' Group Life Insurance) at yet another SRP..and once again, IVAW comes in for a share of the proceeds. Idealogical opponents with quick tempers and hastier fists, remember if you accidentally kill me, IVAW comes in for a chunk of change! Well, a member, at least, because I couldn't figure out how to leave money to an organization on that form. But that member knows what I want them to do with it.

The cartoon I got the idea from is old as hell, and here. Just for those of you guys who like Vietnam so much.

Back in Business

Alright, as some of you knew, especially those of you who read the foreign newspapers, even by way of Babelfish, the fuss and commotion and vacation was caused by one thing: my PCS overseas to Germany. It’s a major deployer, and perhaps it’s my cynicism that causes me to expect to be wending my way from there to sandier parts. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a lot of regret at leaving the States, whether I do or don’t wind up visiting places my iMac warrantee won’t cover (They were very pointed about telling me that as soon as you get any sand anywhere in it, it’s done). There are a lot of people that I miss in the States, some of which I didn’t get to say goodbye to. It was in fact a nice surprise to see that, political views aside, as soon as I arrived various companies were fighting over who got to have me. That's either the nice thing about having particular skills, or a really sad statement on how desperate everyone is getting for manning. I'll let you decide. No, I won't tell you which unit seems to have won for the moment, they're a good unit, full of people I've served with before, and don't really need random people trying to light them up for the crime of not murdering me. I should be able to do some really good and useful work, if in fact I stay with this unit, and nobody else ends up winning. They're also offering to try to fix all the things that my last unit jacked up.

Some of you out there will cheer to find out that half of my family has completely disowned me for my IVAW work. I would like to take the opportunity here to alleviate some of their concerns about potential fallout and point out that Gunnery Sergeant Coppa, of the United States Marine Corps, currently serving on his fifth deployment in Iraq, has no knowledge of my political activity whatsoever to my knowledge, and therefore, anyone who thinks that he supports it is probably wrong. Yes, he’s family, and I love him very much whether he supports me or not, and hope for his safe return. But anyone who might have been hassling him because of me is barking up the wrong tree: his politics are his own. Oddly, the other half of my family seems to be taking the MFSO path; I seem to have precipitated my own miniature Civil War. I think everybody's Christmas presents are probably going to be in blue and grey.

Another thing I’ve been talking about has finally materialized. With thanks to an artist who made the design possible(who will be named as soon as he OKs it), I have now acquired what I refer to as “my IVAW tattoo”, though it is far more than just the logo, and reflects a lot of my more personal beliefs. The tattoist was shocked that my first tattoo, I chose to sit through thirteen hours of stenciling and needles, but I believe that if I’m going to do something, I may as well do it right. It is now permanently emblazoned on my arm, and I am very proud of it. I believe that if something is in your heart, it is moral cowardice not to share it. Photos will be forthcoming as soon as it heals. For those of you who are critical that my first tattoo is "not feminine enough", and purely military-related, I promise to take a butterfly-and-roses lower back tattoo into due consideration as soon as my first frontal lobotomy is complete.

I have seen the movie Stoploss, and will in fact be reviewing it for SITREP, which is the only reason that I'm not posting about it here. Suffice it to say that I was favorably impressed. Also, if you have PTSD, don't see it alone. I know I say that a lot, but I do like giving fair warning. I have not yet seen "Body of War", though I have been able to listen to the CD, which is absolutely fabulous.

There's a lot of stuff going on in the blogosphere I haven't really been able to react to. Now that I have more stable internet access, I will attempt it-but not today.

Vacation, and tattoo murmurings.

Alright, folks. Taking a "vacation" from blogging. I have a lot of stuff to do in a few days, and after that I will be in an area where I will have to switch my internet coverage, and it may take some time. I will officially be off the blogscene for about a week. I know there's some stuff floating around there that needs correction, some stuff that needs posting about, but it will just have to wait a week.

In other news, there is a fabulous artist who is currently involved in designing a tattoo for me. I never thought I'd be getting one, and I'm definitely not letting anyone else choose any components, but there are a lot of feelings in my heart that I don't think are going away. There are some great ideas which I hope can come together in a visual design. If it does, I will keep everyone posted on the status, and possibly take some pictures of the process.

To Get My Street Cred Back...

I promise, IVAW isn't always sappy.

Thanks, Kris, for helping me to prove it.



On the non-IVAW side of the house and related to Things That Are Angry, Calm Before the Sand has returned from Iraq and resumed blogging again, and his posts are real doozies, from talking about those who would glorify war in fiction to his post on the 4000th death in Iraq, which deserves not just a link but a quote:

It hasn't ended. It's not going to end. Don't talk to me about "honoring the sacrifice of our veterans." I sacrificed, without complaint, and you pissed on it. You threatened my life, threatened my career, told me I was a lesser human being for speaking out. No, I say: you don't get to say a word. YOU are no longer a part of this conversation. For five years, FIVE YEARS, we listened to you in your cries for more blood, more treasure. We bowed to your dreams of secular Arab utopia, and look what our passivity has wrought.

I'd also like to introduce a new blogger...an active duty soldier with IVAW Fort Hood. Name is confidential, but I have high hopes for this self-starter, who also happens to be pretty damn funny.

This should be a wakeup call to the millions of Americans who don't even care enough to register to vote, let alone get off their asses and protest. This war will not end itself. Congress will not write itself and Washington, DC will not fill itself with people against this immoral, illegal war, and the "man" who started it. Don't throw your voice away! Don't wait for this November to come around. If our ancestors had this "wait it out" mentality, we'd all have a bunch of British soldiers sipping our tea living in our houses.

Winter Soldier: The Sappy Post

Thank you.
To every one of the hundreds of servicemembers and veterans of IVAW who were able to physically join us, thank you.
Thank you to those who took part in the photo, as well as to those who were still sleeping in, working on the media team, the testimonial team, the logistics team, or any other team I've forgotten that were too busy running around getting all the work done to take part in an attempted group picture.

Some of you are going to accuse me of being too sappy, but I'm going to say it: we are forever bonded. You will always be my family. No matter what position you happen to fill in that family (and yes, annoying little sister and obnoxious big brother are both already filled), or even if you become that alcoholic uncle no one likes to talk about, we will always be family. Any of you can always come knocking on my door at three in the morning. Come tired, and I'll give you a bed. Come hungry, and I will feed you. Come sober, and I'll give you a beer if you want one.

Remember that this is only the beginning. Remember that the St. Crispin's Day speech could as easily apply to this as to a battle. Remember that even if the music is corny, it is absolutely right: we have a sacred charge; we have a duty; our honor compels that we will change the world and make it better.

I love you all.

Jason Mattera and Selective Reporting

It's come to my attention through Michelle Malkin and Jon Lilyea of This Aint Hell, that Mr. Mattera, whom I met at Winter Soldier wearing a media badge, had done a piece about Winter Soldier and asking various individuals whether they would sign affidavits.

An exciting story, some might say, especially those from the pro-war side. It's billed as IVAW on the whole being unwilling to sign affidavits. It would be an exciting story, and quite a scoop for Mr. Mattera....

...if it were true.

Those of you who have encountered me know many things about me. One of which is that I do not hesitate to call people out on both sides when I have personal knowledge of a situation. Another is that I don't call people out unless I'm sure they're in some way being deceptive. I invited and hosted conservative milbloggers, and while I might not be happy with all of their stories, it was not my place to make editorial comments.

One thing you may not know about me, and you certainly would never get a hint from the story that Jason Mattera ran, is that I, too, had the dubious pleasure of being interviewed by him.

Mr. Mattera didn't seem to enjoy the interview, though. After all, I said in the first few minutes that I had signed sworn statements, and while I couldn't produce them immediately, I was happy to do so again. In fact, anyone who ever wants me to swear to anything I say, break out the forms and witnesses, and I'm happy to get them done. I also talked about patriotism, and loving America, and pride in the Army. As this conversation went on, Mr. Mattera appeared to get a bit of a sour taste in his mouth. It's almost as though that weren't the story he wanted to hear. While he reluctantly agreed with me that America was in fact the greatest country in the world and it was our responsibility to keep it that way, I had a sense that he couldn't wait to put down the mike and the videocamera, and leave me for more tempting pastures.

Mr. Mattera, unlike certain other gentlemen, greatly ignored the rules of the event. If you look at the video, you will see him interviewing Jason Hurd by what looks like Jason Hurd's POV. This would be in the makeshift parking lot. That means that he broke outside of the main hall and harassed people getting things from their cars to do interviews. Why might he do a thing like that, when there were literally hundreds of IVAW members in the main halls? Probably because he wasn't getting the answers he wanted. The answers he had to selectively cut and paste to even attempt to make a video, that doesn't really say what he wants it to say.

Mr. Mattera, one might ask why my voice and those others who stated they would be happy to sign statements on the spot weren't included? You accuse IVAW of selectively choosing what they present, yet you are guilty of the same thing yourself. Most of what you have to show is people saying "I can't speak for other people". Not them saying they wouldn't do anything, but them saying they can't advise anyone else on what to do. Because it's frankly not their business. They're speaking for self, something I was always taught to do in the military.

I've left some comments on this video, and I've also taken the step of calling the YAF and asking to speak to Mr. Mattera. He declined to take my call, but I have left my telephone number on his voicemail. We'll see if I get a call back-but somehow I doubt it, given the extreme lack of journalistic integrity Mr. Mattera has displayed.

After Winter Soldier

Winter Soldier. I really need to blog about it in depth. To blog about everything that happened, everything it meant, the ups and the downs, the wild whirlwind it was. (I can afford to get lyrical, now that I'm publicly out as being female. You can all live with it.)

But I can't just yet. It really was too intense. I know a lot of people elsewhere in the blogosphere are laughing at the thought that mental health folk might be needed. I know a lot of people are talking negatively about the VVAW providing security and in some cases mental health assistance.

But mentally strong as I would consider myself to be, the pace of Winter Soldier and the emotional, mental, and physical requirements inherent in it nearly broke me down. And a very kind VVAW gentleman, whose name I wish I could remember, helped me up. It really helped to have the older vets explaining that they had lived with these things for years, and some of them had found solutions to them.

When you put a whole bunch of people with PTSD together and throw them into a stressful situation that forces a lot of reliving things people would prefer to forget, it's pretty tough. Someone elsewhere commented on the fact that the audiences for the panels were not mainly OIF/OEF vets. This is true-primarily because the OIF/OEF vets had the majority of recent experience with combat and conflict and simply could not sit through the testimony about it comfortably . You take someone with PTSD and offer them a chance to sit through a two hour presentation guaranteed to trigger it, let alone many of them, many of them will say, "Thank you, but no thank you." It's simply self-survival. I don't know a single IVAW member who sat through every panel. This reason is and was a major factor. People were pretty hyped up just having to talk about things.


For me personally, it was also a very different experience: appearing publicly meant that you are, quite simply, public. There's no way to avoid it. All of us were interviewed six ways from Sunday, including by quite a persistent conservative gentleman, who seemed actually disappointed that I loved my country and was quite willing to swear to anything I said under oath, and had already filed sworn statements on some of my intended subject matter. Denis, I think you may have given him unrealistic expectations.

On the subject of interviews: I really can't speak many of the languages that I was apparently interviewed by and translated into. So I will have to rely on the Babelfish translation of one or two of the interviews, when I state the following corrections:

First, and most important, I do not "prefer" to speak English. I speak English. I prefer to speak English only in the sense that I prefer to speak rather than remain silent. This is much in the same sense that I prefer to eat food rather than starve, and wear clothing rather than run around naked. I do not have any other languages fluently. While I speak bits and pieces of Latin, Greek, French, Italian, Korean, Spanish, and German, if I am required to do anything rather than curse, ask for the bathroom, or talk like a three year old, I must use English, because it is the only language I have the ability to do it in.

Secondly, my family also did not 'flee the revolution in 1979'. In 1979, my father and mother, who are both native-born Americans, born in Brooklyn, New York, which I understand can occasionally seem like another country to those of you not fond of NYC, were probably eating pizza in their Brooklyn apartment. Their parents were in fact immigrants. However, it was over fifty years ago.

If any of this is inaccurate and I am maligning the paper which published this, I blame Babelfish. Or perhaps, my decision to speak in my 'preferred' English. Otherwise, there could be a great article on how I love Taco Bell, I feel so-so, I do not love the war, and it is very cold outside. Perhaps there would have even been time for a fascinating detour into the exciting world of where precisely the library is, and how my house would be their house.