Active Duty Patriot

Soldier to be Court Martialed In Iraq, Away From Counsel

2010-02-05T14:58:00.001-05:00

US military plans to extradite stop-lossed Iraq war vet to Iraq for court martial over protest rap song

Fort Stewart, Ga. – The US military plans to extradite a stop-lossed Iraq war veteran to Iraq “within a few days” to face a court martial for allegedly threatening military officers in a protest rap song he made.

Spc. Marc Hall has been jailed in the Liberty County Jail near Fort Stewart, Ga., since Dec. 11 because he wrote a song called “Stop Loss” about the practice of involuntarily extending military members’ contracts.

"It is our belief that the Army would violate its own regulations by deploying Marc and it would certainly violate his right to due process by making it far more difficult to get witnesses. It appears the Army doesn't believe it can get a conviction in a fair and public trial. We will do whatever we can to insure he remain in the United States," said Hall’s civilian attorney, David Gespass.

Gespass claims the Army's attempts to deploy Hall violate Army Regulations 600-8-105 and the Army's conscientious objector regulations. Hall applied for a conscientious objector discharge Monday. The military’s move would also separate Hall from both his civilian legal team and military defender.

"The Army seeks to disappear Marc and the politically charged issues involved here, including: the unfair stop-loss policy, the boundary of free speech and art by soldiers, and the continuing Iraq occupation. The actual charges are overblown if not frivolous, so I'm not surprised the Army wants to avoid having a public trial," explained Jeff Paterson, executive director of Courage to Resist.

An Iraq Veterans Against the War (IVAW) member, Hall served 14 months in Iraq. He was scheduled to end his military contract on Feb. 27 but received a stop loss order that he would have to stay on active-duty to re-deploy to Iraq with his unit.

"Marc served his tour of duty to Iraq honorably,” said Brenda McElveen, Hall's mother. “To his dismay, he was told that he would be deployed again. When Marc voiced his concerns over this matter, his concerns fell on deaf ears. To let his frustration be known, Marc wrote and released the song. Marc is not now nor has he ever been violent."

Using stop loss orders, the US military has stopped about 185,000 soldiers from leaving the military since 2001. An additional 13,000 troops are now serving under stop-loss orders. President Obama said he thinks the practice should be stopped.

Hall, 34, was charged Dec. 17 with five specifications in violation of Article 134 of the Uniform Code of Military Conduct, including “wrongfully threatening acts of violence against members of his unit.” His arrest came about a month after 13 people were killed in a shooting incident at Fort Hood, Texas. Hall, whose hiphop name is Marc Watercus, mailed a copy of his “Stop Loss” song to the Pentagon.

Based at Fort Stewart, Hall said the song was a “free expression of how people feel about the Army and its stop-loss policy” not a threat. “My first sergeant said he actually liked the song and that he did not take it as a threat,” Hall added.

A South Carolina native, Hall wanted to leave the military to spend more time with his wife and child.

Hall’s song: http://marcwatercus.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/stoploss.mp3

A copy of the US Army’s press release about transferring Hall to Iraq is available on request.

IVAW is a national organization of veterans and active-duty service members who have served since September 11, 2001 – including those who took part in Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom. IVAW also is dedicated to fighting for adequate physical and mental healthcare, full benefits, and other support for returning veterans.

FOR MORE INFORMATION, VISIT WWW.IVAW.ORG

Did You Really Need A Survey To Find Out The WTUs Are Broken?

2009-12-04T00:03:00.004-05:00

Today I checked my AKO email for the first time in a little bit, and found a survey ostensibly from General Cheeks, wanting to know about the WTU system, what was helpful, what was not. It was phrased in relentlessly positive seeking which drove me a little bit crazy. (An example: It had 'What has your greatest challenge been?' but did not list a place where you could put down all the things that were actually screwed up with your unit or the WTU system.

Hopefully the Army will forgive me for saying so, but I'm just a little skeptical of the redemptive power of surveys. In my time in the Army, I've taken Command Climate surveys as regularly as the changing of the seasons, and I can't recall a single instance in which any of the issues we raised were fixed as a result. At best, we would get a face-to-face with our commander, who would put powerpoint slides on a projector and explain why our problems didn't matter. Sometimes we would get promises that answers to our questions were going to be compiled and made available to someone else, who we could then check with. (I'm looking at YOU, Wiesbaden Garrison)

I know that the naysayers are immediately going to comment that none of the problems listed were probably real problems. This is entirely inaccurate. Problems that I knew were listed ranged from "Commander is sexually harassing soldiers" to "Pay problems are forcing me to literally starve" to "Our unit is falsifying paperwork". And maybe the answer is that things were happening behind the scenes, commanders were being yelled at quietly for their units getting so bad. And that's great and all, but it still leaves the soldiers with the perception that no one cares.

For example, the WTU system. Some problems I can think of offhand:
1) Despite it supposedly being a place that focuses on transition, from my experience and that of other soldiers I know, once you actually start transitioning, they don't tend to give a damn. The WTU was envisioned as a place where all your problems could get taken care of. It's supposed to be one of the things helping to stop disabled vets from turning into disabled homeless vets on the corner. And it's doing almost none of that. There's a lot of focus on transitioning back to the force, but for all their talk, they are almost useless at helping transition to civilian life except for making time for you to go to ACAP.

2) Discrimination within the system. Providers take their own prejudices (from what counts as a Real Injury to Where You Were Injured) and apply them to the soldiers. We had one soldier who had an injury to her back from an accident in the leadup to deployment. She was pretty much treated like her injuries were immaterial. But another soldier who had a similar injury, but got it downrange, was treated like gold. Or the weirdest part was when soldiers would come in with multiple injuries, some received in combat, some noncombat. There would be discrimination on the /same soldier/ about their injuries-some would get treated and cared for, and others would be judged "not relevant" even though they were more disabling.

3) People are trying too hard to get soldiers out the door so they don't actually have to take care of them. I've heard this from everyone from squad leaders to nurse case managers to first sergeants and commanders. The WTU is not supposed to be a long term assignment, or so they say. The thing is, though, if the WTU isn't supposed to be a long term assignment, what DO you do with people who are complex care longterm? What do you do with people who still have not reached Maximum Medical Benefit? (The point at which they decide whether to medically discharge them or not) You have someone receiving multiple surgeries and having to recover from them. They need a WTU, they're not capable of functioning in a real unit. But because of the prejudice against having soldiers there longterm, someone is trying to hurry this soldier out the door, to their detriment.

Any other WTs who want to chime in, let me know.

The Fort Hood Shootings: My View

2009-11-06T19:26:00.003-05:00

Now that all IVAW members of the Fort Hood chapter have been accounted for, I can breathe a little easier, and will give some of my thoughts on this situation.

The first and foremost is that it IS telling that the shooter is an Army psychiatrist. It's telling for a lot of reasons, and yes, whether or not the shooter himself had PTSD, it does relate to the Army's PTSD treatment.

When I first began receiving treatment for my own PTSD, I had to deal with a couple people who were flat-out incompetent. At one point, I was in an intensive therapy situation, and a Major that I dealt with tried to give me some "helpful advice" - that I should deny my PTSD to anyone who might care about me until they'd known me for years, at which point it would then be appropriate to spring it on them. This Major, who I wish I remembered the name of, spent more time talking about her own sex life to me, and her own personal life issues, than my trauma. This woman was in no position to be treating soldiers, and especially not in the wing area I was, where a lot of the soldiers had been medevaced out for trauma.

What did I do? I complained. What happened? Really, nothing. They added my formal complaint to a stack of other previous complaints, and said every complaint helps to build a case.

This was far from the last terrible military mental health treatment I received. If it were not for one provider I saw within the last six months, I would still to this day think that there was absolutely NO quality mental health care in the Army.

Let's be honest: the military mental health system is breaking. If it's not already broken, it is definitely breaking, hard. It cannot sustain high quality mental health care for the number of soldiers that need it. So what are they doing? Well, they don't have the funds to attract truly competent civilian providers in the numbers they need. We don't have scads of psychiatrists trying to sign up for the Medical Corps. So the military does what they can with what they have: which includes not looking into their own very closely.

Whatever this major's reasons, whatever went wrong in his head that he thought trying to murder an entire roomful of soldiers was okay, I am not going to argue here. The fact that I hope no one will dispute is that he was absolutely crazy at the moment he did so, and crazy does not, counter to some people's beliefs, happen overnight.

Let me make it clear: I am not interested in arguing here whether it was secondary PTSD or garden variety crazy or religious fanatic crazy. I don't know, and at the moment, I don't care. Any of these three still add up to crazy, and none of them happens in a vaccuum.

Where were the screenings? How did none of his fellow psychiatric colleagues recognize that this man was a problem? No, not a problem because he was a Muslim, not a problem because he may have been against the war, but a problem because he was FLAMING FUCKING CRAZY and they were IN A JOB WHERE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO RECOGNIZE CRAZY.

And if they are not competent enough to recognize a major crazy problem in someone they work with every day, how are they supposed to recognize problems in soldiers they only see for one hour a week?

A Letter From Seth Manzel (With My Personal Appeal On Top)

2009-11-05T07:32:00.003-05:00

Allow me to remind you all that the cost of being a sustaining donor is very low, and the things that can be done with it are incredible. Speaking purely from the membership and active duty perspective, for $5 a month, you can ensure that 12 member packets can be mailed to new members. For $10 a month, you can ensure that 6 active duty organizer packages are mailed to members in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Remember that these things are crucial and necessary. If fellow members of the peace and veteran community can't help us by spreading this cost around and shouldering some of it, it will be falling squarely on our organizers - often those who can afford it least. Because this work must and will be done, and we are absolutely committed.

Without further ado, I give you the appeal letter from Seth Manzel, on IVAW's Board of Directors.

Letter from Seth Manzel,
Iraq Veterans Against the War Board of Directors

Dear Friends,

Since the election of Obama the public perception has been that the wars are winding down and that the objectives of the peace movement are now being embodied in the Administration's policies. A common myth that is being perpetuated by the media is that we are preparing to withdraw from Iraq.

These lies that Americans are telling themselves may make them feel better about the Obama Administration, but they are of little consequence to the Soldiers who are being deployed at a rate not seen since the surge. The lies mean nothing to the families left behind by soldiers going to spend a year deployed in the most dangerous period of the conflict yet. They mean even less to the widows who will never see their partners again.

We have forgotten the people of Iraq who have to live under the corrupt and dangerous puppet government that Obama is supporting, and we are all to quick to look the other way at the dead bodies piling up in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

Iraq Veterans Against the War has not forgotten these things and we are one of the few groups out there who are still speaking out on these issues. One only needs to open major publications like the New York Times, The Army Times or the Stars and Stripes to see that we are getting the word out.

But we aren't just talking about the problems. Recently, IVAW sent a delegation to Iraq to help bolster Iraqi oil unions fighting back against corrupt and exploitive oil companies. Our members were participating in direct action in the latest round of G20 protests. Some members are actively involved in pressuring politicians to end these ruinous conflicts.

IVAW needs your support to continue our work. Without continuing help from the Peace Community we could not continue our work. Please, become a sustaining donor for IVAW and help us bring about an end to these wars by clicking on this link.

Thank you for your support,
Seth Manzel, IVAW Board of Directors

P.S.
Please repost this and spread it far and wide. Your help is appreciated.

Not stopping

2009-10-26T09:12:00.002-04:00

I can't even begin to describe the frustration that I felt over seeing blog after promising blog rise up in the milblogosphere, only to die down after a short period of time. Sometimes the writer came home, and so the deployment blog stopped. Sometimes they got shut down by their command. Sometimes they just stopped blogging, and no one could figure out why.

Anyway, that's not going to be me.

Something I've noticed over the past week is how people get treated differently according to the differences in their symptoms of the same disease or condition. I'm sure it won't be a surprise to longtime readers of the blog to hear it once again: I have moderate-to-severe PTSD. It manifests in a lot of ways, but the coping skill that I've tended to take and run with is overwork. If you throw yourself into your work, you don't have time to think. If you're working long hours, and giving your heart and soul to something, your heart and soul don't have to think about how they may have been damaged by trauma. If your fight is every day in the work you're doing, you don't go seeking it out externally.

It sounds great, to those people who haven't done it. "Oh, yeah, you work too hard, what's the problem?" Certainly not nearly as bad as my fellow sufferers, some of whom wind up with major substance abuse problems and getting in regular barfights.

But to look at these things as separate problems is to do a disservice to both.

To look at me and say that because I'm working really hard, I must just have a good work ethic, and not have a problem, is to completely ignore the underlying facts. When I had some time to adjust to having days off, with long blocks of time accountable to none but myself, I couldn't handle it. I had to be working. I could not /survive/ without working. I recognize that this is unhealthy-but it's hard to find someone to talk to about it.

To look at vets with substance abuse and problems with the law and to say that they're just bums, no-goods, that they have a problem but they don't have to be that bad, is also not doing them any favors. Everyone finds their own addiction to take their time, energy, and thought off the real problem. The fact that mine was work and theirs was dissolution doesn't make me any better than them. At the same time, it doesn't mean that they're having symptoms any more severe than mine-it just means that the manifestation of their problems is causing their lives to objectively suck more.

IVAW's Resolution 3 (Nonviolence Resolution) Passes

2009-10-06T08:19:00.000-04:00

There was some confusion over resolution three resulting from a clerical computer error in the tabulation of online votes. The Board has released a statement giving more details of the error which they will be emailing out and passing to the membership. However, the resolution was in fact passed by a majority of IVAW voters and currently stands:

Resolution proposing that IVAW only use, supports or endorses, non-violent and peaceful actions

Whereas there is no official statement regarding Iraq Veterans Against the War’s stand on methodology for achieving our goals; namely, ending the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, ensuring all returning veterans have adequate health care, and repairing the damage done in Iraq and Afghanistan by the occupations;

Whereas calls for violence and sabotage are both illegal and immoral, and will only serve to do great damage to Iraq Veterans Against the War’s efforts to end the Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan;

Whereas any endorsement, passive or active, of violence would lead to IVAW being banned from active duty bases, Reserve centers and National Guard armories; being declared an extremist organization and thereby making it illegal for a member of the military to become a member of IVAW;

Whereas, the Board of Directors has stated that it is the position of IVAW that only non-violent, peaceful methods are to be used to accomplish our goals;

Therefore be it hereby resolved that Iraq Veterans Against the War only uses, supports or endorses, non-violent and peaceful actions in seeking to accomplish its goals of ending the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan; providing proper medical care to all returning veterans and repairing the damage done by the occupations.

Additionally be it resolved that any member found promoting violence in pursuit of the goals of this organization, will be subject to immediate discipline, including the termination of his or her membership, in accordance with the procedures outlined in the policies governing termination of memberships."

A Different View

2009-09-30T15:49:00.003-04:00

I think I have a little different view than some of the other milbloggers about the VA's attempts to make everything right on the Post 9/11 GI Bill. And I think that view just may be connected to the fact that I'm still on active duty, and have within the last few months tried to get dollars back from Uncle Sam that I was owed.

And that is, man, at least the VA seems to be /trying/.

Sure, it is far, far from perfect. And yes, they did owe the veterans those payments already, and it has been a magical clusterfuck to rival all clusterfucks.

But how many times have you had to deal with some brilliant but poorly detailed plan in the Army? Something grandiose got thought up (usually by officers) and it was always a great plan, but the devil was always in the details, because officers always forgot about things like how many people they had available and how much equipment there was and gee golly whiz, soldiers need sleep too.

That's about how I feel about this VA situation. Except it's SUCH a brilliant plan that as long as they can roll with the FRAGOs, I'm thinking it's still good news.

I was a fan of the "Drive to your VARO and get a check" answer, but maybe that's because I'm used to being posted at lonely outstations and having long drives to get anywhere. For example, now, if I want to go see the company area, it's an hour-and-a-half drive. Three hours of driving doesn't seem too much for me. I am carefully avoiding stating how many miles that could entail, lest any police be licking their chops for my over-the-speed-limit ass. Anyway, I recognize it's not for everyone.

And you know what? So does the VA, with remarkable speed. They came up with a kludge, a quick fix, a way to duct tape it together so it will work. That's what they did the first time with the concept of checks at all, and that's what they're doing now.

So now, thanks to the VA (Which I've had to compliment twice in one week, what's with that?) you can now get your emergency checks arranged for online, with a six day turnaround time from the moment you sit down at your computer and make with the clicky clicky to the time the check is in your happy happy hands.

This is really good news and once again yet more evidence that the VA is slowly creaking its way towards the 21st century (and who knows, maybe I can hope for a delivery of automated 9/11 GI Bill processing sooner than Dec 2010?)

Also, fellow milbloggers: if the IVAW chick is more hopeful about government implementation of taking care of veterans than you? You're wrong.

Shinseki, I forgive you for the Beret: VA to issue Emergency Checks to Veteran Students

2009-09-27T10:44:00.003-04:00

Many of you know I've had a love-hate sort of feeling towards now-VA Secretary Shinseki, dating back almost ten years. For those of you who were in the military around then, you will instantly understand why: Shinseki, for all of his other sterling qualities, gave us the beret. Hot in summer, cold in winter, it had absolutely no redeeming qualities besides doing away with the garrison cap.

However, there's been a lot of faith there, given his courageous stand against Bush on other issues.

That faith has now been justified to such an extent that I think it has more than made up for any petty grievances I might have had over horrible uniform items. (And really, with the ACU so much a better and more convenient target, it was about time)

General Shinseki (Okay, okay, Secretary Shinseki) has ordered the VA to release emergency checks to veteran students who are having rough financial times staying in college with the late Post 9/11 GI Bill payments. This is incredibly amazing, especially given the stories of people like Suspect who have been dropping out of school because of the problems with the GI bill. I am really, really glad that the VA is listening to the veterans it serves, and also applaud the veteran's organizations (not just IVAW but IAVA and VoteVets and AWV and SWAN and the American Legion and the VFW and any I'm forgetting) for staying on top of them and reminding them of the real costs of the delays.

However no amount of voices will avail anything if people aren't listening, and I don't want to take any of the credit away from the VA for actually doing so. First listening to the veteran bloggers and organizations at Thursday's roundtable and now this: I have to say I'm sporting a big warm fuzzy for the VA at the moment.

The VA also understands that not everyone can get to a VARO (VA Regional Office) quickly, which is why they're sending representatives to schools with large veterans populations, so that they can get the help desperately needed where it is needed the most. Veterans, help is on the way. Starting Oct 2. Stick it out until then, and you'll be able to make it. Things are going to be okay.

Now, for how you can actually get this:

Show up Friday, Oct 2, at your nearest VA regional office
Bring:
a photo ID
a course schedule

Personally, I'd take along a DD214 as well, but that's just me. The only two things the VA are requiring are the above.

VA Bloggers Round Table On Post 9/11 GI Bill

2009-09-26T10:15:00.003-04:00

First, I'd like to say that I really appreciate the efforts of Brandon Friedman, Director of New Media over at the VA, for getting the VA to acknowledge the ways that people receive media, and that so often it is via the internet rather than print newspapers. There was a really excellent Blogger's Roundtable for military veteran bloggers and representatives of veterans service organizations via the phone, Assistant Secretary Tammy Duckworth and VA Deputy Director of Education Services Lynn Nelson taking the time to discuss the delay in GI bill payments with veteran bloggers and answer their questions. I really appreciate this-I think it's much more likely that the information in its unabridged form will make it to veterans than when it hits a newspaper and has to conform to space restrictions. I especially appreciate it as Duckworth was traveling on behalf of the VA and still made time for us and our concerns.

Veteran's benefits is a big piece for me, it's the IVAW mission that I think I do probably the most work on, because it's one of the most important: making sure our returning veterans are taken care of fully. So getting the chance to participate in this and help our members and other veterans and get answers was very important.

I think one of the most valuable things that came out of this was a little more clarification on where the problems are. Secretary Duckworth said that while 277,403 veterans have submitted for eligibility determination, (and that they've processed 205,704 of those) they cannot send checks to those people. They have to wait for the schools to send enrollment certifications, and a lot of the schools are apparently waiting until the ad-drop period to do this. They have received 27,735 enrollment certifications, and of those, they've processed and sent out 24,186.

So this is where (by my math) 71,699 students were as of Thursday. Much as I am quick to blame the VA usually, to be fair, this means the bulk of the problem is quite possibly indeed in the schools and with communication. Using the numbers Secretary Duckworth gave, that's (my math) 249,668 veterans whose schools have not sent enrollment certifications, and (my math) 177,969 veterans who have gone as far as they can in the VA system without the enrollment certification and are now waiting on the schools. Granted, it's hard to tell how many of those are actually trying to go to school this fall. Some may have simply wanted to create eligibility for later. But that is overwhelmingly the largest number of screwed veterans in this situation, and it seems to be coming from bad communication and the schools.

Some possibilities I'm thinking:
schools are, as Duckworth says, not sending until after ad-drop period
schools and students are not aware that they in fact do need to send it for payment to start
schools are not aware where specifically to direct it to

They do seem to be working on this: spring survival guides were mentioned to improve the communication issue and apparently more reaching out to the schools is going on to ask them to cut their veteran students a little slack.

Duckworth also assured us that Shinseki is really aware of this and receiving daily reports.

Terry Howell, from military.com asked a really important clarification question: whether or not certifying officials at the schools need to wait for that eligibility determination to certify that the veterans were taking classes at their schools. This is really important, and I'm glad he asked that. What Ms. Nelson told our fellow vets is that they do not. So what this means for you, is that as /soon/ as you are in the school system as attending for that term, you can start bugging the bursar/registrar to get them to send the information to the VA, /even/ if you're still waiting for your eligibility letter. This means you can do them simultaneously, and cut down your wait time massively. Some colleges, especially those dealing with Yellow Ribbon Programs, will need the eligibility letter, but if the GI bill covers your whole tuition, do it now. Tomorrow, in fact. If you are enrolled in school and are still waiting, you should go to your school tomorrow and ask what the status of the certification of enrollment is.

The mention again was made: they pay you housing after the fact, rather than before. I think this is a really lousy way to go, personally: rent is due before you start living there, not the month after. I understand that the VA is most likely trying to protect itself from fraudulent claims, but we are talking about veterans who served honorably. Could we not assume as a default that these guys are more likely to be honest, and take it back afterwards if it's found out they didn't deserve it? VA did accept fault, however, on the call, for failing to communicate to students that this would be happening, for which I applaud them.

What I also took from this call is that VA is working around the clock in order to get this done-VA employees working massive overtime on weekends, etc. They may not have anticipated the full demand, but they're doing a lot now.

Also, I know a lot of you guys have been talking about how when you call in, the VA has no clue where your stuff is at. I did ask about this, about what sort of tracking system they have and why everyone is getting such bad information. This is because, according to Secretary Duckworth and Ms. Nelson, the status of your claim is not visible until the authorization has been signed and the payment has gone out. Before then, they are not able to track at all where your claim is at. That is apparently not going to change for a while, but for next year, they'll have improvements-they estimate December of 2010 for a fully automated system that will fix a lot of these problems (as well as potentially have your results in an amazing ten days)

More confirmation for those of you who were a little unsure: they reaffirmed that if you completely use your MGIB, all 36 months, that you're still eligible for 12 months of the Post 9/11 GI Bill.

One thing the VA is doing well: they pointed out that if they owe you money, if you're owed back pay by the time the VA processes the claim, you will get it right away, you don't have to wait until the first. The payment will go out the day it's finished being processed.

Richard Smith of VoteVets made a really important point I think that applies for all of us pressing the VA on this. He mentioned some details of his own situation, and they offered him a personal followup. However, he pointed out that it wasn't for himself that he was asking, but for the other veterans. A solution that helped only him would not be a solution in his eyes. We're not out for ourselves. We're out for our brothers.

By the time of this writing, there has in fact been action on the VA, but it is so outstanding that it deserves its own separate post. However, this call in and of itself was pretty amazing, and I applaud it.

On My Shit List (edited): Places that don't provide assistance to AE or AP addresses

2009-09-19T14:00:00.004-04:00

Right now, top on my shit list is Ebay. They just did a new "improvement" that requires any address entered into their system to choose their state from a pull-down tab. Great, fine, it spares all those idiots who can't be bothered to type two letters into a state field. Great, right? Not so much. Because nowhere under United States is there "AE or AP, Armed Forces European/Armed Forces Pacific" or any variant thereof.
And unlike many places that have the pulldown tab and a manual entry tab, Ebay has been idiotic enough to eliminate the manual entry completely

After spending a lot of time on the phone arguing with the helpdesk person from India that Armed Forces Europe existed as a state, that the US Postal Service would confirm that they cheerfully deliver to it every day as a state with no extra shipping charges, and that they deliver to inside the United States, she finally pointed out that if I wanted to count "APO/FPO" as a separate country, I could make it happen.

What does this mean, aside from the fact that ebay is full of retards? That military people currently serving overseas buying from Ebay are going to start running into problems with idiots who insist that they're buying from outside the country and should be paying international rates, despite the fact that it doesn't cost international rates to ship to APO/FPO.

It's short sighted and stupid. I can tolerate it when small companies just learning the internet ropes make this mistake, but when a major, multi-billion dollar company makes this mistake? It is flat-out offensive.

Anyway, so I decided to start a list. I'm looking for contributions as well, so anyone who finds another company who does not offer support to military members stationed overseas by:
not allowing them something so simple as a manual tab
refusing to ship to APO addresses
does not acknowledge that APO addresses count as part of the United States for shipping purposes

shall be listed here, and hopefully be a little bit shamed.

New GI Bill Snags: Really, Is This What We Fought For? (Updated)

2009-09-10T09:57:00.006-04:00

Army of Dude has a post up with some answers to those GI Bill questions that aren't answered anywhere on the VA website. Everyone, I warn you before you go there to read, sit down, and make sure there are no small children around, because you're going to want to curse loud and long after you see it.

Most of my issues relate to the housing thing. Why is this a big deal? Well, I'm a single mom who hasn't gotten child support for four years. Not exactly rolling in the bucks. Once I get out and start going to school, whenever that is, I doubt things will be improved by my no longer receiving a steady paycheck. And like AOD notes, the people you rent housing from are notorious about wanting to be paid /before/ you actually live there.

The other item that seems like it's going to be absolute shite is the fact that the VA is going to be coming up with a magical number of days of school you need to be enrolled for in a month before it estimates you as worthy of receiving full housing allowance that month. I'm sorry, VA, maybe you live in Magic McShinyHappyLand where the fact that your budget is going to wildly fluctuate depending on your school schedule is not a problem, but the rest of us don't. Veterans are the group who can least afford to be fucked with this way, and it's going to play merry hell with the scheduling.

Army of Dude's a little more positive about this than I am. Part of this is because AOD is a little bit more positive a person than I am (you hear that, unicorns, migrate over that way now). Part of this may also (I'm not sure) be because AOD wasn't walking the halls of Congress stumping for an improved GI Bill before it was a twinkle in Jim Webb's eye. And he may not have had the experience of having politicians look him in the eye and say, "Don't worry, we're going to take care of you."

Shinseki, where the hell are you on this? Dude, I'm willing to forgive you for the beret. I AM WILLING TO FORGIVE YOU FOR THE BERET. That's major. I have hated the beret for the past eight years with an unholy passion. But I'll forget about it all. Just do your damn job, please. Fix the VA. I promise, I won't ask for anything for Christmas ever again, especially not a pony.

UPDATE:
Got some clarifiation from Army of Dude, who's a gentleman and a scholar. He has clarified that the issue of how many days is how many days you are enrolled for that month, not which days you actually attend class. I'm still not thrilled with the way the GI bill is being implemented, but that makes me want to beat it over the head with a blunt sledgehammer a little less. Also, he has been on the GI Bill thing as long as I have, and I am a jerk for assuming otherwise. He put it more nicely, of course. It's that whole gentleman thing.

The world still moves

2009-09-09T05:00:00.003-04:00

Sometimes it seems as though no major changes happen in the Army, at least not with any sort of swiftness. For example, I've been using the self-service options on Army Knowledge Online (AKO) to check on the status of some paperwork in Washington. Every day, it has the same status: submitted, paperwork open. It's becoming, despite myself, almost comforting in its incompleteness-familiar. Army slow on paperwork-yep, tell another one.

Then sometimes it seems as though they move all too quickly. I have to say that for the last eight months, I've had a pretty decent squad leader. He's hated my politics, but hasn't held them specifically against me or treated me any differently because of them. He's avoided triggering my PTSD whenever possible and has allowed me reasonable accommodation. Normally, I'd be afraid to mention that having him as a leader has made my life easier, because with the harassment I've been under for this blog and my IVAW membership, I'd fear a transfer. However, at this point, it doesn't really matter, because he's already being transferred. It's something he wants, going back to a line unit, so I can't really be too bitter. But at the same time, I'm wondering who the Army is going to put me under. Will it be the squad leader who already has multiple sexual harassment complaints against him? Will they bring in a new squad leader?

Never fear, I'll keep you all posted as soon as I learn more. And I'm going to do my best not to let it spoil my leave.

This Is Where We Stand: Broken Soldier

2009-08-24T14:38:00.002-04:00

The latest piece is out from Zeiger and Displaced films, This Is Where We Stand I highly recommend that everyone check out the website itself, because there's a lot of great stuff there, and information about the individuals.

Their latest installment contains some of the testimony about veteran mental health issues that came out of Winter Soldier. It also contains some footage of one of the most gruelling processes of the event-obtaining testimony. As I may have mentioned before, I was a part of the Verification team, the crew of IVAW members who did interviews about testimony and helped to confirm it and get evidence. I can't talk about individual details, but there were so many soldiers who had not expected some of the questions..they had stories, but not ones they were ready to testify about yet. We respected that. But the testimonial experience itself was very difficult, just hearing all of the stories and seeing these guys was painful.

Best to Zollie Goodman.

Broken Soldier from Displaced Films on Vimeo.

I also realized that I completely forgot to promote the last webisode, as well, so here it is. The first stage showed here is a Winter Soldier planning session, far in advance of Winter Soldier, still hammering out all the details.

Why We Fight 7/21 from Displaced Films on Vimeo.

Warrior Writers Website is Live!

2009-08-20T16:35:00.002-04:00

Some of you may have experienced the incredible experience which is Warrior Writers. Veterans and servicemembers, getting together to turn their experiences of war in a positive and healing direction.

Some videos of past Warrior Writer times:

But really, what you should do is go check out the new stuff which is complete and ver impressive, at www.warriorwriters.org. You won't regret it. Also if you are an IVAW member and are interested in writing or other forms of art, I highly encourage you to get involved with them, they're great.

"Now that we're in a recession, we can afford to be picky about the terrible NCOs we tolerated for years.."

2009-08-17T14:44:00.002-04:00

Today's issue of the Stars and Stripes really made me laugh. Some of us have been complaining for years about the poverty of leadership in senior NCO slots, and about how in time of war, the military seems uninterested in ensuring that those who sit over our troops are actually competent-or as Stars and Stripes puts it, not just 'marginal'.

Well, now that the recession's going on, and people are signing up like crazy because the unemployment rate is up, apparently the Army has decided that it can afford to get rid of senior NCOs with "driving under the influence, sexual harassment charges, drug abuse and alcohol problems".

The Pentagon official in charge of carrying out the program said, "We're trying to target those NCOs who don't understand by looking in the mirror that they are not what the Army needs."

Really? I'm honestly amazed it takes an actual program, but I can't say I'm surprised. After all, I've seen a good chunk of senior leadership not living up to the Army values and/or behaving inappropriately. Usually they don't even get to the level of being 'removed for cause'. Usually, unfortunately, they stay right where they are.

But I have to say, that, amused as I am that just two years after denying that there had been any 'military breakdown' because of the Iraq War the Army is now admitting they have some dirtbags in charge of troops, I fully support this program.

Yes, that's right. You heard me. I fully support a Pentagon program and stand 110% behind it.

In fact, I stand so much behind it that I'm ready, willing and eager to help the Pentagon out. You see, they may not be aware of some of the poor examples of senior leadership they have within the ranks. So I'm going to provide a space for both poor examples I've seen, and also open it up to my fellow soldiers. Have you seen examples of poor leadership? Please, comment on it here!

Now, I encourage everyone to be careful of getting in trouble for disrespect. Cite only specific examples. I.e. /not/ "My first sergeant is an asshole" but rather "First sergeant X sent a suicidal soldier to work in the arms room. I think this may be an example of poor leadership."

I'll start, of course.

I think a first sergeant Hudson I once served under should certainly go on the consideration list for being encouraged to retire. The specific examples of poor leadership I cite include: 1) discouraging soldiers to seek mental health counseling, as a result of which we had an avoidable suicide in the unit 2) Denigrating a soldier under his command who died by saying "He came from the ghetto and returned to the ghetto", 3) Refusing protection or assistance in obtaining protection to a domestic violence survivor, because "if he had meant to kill you he would have done it already".

Anyone else feel like contributing?

And why's our healthcare substandard again?

2009-08-05T16:19:00.003-04:00

This week I found myself dealing with one of life's unexpected expenses. Unexpected, because being used to the Army covering all of /my/ healthcare, I never expected to have to pay out the nose for dependent healthcare for something non-cosmetic.

What is it, you ask? Something really simple. Something covered in most company insurances under medical care. Something that seems to be covered by really..everything except Tricare.

Vision.

See, while other healthcare providers recognize that being able to have accurate vision is kind of important, Tricare figures that eyesight is just a luxury. Have a spouse who can't see well enough to drive? Well, clearly they should have gotten a job with their own health insurance, don't you know? What about a kid that keeps bumping into things? Hazard of the profession. You shouldn't have married someone nearsighted.

I'm putting it wide open here. Can anyone figure out exactly why soldiers need to be the only people out there with ridiculously crappy health insurance for dependents? You can't even /buy/ vision insurance as an add-on. Or, anyone have a tricare horror story they'd care to share? Go for it.

We Have Always Been At War With Eastasia

2009-08-02T18:14:00.002-04:00

There have been a lot of self-congratulatory puff pieces going on in the newspapers of the past few months about how the Army is becoming so much more tolerant of social networking, and how they're taking it off the blocked list. That the Army wants everyone to tell the Army story, blah blah blah, etc etc etc ad nauseum.

I knew it was BS. My own experience of being treated like an unperson for my thoughtcrime while supposedly fighting for the right for other people to express their ideas freely has taught me that the Army is not tolerant of other people's views. CJ, over at Soldier's Perspective, expressed some doubts, though he's got a lot more faith in the higher ups than I do.

Right now the pieces coming out are Orwellian doublespeak. Just months afterwards, Stars and Stripes reports that...

Defense officials are looking into a military-wide ban on social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook because of security concerns..

"Security concerns". What, security concerns that magically materialized in the past three months? Security concerns that managed to evade everyone's notice until somehow they realized that not everyone in the Army was marching in lockstep?

I have to believe instead that, not having the luxury of a Winston Smith to sort through newspapers and throw unflattering articles down the memory hole, the Army politicians (and oh, they do exist) decided to come up with an alternate excuse that wouldn't be questioned, and wouldn't make them look like too big an idiot if they decide to change their mind later.

The part I'll wonder about is, if this ban goes through, does that mean the military will stop using facebook and twitter to recruit? I imagine the military official Facebook pages and Twitter feeds are just as susceptible to hacking as soldier's personal accounts, if not more so. Or are the rules about social networking sites that they're safe enough to use to sucker people, but not for actual soldiers?

Opposite Day Has Begun-Right Wingers Now Defending Refusal To Deploy

2009-07-17T13:20:00.006-04:00

Man, this story has me cracking up but good. I'll probably be laughing all weekend.

For those on the sidelines, for a long time, a large part of the conservative sector has been loudly and vociferously protesting anyone who didn't want to deploy because they thought the war was wrong. From conscientious objectors to people who believed we should never have been there in the first place, there was pretty clear rhetoric: if you don't want to deploy, you're a traitor who's bringing the Army down. Any attempt to portray these evil, evil people as heroes was loudly decried as crazy talk.

Enter Major Stefan Cook. Major Cook says he refuses to deploy because his orders to war are illegal. He, however, doesn't challenge the legality of the entire war, just President Obama's piece. If he can't see President Obama's birth certificate, he won't deploy.

You would expect, if the right wing were internally consistent, to see condemnation on all sides. After all, this guy is depriving his fellow soldiers of a body/his experience!! He must just be a coward! Maybe a traitor! He is after all trying to get military folks all over to do the same!

To give the man his due, my frenemy(now legal in the OED, booyah) TSO, has attempted to be internally consistent and has condemned the man, and his crazy lawyer.

Let's have a look at what the right-wingers had to say, shall we? Normally I might not clip comments, but given that IVAW facebook conversations have become fair blogfodder, here goes:

Hmm. Deja vu, anyone?

And once again, this is different from the soldiers that refused to deploy took court martials so that they could put the war on trial....how?

Even funnier are the guys calling TSO a godless communist bastard for daring not to be uberimpressed by Major Cook's refusal to deploy. You know, the same ones that called Victor & co godless communist bastards for refusing to deploy...I wonder, is it just that they don't have any other insults?

Either way, I am sitting back with a can of pop and watching this hilarity unfold.

Now what I do think is kind of screwed up is that for this Major, rather than punish him, they simply canceled his deployment orders. So the way it seems to go is...if you're an enlisted soldier who refuses to deploy, you go to jail. If you're an officer, you must be taking a principled stand and so you shouldn't have to go.

Oy. However, this? STILL FUNNY.

For Those Who Would Judge Me

2009-07-11T20:51:00.008-04:00

Those who have been following Iraq Veterans Against the War for a while are probably well aware of Displaced Films-the incredibly awesome documentarians who are producing the official Winter Soldier documentary, showing not only testimony, but what happened to get the testimony there-the story-behind-the-story, if you will.

What some of you may not know is that with the sudden recession, the production of the movie was slowed somewhat. Displaced Films needs to raise the capital to put this out in a serious way, so if you're a potential donor, you should definitely head over and help out. But if you're not familiar, you might be curious as to what it's all about, and why exactly you should support this enterprise.

I could tell you that David Zeiger, producer of Sir, No Sir, is the mastermind behind this enterprise, but that won't help you nearly as much as taking a look.

The following is the first webisode of many this summer designed to promote the feature length film.
Watch-and learn what Winter Soldier was all about.

For Those Who Would Judge Me from Displaced Films on Vimeo.

Edited to add: Thanks to Jonn Lilyea of TAH for helping to correct my embed code so the video would properly display. I know he probably hates the content, so it's even more awesome of him to help out.

Potemkin Villages and the Army: or, How The Army Mimics Soviet Russia

2009-06-25T05:55:00.002-04:00

Back in the late 1700s, Empress Catherine of Russia toured the Crimea, her new conquest, with a large slew of ambassadors, etc. To impress her and them with how valuable and well developed it was, her military advisor, Grigory Potyomkin, created fake villages along the way-with fires erected in towns no better than stage sets in the distance, to make them look more real.

This plan was adopted by the USSR, when it came to power-visitors, especially from America, who were communist- or socialist- leaning were often shown to specific villages, towns, factories, etc, and told they were typical of their kind in the Soviet Union. In reality, they had been fictitiously constructed or exaggerated to appear the model of happiness and ease, to try to convince the visitors that the system worked.

How is this like the US Army, you ask? Well, yesterday my unit got a visit from the Sergeant Major of the Army, SMA Preston, as well as the Sergeant Major of USAREUR, CSM Beam. They came, ostensibly to view the unit and see how the wounded warriors were doing. I think it's very likely that our unit, and the soldiers who were present, were presented as typical of a WTU, and typical of the soldiers who are there.

The reality, of course, is very different. Our unit has the most luxurious and fully sponsored barracks. The rooms which look so beautiful, far from being available to all soldiers of the kind, are fairly unique. In addition, the mere suggestion of such a visit stops the functioning of a unit-the kitchen was locked up so that no one could use it and potentially make a mess, the laundry room was carefully tidied and soldiers were instructed not to wash clothes-barely to breathe. And the soldiers, of course, were prettied up too. Political dissidents such as myself were hidden away and instructed not to talk to the sergeant majors. A soldier with a soft-shoe profile from injury was instructed to put on boots, as the sergeant majors wouldn't want to see any tennis shoes. A soldier who chose the option not to wear his combat patch as he didn't believe in it anymore was kept away as well-not even an IVAW member, just a regular joe who happened to be frustrated.

The soldiers, far from being typical of our unit, were very carefully chosen. Those who might have issues with how things were being run were also told to stay away-as was a female Military Sexual Trauma victim who had expressed that she felt discriminated against and harassed within the unit.

We were a Potemkin village. A village of happy soldiers who still believe in Army Justice. A village of happy soldiers who still think that our leadership cares about the soldier instead of their own promotions. A village primarily made up of those who might not show leadership that people who are different exist.

I will only say that when people get that out of touch with realities of what they are leading, major problems arise. Our military leadership are the new kings, isolated from the common people and unable to appreciate their views or ideas. Isolated, too, from the democracy and ideals we are all sworn to protect-long-time followers will recognize CSM Beam as one of the individuals who expressed so much interest in my political thought.

It does not serve anyone well-either the Army, the soldiers, higher leadership, or the American public.

The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Experiment, and other updates.

2009-06-19T16:28:00.003-04:00

Well, the experiment of tracking how much I mentioned my significant other in conversations with other military members is over. The numbers may seem high, but this is primarily because I counted each use of the word or the male pronoun in the conversation. For example, if I said something like, "I really need to talk to X before I respond to this..he's much more practical than I am, and he might have some really good ideas", instead of counting that as 1 instance of talking about it, I would count it as 3-one use of the name and two uses of the male pronoun when talking about someone I'm involved with. "Men, can't live with them, can't live without them" would count as one mention of my heterosexual orientation.

The results are: 1 two hour conversation during which I did not keep track, and 94 incidental mentions over a five day period.

None of these were sexual. At no time did I mention any sort of sexual thoughts about the individual-and I suspect our quiet gay servicemembers wouldn't either, if they were allowed to speak. It was simply the running thoughts that happened to go through my head-the privilege, as you will, that I have had of being able to speak about my relationship and my orientation. The privilege that currently serving gay servicemembers do not have.

In other news, I've been informed that it's entirely possible that my planned and deeply necessary leave may be interfered with or denied because the command which is trying to punish me for my political views may want to hastily speed my actions forward, and not want to see me go anywhere during the process, despite the fact that the regulation allows for it, and despite the fact that this thing has been hovering for about four months. However, don't worry, guys..I am aware that I have lots of legal recourse if they do try anything (having a military lawyer helps out immensely), and I've already informed my first sergeant that I plan to fight this one out to the bitter end. It's so messed up it's almost funny-I'm in many ways being treated more harshly for being a prominent member of the IVAW and for having political opinions different than the majority than other soldiers have been for actual criminal offenses. Soldiers beating their wives, soldiers drinking and driving, soldiers committing assaults on other soldiers...all of these things pale next to the deadly crime of daring to have your own thoughts.

It's also kind of funny in a sad way. They want to say that I don't listen to Army things, but let's take a look at the rules these officers themselves are sworn to uphold...such as, say, the officers creed.

To this end... I will exercise the authority intrusted to me by the President and the Congress with fairness, justice, patience, and restraint, respecting the dignity and human rights of others and devoting myself to the welfare of those placed under my command.

Anyone who thinks that my dignity and human rights have been respected by this process, please raise your hand. I have a bridge in Brooklyn I would like to sell you.

In all my actions I will put loyalty to the highest moral principles and the United States of America above loyalty to organizations, persons, and my personal interest.

In all of their actions they will put loyalty to the highest moral principles and the good US of A above personal loyalties. That would be great, wouldn't it? Because loyalty to the US of A transcends mere politics. It certainly transcends political criticism-rights that were provided for in the Constitution we swore to defend and also in the documents of the founding fathers.

These officers, if they allow my political opinions to influence their actions, will be deying their oath and acting only according to their own personal dictates.

I, in all of my actions, have acted to uphold my oath both as an NCO and to the Constitution. The Constitution created by men who believed that dissent was not only acceptable but crucial to a functioning democracy.

I wonder, if these officers do what they threaten, if they'll be able to do the same?

In Honor of LGBT Month...

2009-06-14T15:43:00.002-04:00

Some of you may already know that President Obama, earlier this month, declared June to be Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month, in honor of the Stonewall riots.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2009 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. I call upon the people of the United States to turn back discrimination and prejudice everywhere it exists.

I wonder if we're going to be starting with the military? I also would like to point out that I haven't seen any LGBT celebrations this month. Usually the military celebrates whatever month it is with some kind of party and speakers. I suspect June is going to be rather low-key.

President Obama mentions in his proclamation his support for ending Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

Here at home, I continue to support measures to bring the full spectrum of equal rights to LGBT Americans. These measures include enhancing hate crimes laws, supporting civil unions and Federal rights for LGBT couples, outlawing discrimination in the workplace, ensuring adoption rights, and ending the existing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in a way that strengthens our Armed Forces and our national security.

Now, I have long been a supporter of ending Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I grew up in NYC, and never really thought much about someone's sexuality. But I've been, to be honest, a fairly passive supporter.

A good friend of mine and fellow IVAW member, Jen Hogg, brought to me a point I hadn't considered: that the way I felt being politically repressed is much the way many gay people serving in the military feel about Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I thought about it, and realized that she was somewhat right-sometimes I feel absolutely bursting to talk about my political opinion. But after a little more reflection, I realized she just wasn't right enough. I'm pretty sure I talk about the guy I'm romantically involved with, at least in passing, more than I talk about my political opinion.

So, in honor of LGBT month, I'm going to do an experiment for the week. I'm going to carry around a little notepad, and every time I mention one of the following to a military person or civilian contractor working for the military, I'm going to make a tickmark.
1) The fact that I like men and find them attractive.
2) The name of the guy I'm involved with.
3) Any shared commiserations about men

I'm going to keep a separate notepad for all the times I either talk about my politics concerning Iraq, or am tempted to do so but choose not to.

I strongly suspect that at the end of the week, the first notepad will wind up being larger, but we'll see.

What's With The Double Standards?

2009-06-13T16:43:00.003-04:00

Though the story has not yet gone public, this isn't a good time for milblogger's freedom of speech. I myself am facing potential charges for having a different political opinion than some of my leadership believes I should, and another milblogger who shall remain nameless is as well. Certain prominent milblogs, especially ones from Iraq and Afghanistan, have been removed-Pink's War, Big Tobacco, and LT G among them. Too much honesty, too much humor, too much reality. Too much free thinking.

In something straight out of Joseph Heller, however, at the same time that some are getting in trouble for voicing opinions, the Army has apparently decided that it wants to hear Soldier's stories on social networking sites. As the article says..

The commander said the unblocking of some social networking sites was in keeping with direction from Army senior leaders to have Soldiers tell the Army story.

"This order first and foremost is about establishing web-filtering standards. However, it was crafted deliberately to meet the intent of Secretary of the Army and the Chief of Staff of the Army, who are encouraging Soldiers to tell their stories and maintain contact with the American people. Leveraging social media is an effective way to tell the Army story."

Hey, you know what's another effective way to tell the Army story?

NOT PROSECUTING PEOPLE WHO TELL IT.

I'm just saying. FYI. This buck sergeant's view.

In other news, I got my promotion counseling today, on why I'm not going to make staff. One part of it's fair-my PTSD has gotten out of control a couple times over the lat few months, and I do need to work on that. The other part of it, though, really ticks me off. Because I'm flagged.

Why am I flagged? Well, given that it happened the day after I accepted the IVAW appointment to the Board of Directors, some people might be excused for thinking the two are linked. Supposedly, some sort of investigation was opened. However, I can't tell you for sure why I'm flagged. Why's that? Because I haven't gotten a single piece of paper telling me about it. How did I find out? By taking a peek at my ERB. Yay, Army.

There's also some dispute about whether or not you can take leave while flagged, which tells me that no one's read AR 600-8-2 in a while. The answer for those of you following at home, is that you're not allowed to take ADVANCE or EXCESS leave, but you are allowed to take REGULAR leave, because regular leave is not a "favorable personnel action", it's something you earn.

Gah.
If you can't tell, I'm a bit frustrated with the situation right now.

How "Rick Duncan" could happen, and how we'll stop it from happening again.

2009-05-15T12:38:00.002-04:00

Please consider this post as a stopgap. It will be periodically updated as much as I can, though I do have some really important things to do Army-side this weekend so will be mostly incommunicado. Comment moderation is going to be turned off so that you can all talk to each other at will-please don't make me regret it by posting pictures of my family or anything like that.

First: the story.

"Rick Duncan" is the alias of Richard Strandlof, a con artist who had a record of defrauding groups and organizations for money. He apparently defrauded business owners in Nevada out of $25,000, and as con artists don't just pop out of nowhere, it's likely that he's defrauded others as well.

"Rick Duncan" was known as an IVAW member. I met him once briefly-I don't recall any substantive conversation, but the Colorado Veterans Alliance rang a bell and I went through a lot of business cards I had around from my IVAW work, and there was his. I cerainly believed at the time that he was an IVAW member. Was he actually an IVAW member? That's a question that's a little harder to answer. Upon discovering his fraud, I called the National Office. There was no record of him on our rolls or in our paper files. However, he apparently had a member account on the website, and he was well known as an IVAW member to many. While he had no leadership role in the organization, he was apparently involved with projects. It raises the question of: what makes a member? We don't have cards. We have membership rolls and T-shirts, and the latter are freely available for purchase. I know that I don't ask members I meet at events to show me their DD214s.

How could this happen? Well, I'll freely admit that in many ways it was our fault, and the fact that VoteVets, Colorado Veterans Alliance, and multiple Congressmen were also taken in doesn't make it any better. It appears that "Rick Duncan" had adopted one of the critical rules of a con artist: if you appear to be legitimate, and act like you belong, others won't question it. He created a veterans organization, and then used his status as the head of that veterans organization to gain access to other veterans' group events. I honestly don't know what the guys in Colorado thought about him, and that's not my story to tell-but I can understand that if the man walked in with a record of being involved with veterans and an IVAW T-shirt on, he would not have been questioned.

I'll be honest-our national office has not always been a model of efficiency, especially when it comes to paperwork. We also did not have the amount of staffers perhaps necessary to handle the influx of members last year. With so many new member applications coming through, new member processing was slow. Member packets were slow on being sent out. My speculation is that "Duncan" used his skills at a con to exploit that weakness-building on frustration with national office paperwork issues, he may well have complained that they had 'lost' his paperwork. He may have approached this at a sidways angle-using a respected IVAW organizer in Colorado to call the national office and get his access to the website. Is it right? No. Is it understandable? Unfortunately, I can understand why human error happens. That doesn't mean we don't need to work at closing that issue.

Some have charged, mainly in the milblogosphere, that we should have known that "Duncan" was a liar because of his claims. It's something that's really easy to say after the fact, but I'll examine them.
Some claim that we should have known he was a fraud because he claimed to have a finger shot off, yet has ten fingers. Well, that might have been a good indicator in the Korean War, but at least as recently as the early eighties, we had the technology to reattach fingers. How do I know this? Because that's when my own mother lost her finger and subsequently had it reattached. She was trying to fix up a rundown house, my parents were trying to give me a life outside the city. She let a saw run over her finger, and her and my father had to put it on ice and drive like maniacs to the hospital. It's one reason why my family after that moved to the city and never looked back-because they didn't want to have to wonder if there would be enough time to get to a hospital again. My mother can proudly wiggle all ten fingers today, almost thirty years later, though apparently that finger feels cold more. And she didn't even have the benefit of awesome military medical facilities.

Openly gay commander? Well, that's a really hard one to say. I don't want to name names or get hit by random people for potential slander, but I will say that at a certain time in my army career, we believed our commander was gay. There was major circumstantial evidence, and at least one individual confessed to being their partner in front of individuals from my unit. We thought that commander was an idiot, but it had nothing to do with the gay thing, but more to do with pure incompetence. It's not beyond the realm of possibility that "everyone could know" someone was gay, and like them anyway. One of my platoon sergeants didn't tell people he was gay, but he had a rainbow bumper sticker, a rainbow ring, and he had his farewell at a gay club. Nobody really cared.

A lot of people, both members and nonmembers, are asking why IVAW hasn't come out with a statement yet. The reasons for this are twofold. One is that Alex Bacon, the person who would need to authorize such a thing, is currently involved in a personal situation. I am not going to talk about this situation, as it is his private life. However, I would ask those of you who have stated that you do trust and respect me to accept that I am giving you my word of honor that I know the situation, and am staking my own honor on the fact that he has a legitimate personal circumstance. The second is that we're trying to ascertain all the facts before putting out a formal statement. In my own post, it's clear that I don't have some answers. IVAW's statement should have a full explanation of exactly how this happened, not speculation. And I personally believe it should also have a good explanation of how we'll stop it in future.

Some idea I personally have-and I encourage others and IVAW members to weigh in:
1) Produce memership cards that could be shown to other members, membership cards to be produced only by the national office, and numbers on membership cards being referenced whenever a request goes to the national office. (For example: I wouldn't say "It's Selena, I need this." I would say, "It's Selena, Member # 13538, I need this.")
2) Require proof of service at the chapter level as well, to provide a double failsafe.
3) Adopt a bylaw change that allows any member to challenge any other member's membership, much like the VFW has. Membership could be verifiable by the national records stuff, active duty members to be verified by other active duty members through tools like AKO, etc.

I'm curious as to other ideas folks have. Again, this post is rough and unpolished and will be edited as new information comes in or as I have more time to spend. I just felt it was important to get it up ASAP.

I also welcome all IVAW members to call me about this-my phone number is available in the members area of the website. Everyone else is welcome to email me personally at armysergeant@ivaw.org

Back

2009-05-13T10:48:00.002-04:00

Yes, I know, I haven't been posting for a while. There's been a LOT going on. No, I haven't yet finished my formal complaint letter for the Board, no, I am not planning on commenting on Ehren Watada's dismissal. This is going to be a pure ramble post.

In the positive news: it's finally been a full year since my memorial tattoo, so I'm back in blood-donation land. I gave blood the other week down at Landstuhl, and other than making the poor woman trying to figure out my medications nearly cry, it went off without a hitch. For the curious: apparently there's a lot of meds that don't interfere with blood donation, so you all have no excuse. Especially if you're in Germany-the blood goes straight to soldiers, and it's kind of needed-blood in Europe apparently doesn't meet FDA standards so we are the source for our brothers. Seriously, they're even faster at it than ever before. It's twenty minutes out of your day and free cookies. I know you soldiers like free stuff.

On the negative: no, my finances are STILL not fixed. Again, it doesn't seem to be the local unit's fault-they're doing all they can as far as I can see from here. Garrison, however, just may be where paperwork goes to die. I'm really hoping things go smoothly, but I'm kind of antsy-for those of you who have been following for a while, you know how important this is to me.

We had a change of command ceremony this week. Yeah, I know. Everybody's favorite, right? Well, this one wasn't too bad-it wasn't too complicated, so only required one half-day of practice, and mercifully everyone had short speeches. The only thing that killed me was the inclusion of the Serenity prayer. I have to say, in all seriousness, I hate the Serenity prayer. Isn't that the point of us as soldiers? The fact that we are going to do our best to change the things that need changing and do the things that need doing, whether or not they're labeled impossible? As long as you don't tell us we can't do something, there's a good chance we'll get it done? Forget that "wisdom to know the difference" stuff. You figh the fights that need to be fought. End, period. Whether or not you think you can win them. Silence is assent, and silence is cowardice.

I appreciate all the good wishes and sympathy that have been flowing this way, truly I do. You people are tops in my book. Champs, even. I owe you all beers.

IVAW's Whistleblower Policy

2009-05-03T09:25:00.001-04:00

For those curious as to what policy has been violated by my removal from the BoD:

The Whistleblower act states:

This Whistleblower Policy (the “Policy”) reflects the practices and principles of behavior that support this commitment. It is important that IVAW be apprised about unlawful or improper workplace behavior including, but not limited to, any of the following conduct:

violations of IVAW’s Conflict of Interest Policy;

• A Whistleblower shall not be subject to retaliation. No punishment for reporting Concerns will be allowed, even if the claims are unsubstantiated; a reasonable belief or suspicion that unlawful or improper workplace behavior has occurred is enough to create a protected status for the Whistleblower.

For IVAW Members:

2009-04-30T10:01:00.001-04:00

IVAW members wishing to follow the latest controversy regarding the Board and the current situation should look on the member forum at http://ivaw.org , where two posts in the Open Forum give much more detail.

Thank you, and I appreciate all of your support in this trying time.

At the Will of the Board of Directors

2009-04-27T13:01:00.002-04:00

I hereby retract the previous post that I removed as directed.

With all due credit to Adam Kokesh.

2009-04-26T17:40:00.009-04:00

When I was ordered by the Board of Directors to remove my previous blogpost and publicly and officially apologize to Jose Vasquez, Aaron Glantz, Haymarket Books, and Camilo Mejia, I wasn't quite sure what to do.

Then I remembered: I had a precedent to follow! A leader of IVAW was once in this situation. Just as he has taken the model of Jabbar Magruder's principled status as a disciplinarian to his heart, so too do I take his model example of how a Director should apologize.

Dear Jose Vasquez, Aaron Glantz, Haymarket Books, and Camilo Mejia

I apologize for publicly criticizing your behavior and offending you while representing the IVAW Board. It was sloppy messaging, and I have learned my lesson; fortunately the Board of Directors has made it clear that it was not an official IVAW statement. I remain forever committed to the organization of IVAW, its ideals, and my fellow members, brothers and sisters in the struggle.

On a lighter note, I have decided to get an IVAW tattoo on my left upper arm to mirror the Gate of Ishtar tattoo on the right. (See attached photo below.)

It reads:
and back again

I have an idea for what the IVAW tattoo would say that would be an expression of the philosophical ideals of IVAW, but I am open to suggestions. It should be approximately the same number of words or letters per line, and ideally in the same tempo. If anyone comes up with something better than what I have, I'll use it and put your name underneath. Just kidding. But you will at least get credit for it on my blog ( activedutypatriot.blogspot.com) and my eternal gratitude.

I hope to continue to move IVAW forward in an organized and unified manner, and look forward to crafting policy that protects the rights of members and maintains the maneuverability of chapters necessary to achieve our objectives.

Resignation as Secretary of the Board of Directors [Edited]

2009-04-17T08:49:00.007-04:00

Removed by order of a majority of the Board of Directors of IVAW.

The Star Chamber Lives!

Newsflash: If You Support Anti-Iraq War Organizing, that means me, too

2009-04-05T12:46:00.003-04:00

A while ago, almost a year ago, I wrote a post about how supporting the troops meant me too. How supporting the troops included supporting those of them that opposed the war. It was a really serious piece, and I really meant it.

I got an email in my inbox today that made me think I needed to write one for the peace movement as well. In response to my comment that I didn't believe in class war, and talking about how I didn't believe soldiers were interested in it either, I received:

What you have before you, Selena, is a typical GI Resistance publication, Vietnam-era style. Many such publications were the work of civilians who were working alongside GIs, which is the case of GI Special. Tom Barton works with members of VFP, IVAW, VVAW, etc and they reprint articles from papers like the Army Times, and from web sites such as our very own.

Your opinion of this publication is a reflection of just how out of touch you are with the organization you're in. Have you ever checked out Vets For Freedom? They loooove the constitution, they're flag waving patriots, and they want troops to reenlist. I bet they would have a similar opinion to yours about GI Special.

I'm not going to waste too much on this, Selena, but I really think you should explore other organizations that would better meet your desire to be a hard core patriot. IVAW is really not that place.

Yours truly,

cm.

If you believe in supporting IVAW, in supporting the soldiers of conscience, those who want to organize against the war, then you need to support me, too.

I love America. I love my brothers-in-arms, even if it is in a dysfunctional way. I love the Constitution, and the founding fathers. I have a slightly unhealthy obsession with Alexander Hamilton. I believe in a system of democracy. I believe in our freedoms. I may think some things in our country aren't working perfectly, but I do not believe in changing them with any particular 'ism' of the moment. If you have an agenda? I'm against it. If you are attempting to use what I believe in for your own purposes? Feel free to consider me your implacable enemy. I am not your soldier. I swore an oath, and I meant it.

Some of those in the peace movement like to call me names because of these beliefs. They like to call me "jingoistic" or "nationalist". A "reformist apologetic". One prominent activist tells me that because I don't believe in "class war" I need to get out of "their" movement.

Well, here's a newsflash for anyone who may not have been paying attention at home. I don't believe in socialism, and never will. What I feel about it is best summed up in the following quote:

"I am opposed to Socialism because of its inhumanity; because it saps the vitality of the human race which has no vitality to spare; because it lulls to indolence those who must struggle to survive; because the theories of good men who are enthralled by its delusions are made the excuse of the wicked who would rather plunder than work; because it stops enterprise, promotes laziness, exalts inefficiency, inspires hatred, checks production, assures waste and instills into the souls of the unfortunate and the weak hopes impossible of fruition whose inevitable blasting will add to the bitterness of their lot." -Edward Adams

You'd better get used to that, folks. If you want to organize with me? Be aware. I will not support your hidden agendas. Your hidden agendas are poison to me. Have the courage of your own convictions, and keep to your own organization for it.

And if what I say here means that you won't organize with me against the war? If what I say here means that you're going to actually waste everyone's time by organizing against me instead? By putting me on some hidden blacklist because I have a little too much patriotism for you to be comfortable with?

Then I'm sorry for you, but you need to recognize you're just as much of a hypocrite as the people you claim to be organizing against.

Domestic Violence And Rape: Legal Now In Afghanistan?

2009-04-01T06:40:00.004-04:00

I will warn to anyone reading this post that I'm currently operating in a white-hot frothing rage. I will also point out for new readers that as a domestic violence survivor and personal assault survivor, my biases are probably almost definitely in play.

That careful diplomatic statement said, allow me to say,

What happened to that whole "We're protecting women's rights in Afghanistan" thing?

The Guardian has the story: "Worse than the Taliban? New Law Rolls Back Rights for Afghan Women"

Marital rape legalized, unless you have a "good excuse, like being sick or something"?
FUCK THAT.
You want to hear a good 'excuse'? It's called "I don't want to have sex with you". That's all the 'excuse' anyone should need. It's called consent. Marrying someone doesn't give it up. Nothing can give it up. That's the biggest violation I can possibly imagine. And yes, I have a personal stake in this, because that's what my command said to me the first time I went to them for help [Editor's note: not my current command], that you can't get abused like that by your husband.

This entire law is nothing but a careful veneer of civility on domestic violence. Like just because you marry someone ,they have a right to abuse you. They have a right to beat you. They have a right to take your money away. They have a right to force you not to leave the house. To /ask permission before you see the fucking doctor/, for god's sake. They have a right to rape you. If you didn't want it, you shouldn't have gotten married. Oh, and those kids? You can't get custody of them. Have fun waving goodbye to any human rights they'll have as you realize there is no escape.

And this is the Afghan government we support? The one we say is going to be the savior of human rights and women's rights? What the fuck have we accomplished? I understand not intervening in other governments and interrupting sovereignity, but this is OUR PUPPET GOVERNMENT! I mean, I don't support sock puppet governments, but if we're going to have one, if we're going to prop up Karzai on his tottering political legs, can we at least get some use out of his yes-man status to avoid crap like this? This is so vile, so utterly vile, I can't even comment on it civilly at the moment. Maybe later I'll work up something reasonable and rational for Military Pundits, I'm not going to rant quite this much at 1SG Grisham's "house". But can anyone view this without anger? Seriously?

Only one race-the human race.

2009-03-30T16:35:00.000-04:00

One of the things that I love about standing up and talking about what you believe in when you're not actually a politician is that you don't have to stick to outdated and outmoded concepts of what serious conversation needs to be.

Those of you who have been following for a while may remember the first letter I had published in the Army Times about the war. It spoke to the dehumanization of the enemy, another subject that was spoken to so eloquently at Winter Soldier. That it doesn't matter what culture people come from, or whether they're brown or white or purple with polka dots-they are still people, and they deserve to be treated like human beings. It's one of the strongest things I find offensive about the "liberation" idealogy that some have-it's the White Man's Burden all over again. That the poor, ignorant natives were just waiting for us to come along, with our culture, and since it's better for us, it must be better for them. Now don't get me wrong-I love the ideal of America. That's a little bit different than loving American culture, but hey, we'll go with it. But even that doesn't mean that automatically the Middle East needs to be like us in order to have human rights. It doesn't mean that it's our job to tell others what human rights are.

For some of you, I may be about to lose my serious take on the subject with the following clip-I realize I'm exposing my geekiness for all to see. But some of you out there may be aware that there was a television series called Battlestar Galactica, and it dealt with a lot of very real issues about war, and human rights, and survival, and what justified torture. This show was so meaningful that it, and the actors from it, was invited to the United Nations to have a panel there. And there Edward James Olmos, who plays the Admiral on Battlestar Galactica, had an intense and very real and inspiring speech that I think sums up how I feel about race, and how we think about it.

So say we all, Eddie. So say we all.

Sex Signals-The Army CAN train without powerpoint!

2009-03-25T03:55:00.002-04:00

Anyone who's known me a long time has probably heard me complain about the Army's method of preventing sexual harassment and especially sexual assault. Usually, it's some dusty old powerpoint slides that points out for the ten thousandth time that assault is illegal and against Army Values. And everyone nods and smiles and then gets out of there and bitches for a solid half hour that it was a waste of an hour of their lives, and that they would never assault anyone, blah blah blah blah.

And every year, more and more assaults keep happening.

Some people feel I'm pretty hard on the Army-that I only point out the negatives these days, and not the positives. Sadly, that's because there aren't too many positives to report anymore. Like the joke that was presented goes, "How is the Army like a condom? They both give you a false sense of security while you're getting fucked."

But yesterday, the Army surprised me. I attended the new training "Sex Signals" with some other soldiers from my unit, and was absolutely blown away. Someone, somewhere, in the Army, gets it. These trainings have been ordered for all over. And not only are they not powerpoint, not only is it funny and awesome and so entertaining I didn't even realize it had taken two hours until I got out and looked at the clock, but it was actually useful.

Because they're starting to take on the hard questions, like, what assault really is, and what it really looks like in the Army? And that it's not just about whether the woman fought back or not, it's whether she actually consented to the sex. They made a brilliant point that I've been arguing for a while: if the culture is contributing to the problem, we need to change the culture.

It doesn't matter if someone says stop quietly or loudly or if they're laughing while they say it. It doesn't matter if they started things and then changed their mind, or they were naked. What matters is whether or not they said yes.

And let me put it out there from the woman's perspective: yes, it is incredibly, incredibly sexy if the guy you're having sex with for the first time checks to make sure that is where you want to be going. Checks to make sure that you are wanting what they're doing. I've been asked that a couple times, and each time, the guy involved has gotten about ten thousand awesome points.

So again. I give kudos to the Army for getting this training out there. I'm sure it's expensive. It has got to be expensive to have live training by actual actors as opposed to powerpoint slides that can be shown by anyone. But I think this training actually got people thinking, and may have actually made a difference. I know that if it's kept up for a while, it definitely will. And that makes me pretty damn happy.

At long last....

2009-03-23T20:58:00.002-04:00

Well, folks, I've tried to be the last holdout in this milblog world, the one person who let anyone say whatever the hell they wanted to.

I have now moved to comment moderation. Some ofyou may believe that I'm trying to censor people's thoughts that are pro-war. I cheerfully invite Lilyea, TSO, CJ, Blackfive, and any other person who hates IVAW to talk here all they want to show it.

However, someone has decided to post my mother's full name, home address, and phone number, apparently in response to my calling out Steve Slauson, the post commander of the VFW post that has been harassing me. I'm not sure how posting a mailbox is the same thing as posting the physical address of a cancer survivor who has absolutely nothing to do with this, but that's just me. I didn't post his place of work-and I do know it.

The other thing that's pretty awesome is that there are a lot of people with my last name in New York. The only way for someone to know who exactly is my mother is to look at, say, my military records. Or my SGLI. Or any paperwork I've done concerning my mother.

Anyway. So comment moderation is now up. I'll still allow all the anonymous jerks, I promise. They'll just have to leave personal/identifying information off in the future.

What would be nice is seeing as much rallying in the milblog community over the hassle I'm getting as over the stuff the conservative bloggers get..but I know better than to expect that.

VFW: Want to talk about disloyalty?

2009-03-22T08:56:00.005-04:00

Well, we've found out why apparently CSM Beam got involved. Why? Because my own post commander, of the VFW, felt that it was more necessary to spend time hassling me than to take care of his own people.

From AKO...

4 Mar 2009 08:50 GMT
I am glad they are making mistakes.
I spent about 40 hours researching Coppa & her group.
I have found at least 5 things she can be charged with.
I turned over a packet almost 1 inch thick to the garrison command, Her old 1SGT, a Special Agent from M.I. here in Wiesbaden. I reported it to the USAEUR CSM Beam, A friend that works C.I. for the FBI, CSM Paul U.S. Army Intelligence & Security Command Ft Belvoir, VA & Home land security.

The traitors in the IVAW disgust me.

Steve Slauson
Commander VFW Post 27
Wiesbaden, Germany

Hey dude! News flash. I've been pretty busy dealing with my shit, too busy to attend VFW meetings. However, I will now make it a point to attend the next one. In an IVAW T-shirt- I wouldn't want you to think that I didn't care. Also, thanks for spending 40 hours of your time investigating me. I'm sure that's not 40 hours that could have been spent actually taking care of soldiers. Contrary to your opinion, there are a LOT of IVAW members who are also VFW members. I'm sorry if that makes you sad, but it's true. Also, your commentary about how "I will never be one [VFW member] for the rest of my life" is pretty interesting. I think National VFW would be pretty interested to hear how you are attempting to speak for their membership requirements, none of which include having pro-war views.

By the way, if anyone wants to talk to Mr. Slouson about his views, here is his contact information. As he is not in the Army, no OPSEC is violated by posting this.

Email: steve.slauson@us.army.mil
PCO@vfwpost27.org

His phone number, as publicly available from the VFW Post 27 Website:
0611-2059394

The New Army: No Guidance, Even When Requested.

2009-03-22T08:16:00.003-04:00

For those who enjoy keeping up with the trials and tribulations of my constant struggle to be a productive IVAW member and also a good soldier, I thought I'd pass this on.

Every now and again, the subject of my IVAW membership has come up with leadership. Generally, when this has come up, I've asked said leadership if they have any specific problems, questions, or concerns, and provided material when requested. I don't have anything to hide-I'm probably currently the most public active duty IVAW member short of Casey Porter. They in turn have come up with their own questions, thoughts, commentary, concerns, and orders. For example, when I took part at the DNC/RNC this past year, I was under orders from my SFC NCOIC/PSG "not to get myself arrested for hugging some trees or something." Even interpreted as a more blanket order not to get arrested while on leave, it was still specific guidance as to how I could balance my responsibilities.

I have currently, to date, asked my squad leader, platoon sergeant, first sergeant, sergeant major, and commander for guidance. My squad leader, probably the most reasonable individual in my leadership, has health and safety concerns. I'm not supposed to go anywhere where someone who's been making threats against me might be looking to hurt me. This is completely reasonable, and I have no issues with it. My platoon sergeant has offered broad generalities, no orders, no real guidance, but has simply said that if I stop talking on my blog, I might get less threats. My first sergeant has said that he has no real concerns, I'm entitled to my beliefs, but the commander has some concerns over regulations. The sergeant major has said my life would be much easier if I leave the policies to the lawmakers and just do what I'm told without thinking about the big picture.

My commander, when asked for specific guidance, says that he doesn't think it would be appropriate to tell me what his concerns are. He says that he has some, and may press for punishment on them, but he won't tell me what they are. He will not tell me what he thinks is wrong for me to do so that I can avoid doing it again, and refuses to tell me what he would like from me.

Which is just great-apparently, counseling is OK and useful for all soldiers...except ones that apparently tick off major and influential figures. Or is it that these individuals are simply too into CYA to risk putting their thoughts and opinions about my actions in writing?

Is the Army Breaking Its Wounded Warriors?

2009-03-22T04:42:00.002-04:00

A lot has been said by the Army in regards to WTUs, or Warrior Transition Units. These units are said to be the Army's new and more compassionate answer to its wounded warriors, where soldiers can get better medical treatment, and are enabled and encouraged to make all medical appointments.

What's left implied and unsaid is how often regular units do not let soldiers make their medical appointments, encouraging wounded soldiers to simply "suck it up and drive on". If the Army overall treated its wounded soldiers well, there would be almost no need for WTUs. But perhaps we shouldn't strive for the moon-we shouldn't ask that every Army unit treat their wounded soldiers with the standard of care they are entitled to. Instead, we will examine the WTU system.

The Warrior Transition Units at Fort Bragg are under investigation for punishing these wounded soldiers too often and too unfairly. But are they the only ones? First, let's take a look at what these soldiers had to say about care at Bragg.

SSG Jason Jonas, diagnosed with a sleeping disorder who has been demoted due to oversleeping formation: "In my 10 years of service I have often seen soldiers mistreated, abused or left hanging, but never have I seen an entire unit collectively mentally and physically break down its members"

Retired Army Lt. Col. Mike Parker."It creates a hostile environment where soldiers buckle and take a low-balled disability rating and benefits just to get out when they can"

Sgt. Sheree Snow, evac'd with tumours, a hysterectomy, and sleeping issues, and who was also articled for missing morning formation after medication problems: "The leadership isn't trained to work with wounded soldiers...I feel that the unit holds us to such high standards because they do not know better."

However, these aren't the only cases of problems and incidents. Fort Hood WTU soldiers report other cases of individuals who have lost rank for missing morning formation while on heavy sleeping medications. Cancer patients report being disciplined for taking "too much" legitimately prescribed pain medication. PTSD patients report receiving punishments for missing appointments that they couldn't remember existed.

Germany WTU soldiers talk of (and I have witnessed some of) multiple separate incidents where soldiers have received Article 15s for incidents that occurred in different units, previous to their WTU assignment. Someone's first impression might be that these are simply disciplinary incidents that started in the unit in which they occurred, and followed soldiers to the WTU. However, since soldiers are unable to transition to the WTU while they are pending UCMJ, the real answer is that upon getting to the WTU, the command must have made the decision to punish soldiers for incidents that their previous commands made the on-the-ground decision not to punish them for. There are also soldiers who note that they have been disciplined for substance-related issues after self-referring to ASAP (which is not supposed to happen). Sexual assault victims report being disciplined after making sexual harassment complaints.

It has been suggested to me that I stop. It has been suggested that I shut up and just make things easier for myself. That if I wasn't complaining, weren't talking about all the things that were going wrong in the Army, I wouldn't have so many problems. Things wouldn't be hard for me. ve been told that the way to stop my getting threats, the way to stop the hassle I'm getting from someone in my command, is just to be quiet.

But I'm not going to stop. Because I know this is what they want. I know they want me not to expose what's going wrong. They want me to pretend everything is okay.

My commander says if I live the Army values, I won't have any trouble. I don't know if even he believes it, but that's what he says. Well, I'm going to do it, whether he likes it or not.
He asks me why I say the Army values the way I do. Honor. Integrity. Personal Courage. Selfless Service. Loyalty. Duty. Respect. Why don't I say it the way everyone else does...the tired way, the repeating by rote, LDRSHIP. He doesn't seem to understand that these things mean things to me. I don't have to work to remember them. They're important to me. Living by them is what has gotten me into the trouble that I've had. Living by them isn't going to make my life any easier, or less full of Army trouble.
But they're what I am. They're what I do. They're what I feel. They're inside me, no matter what anyone else thinks about it.

And they're not going away.

A Greeting to my Distinguished Visitors

2009-03-12T06:29:00.005-04:00

First, allow me to carry out a fine Army tradition of greeting my distinguished guests, the commanding general and command sergeant major of USAREUR. General Ham, Command Sergeant Major Beam, I am touched and honored that you have taken it upon yourselves to read my humble blog. I certainly never anticipated when I first began it that a four-star general would trouble himself with the thoughts of a buck sergeant. Command Sergeant Major Beam, the fact that you were moved enough by my thoughts and stories to pass them on to my own sergeant major means more than I can say. It has been made my understanding that your own thoughts differ from my own on the question of the Iraq War, and that you wish that my thoughts and actions were different. I would be very interested in speaking further with you on this subject. I've already had an intense and enlightening conversation with my own sergeant major, and I look forward to utilizing your own open door policy to have a similar conversation with you. I will of course be requesting this through the usual military channels, but it appears that you and others on General Ham's staff may read my blog frequently enough that this may reach you before that. Or at least, that's what my own NCO support channel has informed me. I am told you are also interested in my soldier's and veteran's organization, the 501c3 Iraq Veterans Against the War, or IVAW. I will be happy to explain more about this group and the many wonderful things it does to help soldiers when we have the opportunity to talk in more detail.

Hopefully we can all gain a better understanding of each other. I look forward to the experience.

Yes, Virginia, It Is Legal For Me To Be A Board Member

2009-03-01T15:46:00.003-05:00

While I won't be officially seated until Wednesday, I've been engaging in arguments with friends and other military members about it, have been confronted by my command about it, and feel I may as well put out a kind of miniature FAQ about the subject. If anyone has any more substantive questions, email or comment and I'll be happy to add them to this.

Q: What are you talking about? What won't happen until Wednesday?
A: Well, as of Wednesday, I will be the newest member of IVAW's Board of Directors. As a runner-up in the last election, when a resignation came up I was tasked, and here we are.

Q: OMG! Are you the first active duty member of the IVAW BoD? Are you the only one?
While I won't be the first active duty member of the Board of Directors, I will be the first active duty member of the Board of Directors who isn't outprocessing at the time. However, while I currently am the only active duty member on the Board, I will not be for long, as another Board member has decided to return to active duty to assist the new administration in creating hope and change for the military.

Q: Isn't this illegal? I thought I saw somewhere that active duty members weren't allowed to hold office in political clubs.
A: Not at all! Active duty members are prohibited from doing a lot of things for partisan political organizations thanks to our new 1344.10 update. However, IVAW does not fall into the DoD's definition of partisan, and therefore, I am fully entitled to perform both my duties to the military and my duties as a Director of the Board for IVAW.

Q: What about Greer v. Spock? Don't you pay any attention to legal precedent?
A: Only a new warrant officer would ask that, you betrayer of the NCO Corps. (I'm hoping that one year you get to clear up personal relationships also gives me the right to disrespect you until you decide whether or not to cut me off as well) You should clearly read a little bit more thoroughly. Greer v Spock does not apply for the following reasons:
1) It had to do with partisan candidates
2) It had to do with civilians. A commander can bar his base to civilians, he cannot bar it to military personnel.
3) It had nothing to do with nonprofit office.

Q: Does this mean you'll be responsible for every action of IVAW? Does this mean we can blame you for everything that goes on in the organization?
A: Wait, don't you do that anyway?

Q: What does your command think about this?
A: Right now, I imagine they're frantically trying to figure out if they can move me to another unit to pass the buck to someone else. However, I'll accept that they may well surprise me.

Q: Does this mean everything you say on this blog is the official position of the IVAW Board of Directors?
A: No. Directors have many different opinions on many different subjects. This blog does not speak for them, but only for myself. If an official position comes out, you'll see it in policy, not on my blog.

Suicide in the Army: We Need To Do More

2009-02-21T06:50:00.003-05:00

I write this post as someone who was almost an Army suicide statistic.

I'm not going to write exactly how close I once was to putting my own weapon under my chin, or when precisely it was, or where I was. Those things really aren't important. But I will say that it was a very, very near thing, and it was no thanks to my fellow soldiers that the event actually didn't happen, but thanks to a civilian. I would, however, like to credit 1SG Grisham, of Soldiers Perspective (much as I strongly disagree with him about Brandon Neely), with giving me the idea that talking out about this stuff can someday help other soldiers not be ashamed of these things.

A lot of people elsewhere are trying to put the blame anywhere else but the war, by pointing out that a lot of the soldiers who are successfully killing themselves are not deployed at the time, and some have never been deployed at all. They blame the low standards of soldiers coming into the Army, without wondering why it's happening that way, and ignoring the fact that many of those suicides have spent anywhere from five to fifteen years in the Army. It's not just junior enlisted who can't adjust to the Army who are killing themselves. It's people who feel they can't solve their problems any other way-or people who are too overwhelmed, or suffering too much from PTSD or depression to think clearly.

What they don't understand is that the Army is strained right now-financially, personnel-wise, and skill-wise. We also have a culture of ignoring problems, especially mental health problems.

When I first sought help for mental health, it was after my now ex-husband had threatened the death of myself and my child. I asked my platoon sergeant and I asked my first sergeant for help. Lest anyone assume the lack of help was due to my views on the war, this was before I was a member of IVAW. I was told by my platoon sergeant that things couldn't be as bad as I was making them sound-that I was tough and would be fine. That I was still taking care of my soldiers, and so it couldn't be affecting me as much as I made out. I just needed to "NCO up". My first sergeant told me that if he had "really meant it", he would have already killed me, so it wasn't a significant threat, despite the fact that he had shot at me before.

The Army gives out their own "signs of suicide". They're so cliched that they're almost a joke. Giving away possessions is the one most people remember, and the one I've never seen with any suicide which has happened in any command I've been in. I know I had no impulse to give things away. If I had the clarity of thought to think to give things away, I don't think I would have been that close in the first place. People joke about it all the time. I know I have. If someone gives something away, there's a lot of "Do I need to call the chaplain?"

Here, in my opinion, from observing the people in my units who have killed themselves, and from examining my own thinking process, are the factors which are 'danger signs', factors which lead to 'more likely', and how you can exercise preventive measures before things get to the point that the soldier already has a plan.

1) Feeling hopeless. If you've told a soldier that there is no way that they can fix their problem, you are increasing the chance that they will do something stupid and drastic. After all, if they can't fix the problem through 'sane' means, they may well take to 'crazy' ones. Never, ever, tell a soldier that nothing can be done. Never underestimate a soldier's problem. Even if it seems unimportant to you, pay attention to how important it is to the soldier. Take 'perception is reality' to a new and different level. If they perceive something as life-ending, it may well become so.

2) Denigrating a soldier's mental health problems-even if they themselves are doing so. It's important to remember that there is still a stigma in the Army on mental health problems. That if you have a serious mental health problem, you're someone to be avoided or isolated. So sometimes soldiers will downplay their own problems. "Oh, hah, the mental health folks say I have PTSD...pretty funny, huh?" The important thing at that point is NOT to agree with them. When they ask those questions, they are feeling you out, and trying to make sure that they will not lose your approval and support simply because they are seeing mental health and now have been diagnosed with a mental health disorder. The answer shouldn't be "Yeah, effing shrinks". That only reinforces their belief that no one will understand what's going on. A better response might be something like, "You know, you might want to take that seriously. They're the doctors, they probably know what they're talking about."

3) Treat mental problems like physical problems. I know that they're harder to see, and sometimes that makes them harder to evaluate when it's important to send soldiers to "mental sick call". But a problem in the head which is ignored, just like a problem on the body that is ignored, just gets worse. People that try to "suck it up" because they don't want a profile wind up hurt worse. People that try to "suck it up" mentally because they're not desperate yet are only going to get to a more desperate point, by which point they may not even think of good solutions like going in to get help. If you see a soldier who seems to be having emotional problems or who is starting to have problems functioning (a good soldier who has suddenly shown signs of turning into a dirtbag, for example), it's important to send your soldier to medical to "get checked out". And it's important to do this with the same quickness that you'd send a soldier with, say, a sprained ankle.

4) Taking away a troubled soldier's responsibilities. This may seem counterintuitive-after all, wouldn't you want to lower the stress on a soldier who's already having problems? A lot of commands do this with the absolute best intentions. What they don't realize is that they are taking away a lot of the ties keeping someone from doing something drastic. I have met soldiers who have told me that they would have killed themselves, but they didn't want to let their squad down, as they had an important position and would have been hard to replace. I'm not saying overload soldiers who are already having stress, but giving them tasks or soldiers commeasurate with their ability at the moment is a /good/ idea, not a bad one.

5) Remember that what a soldier is telling you about their problems may often only be the tip of the iceberg, and that 90 percent of an iceberg is below water, and 'invisible'. Someone telling you they're having problems with their wife may not be telling you, "My wife ran off with her fitness instructor, is taking the kids, and telling me I'll never see them again." That's a real example, by the way. I'm not naming names, but no one wanted to ask questions after he got off the phone with his wife and seemed upset, and so he walked out and tried to take himself over a fifty foot drop. We did manage to stop him (barely), but we also could have stopped him after the phone call, just by asking questions to find out what was wrong. A lot of these I learned the hard way.

6) Our overall reluctance to spend money. Soldiers that come in with immediate crises often have to wait weeks for mental health appointments. Referring them out to the civilian economy (at least while not deployed) could get them an appointment that week, and sometimes even that day. But it's hard to get a civilian referral out, even when mental health facilities are intensely overworked.

7) Stop assuming soldiers are faking. I think we need to start looking at this from a different perspective. If you think someone is faking a mental health problem, wouldn't that mean that they probably have some mental health issues in the first place? Sane people having no emotional problems don't decide to randomly fake mental illnesses. So maybe the best place for them /is/ mental health, whether you think they necessarily have a disorder or not. Soldiers that have struggled for whether or not to speak out for a long time, who get shut down the first time they try to share with accusations of faking, are unlikely to reemerge. I also learned this one the hard way. A first sergeant thought one of my soldiers didn't actually have mental illness, but was just a dirtbag. He stopped talking about his problems. At the time, I trusted the superior judgement of my higher up NCOs. I fucked up there as his squad leader-and now he's dead. Sometimes you don't catch them all-but I hope my negative example can help teach others what not to do at least.

If anyone else has any that they've observed, or thought, I'd be happy to include them here.

Update

2009-02-18T08:28:00.003-05:00

Yes, I know I've been somewhat off the grid for a while-since getting to my new unit. Allow me to tell you that it's not for any nefarious purposes-I simply have been pretty busy.

My new unit is allowing me a lot more time to actually slow down and take care of myself. Why is this important? Well, as an NCO you get filled with a lot of "take care of your soldiers first" mentality. It's a really good thing-it helps get your joes taken care of and contributes to the effective functioning of the unit. But it only works when the leadership above you also does the same thing. If everyone in the Army did what they were supposed to, and took care of their people, the entire thing would work like a charm. Unfortunately, that's not always the case.

I've been started in something called CPT for my PTSD. Supposedly, it has a high rate of success in reducing the severity of the problem, which would be great. I'm going in with an open mind, and I'll report back to you on how it goes. Unfortunately, it involves something which I believe is known as "exposure therapy", which requires you to reexperience the trauma, a lot, to desensitize you and somehow heal you. I'm not quite sure how it works, but I'm told it will probably make the PTSD worse for a while before it makes it better. This isn't exactly good news for me, because I'm not sure how much worse the woman who's running it is talking about. I've seen some pretty severe PTSD cases, and I hope it doesn't get that bad. The up side, though, is I'm told that once the PTSD gets worked on, a lot of the depression that tends to go along with it will also lift, and it will make me both a more productive and a happier soldier. We'll see.

I'm also trying to do more in the way of education-both my own and of others. For those of you who were unaware, I was a victim of domestic violence while in the military. Which is one of the few trainings the military doesn't do-what it is, and how to recognize it and get help for it. They're starting to, now-I notice a few commercials on AFN about seeking help from Family Advocacy. But at the time I had my problem, domestic violence really wasn't understood very well by leadership, and they blew it off because I didn't fit the profile of the stereotypical battered wife as they understand it.

So I'm going to put out here a few things for leaders and soldiers that may help you recognize some of the signs of domestic abuse that aren't as obvious as bruises on the face:

1) Sudden changes of clothing and/or makeup. Domestic violence is about control-some signs can be that the woman 'gets in trouble' for 'looking too pretty'. If clothing and makeup suddenly become more conservative after a relationship, it could be a warning sign.

2) Sudden changes of friends and associates. Again, domestic violence is a function of control. One of the first major things an abusive partner does is help to cut the victim off from people who could potentially point out a problem or help provide support. This way, when the person is ready to run, they don't have a lot of support to do so. If you see someone systematically cutting off all of their friends, and not seeming too happy about it, it may be something to note.

3) Cutting off from the Army Family. The Army Family, dysfunctional as it may be, offers both a lot of support and a lot of watchful eyes. If you have someone who was formerly very engaged in unit activities who suddenly stops attending after a new relationship or after talking about problems in an existing relationship, it's another potential sign of domestic trouble.

4) Giving up possessions, pets, or things the person formerly used to enjoy, while mentioning that the new partner doesn't like them.

Those obviously aren't complete, and aren't sure signs, but it's my attempt to help show what to be aware of.

New Command: The Honeymoon Period

2009-01-23T16:43:00.002-05:00

Well, the 105th has formally deactivated-we even had a ceremony. I'm staying in the area, and I'm in a new unit. I'd talk more about it, but I try not to put too much information out about location. It has nothing to do with people who politically disagree with me, and more to do with a crazy and violent ex-husband who I generally live in some fear of.

That's one of the many things the new unit is trying to help out with-getting some real protection from Mr. "restraining orders are just pieces of paper". They also are working really hard on taking care of the financial issues that were pretty screwed up. They are persistent, which is really nice and amazing and hopeful and encouraging.

At the moment, I love the new unit. I love the way they do PT and I love the way their NCOs interact. I haven't yet met my new first sergeant or commander yet, so there's always a possibility my opinion will change. Still, my platoon sergeant and squad leader seem great, and they did a few of the things I don't expect, but add as little pluses in my book-for example, handing me a useful card with leadership contacts my first day in the unit. Too often the recall roster makes its way in somewhere at week 2. I like their leave policy, which is generous.

My leadership does seem pretty pro-war though, which could become problematic. It depends on if they'll keep integrity or not. Or if they google their soldiers. Or if some enterprising individual thinks it's somehow their business to hunt down my unit and tell them what a dreadful danger I am. I'm sure someone will. Like the sergeant major who's been reading my blog. You know who you are. Yes, this is a major reason why I haven't been posting on AKO lately.

Let the glorious news be spread, The Bush Administration now is dead!

2009-01-20T14:37:00.002-05:00

I was going to write an entire joyous piece about how happy I am that Bush is no longer my Commander in Chief, but I'm going to let the following video say it for me.

I watched the inaugeration of the first President that has thrilled me with a speech that I can ever remember. Some choice bits that garnered applause from the folks I watched it with at the post celebratory event..

"Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions -- that time has surely passed."

Or this..

" Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions, who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short, for they have forgotten what this country has already done, what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them, that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long, no longer apply.

The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works, whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified.

Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end.

And those of us who manage the public's knowledge will be held to account, to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day, because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government."

And my favorite part:

"As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.

Our founding fathers faced with perils that we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations.

Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake."

Goodnght, everyone. I'll be celebrating a commander in chief I feel safe putting the heart of America in the hands of.

Welcome New IVAW Deployed Member Blog

2009-01-18T16:48:00.002-05:00

Alright...I promised a pimping and a pimping it is. Alright everyone, here is the newest member of the milblogging community and also the IVAW blogging community. I won't give his name, of course, but he's an IVAW member currently deployed to Iraq, and like other IVAW members who've been there, he's decided that one of the great things to do is to write about it.

Iraqi Bizzare

Go there, show him some love.

Would You Like Some Perspective With That?

2009-01-13T10:56:00.003-05:00

Something that I've come to with age is the realization that things are not black and white. That also includes things and people and positions that we align ourselves with. Too often we're encouraged not to talk about them-I'm told that for the sake of the anti-war movement, I shouldn't talk about disagreements in it.

This is nothing but blatant hypocrisy. If you're going to be telling soldiers that they should be able to feel safe speaking out against the camouflage wall of silence in the military, I think you need to be telling peace activists that it's also okay to speak out against the tie-dyed wall of silence in the peace movement.

Emerson has some interesting words about those who have become bound by communities as surely as anything else:

"Well, most men have bound their eyes with one or another handkerchief, and attached themselves to some one of these communities of opinion. This conformity makes them not false in a few particulars, authors of a few lies, but false in all particulars. Their every truth is not quite true. Their two is not the real two, their four not the real four: so that every word they say chagrins us and we know not where to begin to set them right. Meantime nature is not slow to equip us in the prison uniform of the party to which we adhere. We come to wear one cut of face and figure, and acquire by degrees the gentlest asinine expression. There is a mortifying experience in particular, which does not fail to wreak itself also in the general history; I mean "the foolish face of praise", the forced smile which we put on in company where we do not feel at ease, in answer to conversation which does not interest us. The muscles, not spontaneously moved but moved by a low usurping willfulness, grow tight around the outline of the face, with the most disagreeable sensation."

I'm going to practice this courage by speaking out not just about the problems in the military and with the war, but also the problems with individuals with blinders on.

I believe that the war in Iraq is wrong. It was unnecessary, illegal, and it hurts America. That's why I'm a member of IVAW, Iraq Veterans Against the War. But that does not make the insurgency right. The insurgency is not noble. They are not, as some would have you believe, just like the Americans fighting the British for their freedom. This isn't a popular opinion, because many peace activists fear that by talking about the evils of the insurgency, we'll arouse sympathy for the war. Some even call it 'racist', saying that they don't have the right to 'defend themself'.

This is morally disingenuous. The Iraqi insurgency bears little similarity to our revolutionary fighters. Our revolutionary fighters never went around cutting off people's heads, or killing women for talking to soldiers, or throwing acid in children's faces. We didn't target civilians in the revolutionary war. They weren't full of religious fundamentalists-and since when has the activist community supported religious fundamentalists?

We do not have to beatify evil men in order to say that the war is wrong, or that it hurts America, or our military, or our national defense, or even that it hurts innocents. And any peace activist that mourns and condemns the death of Iraqis while refusing to mourn and condemn the death of soldiers is a hypocrite.

I remember once holding a fellow soldier as he cried about the young kid he had to kill because the kid was aiming a weapon at the soldiers. It's a terrible thing. Is it the soldier's fault? No, it's not. It's whoever put a weapon of lethal force in the hands of a child and told them to go hunting Americans. And we have to condemn that equally as much as we have to condemn the officer who gives the order that there is a free-fire zone in effect. We cannot pick and choose.

I would like to end this post with the following:

I condemn the war in Iraq, and politician's willingness to sacrifice innocent lives.
I condemn the insurgency in Iraq, and their willingess to sacrifice innocent lives.
I condemn anyone who would try to whitewash evil for the sake of political expediency.
I condemn anyone who thinks that the United States government is so wrong they have to destroy it by force.
I condemn anyone who tries to destroy the civil rights of another by force.

And I encourage everyone else in the activist and anti-Iraq war community to take, post, and share via email the following pledge:

"My opposition to the Iraq War does not translate into support for the violent actions of the insurgency. American soldiers did not create the war, and are not my enemy. Though I disagree with the war, these soldiers deserve and have my support. I will neither encourage nor tolerate any actions against them, and will refuse to work with any individual who does."

For a friend, a Good Times Post

2009-01-07T15:53:00.003-05:00

Alright. A few things combined to make this post...first, a friend was a little down and I figured a decent post might help, and two, I was reminded by someone elsewhere about a guy I served with once, whose name was Braxtan. He was a wild and crazy guy, and had this obsession with film that wound up being catered to by everyone in the unit because it was just so damn funny and awesome.

Here's one of his films, about a captain everyone knew, kind of a parody of the commercial going around, but pretty awesome.

(A disclaimer: No, this guy is not in the IVAW, last time I checked, and to my knowledge, doesn't even know I am, since we haven't talked in over five years. Please don't hassle him.)

There's also one about Bush and Darth Vader, which I think is funny, if of course very old. However, I didn't find out about it until yesterday. The funniest ones are the Army ones, like "How CPT Z Stole Christmas" and the one about the Curse of the Army Ball. However, Braxtan didn't upload them to youtube, so you have to settle for this.

Contradiction

2009-01-04T08:23:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I envy the people who have the luxury of black and white ideals.

I used to have that once. I used to think things, people, ideals, nations were either all good or all bad. And of course, mine were all good. The things I loved, the people I trusted, the ideals I believed in, the nation that I had a deep and abiding pride in. They could do no wrong. They could be no wrong.

I grew up on military history. I learned about sacrifice. About men who gave their lives, their bodies, their hope of family in order to protect others. I devoured books of bravery and honor, of people making the right choices even when it meant their deaths.

And then I joined the Army.

Like every other enlistedman in the Army, I mock West Pointers. It's what you do, as an enlisted troop, as an NCO. You save stories about them, about their utter inability to face reality, about how all they know comes from books, about the way they cradle and cherish regulations that have no meaning to anyone else. The phrase "West Pointer" are two of the easiest words to condemn an officer to a special place in an NCO's heart, and it's not a good one.

But in many ways, I am just like them. Just like the West Pointers I try to separate myself from. No, I didn't finish college in a military academy, but I was well-read in military history and tactics before I even entered high school. I could sing every patriotic song and recite half of the patriotic speeches and believe them with all of my heart. Like an officer. Like a West Pointer. Like someone who hasn't yet figured out how dirty, how ugly, how unashamedly awful conflict is, and how many terrible things we do in order to win.

I joined the intelligence field because I was quick witted and smart and wanted to give the best gift I had to my country. The thing that pleased me the most, the thing that shone above all else, I wanted to give it to the ideals I believed in. I didn't realize, then, that the intelligence field is no place for idealists.

And I, like so many of those officers once the shine has worn off, saw too much. I saw my country betray its ideals, and it hurt worse than any lover's betrayal ever had. I saw the Army itself betray the concept I had had of it. You see, though I grew up, again, on the St. Crispins Day speech, among others, I never really understood 'be he never so vile, this day will gentle his condition'. I didn't understand then what I do now-that I could both hate and love. That some of my fellow soldiers truly would be vile-racist, sexist, homophobic, bigoted in every possible way, with no ideals and no desires past earning a paycheck. That I could hate them for their tiny minds and love them because they were my brothers. That I could love them for their loyalty to me, even as they waded through every whore in a fifty mile radius. That the same men who would say that no meant yes and they would kill 'any faggot who dared touch them' would treat me like their little or big sister, depending on the age, and I would love them like my big or little brother no matter how many people they broke or destroyed or how awful their words were.

It is in that same feeling that lets me both be a member of the military and a member of IVAW. That lets me cry when I watch old war movies about honor and sacrifice and also feel nauseous when I look at the newspaper and see the terrible things my country has done in its name.

I love the military but I love more the military I thought it would be. A military of honor. A military where you never did the wrong thing, and you were never asked to. A military where you fought your enemy because you had to but you didn't have to despise them.

I wonder if that military exists. I wonder if it ever did. I wonder if it ever could. I wonder if I was just deluding myself.

And a New Story for a New Year

2009-01-01T07:46:00.003-05:00

Another car bit the dust yesterday in an accident which was both nasty and nice all at the same time. No one was seriously injured, so that was fantastic, but my car was totalled to the point where I'm not even sure it's worth repairing. It would have been a really terrible day, but I heard the most fantastic story from one of the MPs on the scene, and it was so great, I thought I'd share it with you.

The MP and I were chatting while we waited, and he mentioned something about being an NCO. Well, my eyes were fairly sharp when corrected, and I noted the specialist rank he was wearing on his uniform. We'd been talking for long enough that I felt it would be okay to ask, "So what'd you get busted down for?"

He gave a bit of a sheepish grin, then laughed a bitter laugh. "My dog bit someone he wasn't supposed to."

Maybe it's my ignorance about how precisely canine units work that made me ask, "A prisoner?" We'd already talked about his four deployments, and I could see something like that. A situation with intense emotions, a dog picking up on them and doing something he shouldn't. A dog that lives and loves as his handler lives and loves.

But no. He said, "My dog bit someone nobody but the President's allowed to touch."

Of course I questioned him. That was way too good an opening to let go. "Someone you didn't like?"

Another bitter smile. "My dog bit Donald Rumsfeld pretty good." Another pause, another beat. "In front of the sergeant major of the Army and four generals."

Obviously, I don't know the truth of the story. I won't swear to it, only that I heard it from a man who claimed it was his, and I doubt he'd a reason to lie, to me of all people. He had no idea what my views on the war or Rumsfeld were. I hadn't mentioned him. The only hint he had was my tattoo with the helmet and rifle and the Ishtar Gate-but it's a little subtle on first glance to really tell the story of all of my thoughts and ideas. He didn't know who I was. And it has the ring of the unlikely truth.

I believe the soldier. I believe in a soldier, full of resentment for a man he felt was responsible, whose dog picked up on it and did something it shouldn't. I believe in a man busted down because he couldn't control his emotions, with a dog that he was utterly responsible for every move of.

And I feel for him.

So there's the story. Was it worth the thousands of dollars to my car? Maybe not. But did it make things better than they would have been otherwise? Definitely.

Merry Christmas.

2008-12-25T04:39:00.002-05:00

I don't like this video completely, and it's kind of old (ignore the call at the end), but I woke up with this song in my head and figured I'd share it. Christmas is always heartbreaking as it is beautiful.

DWI-Driving While IVAW.

2008-12-09T15:12:00.002-05:00

There is something about being an IVAW member, I will say, that gives you a healthy respect for the amount of bullshit that police officers can pull on you if they want to. I've seen "the rules" ignored so many times that I no longer believe in the inherent righteousness of every cop and MP. Instead, I believe cops very well will pull you over if they don't like your bumper sticker, or the way you look through a window. Whether this is good or bad, I don't know.

I got to experience this fresh fear today. While driving off post after my Krav Maga class, I suddenly noticed flashing lights behind me. Please don't let them be for me, please let them be for the guy in front of me. It was nonsensical, but I hadn't thought I'd done anything wrong. I was too exhausted to have done anything wrong, having just spent the last hour and a half beating and being beaten on. Of course, they were for me. This kind of thinking is nonsensical. It's like that scene in Kent State when the black kid turns to the white one and says, "The guns are always loaded." The guns are always loaded, and they are always coming for you. And they may just smash a friend's face while they're at it. I have no inherent faith anymore.

A thousand things flashed through my mind. Was I going too slow? MPs love to look for people going too slow. They assume they're drunk, and we had another DUI just last night. Yes, a Monday night. Yes, there was one the Sunday the day before that. That's just how this post rolls, especially with the 1AD back. I wondered what kind of sobriety test they would have. Would I be able to pass it in my exhausted state? I could barely lift my hand above my head, and my walk had been kind of a slow stumble to my car. Would they ask me to get out of the car? I was in gym clothes, so I breathed a sigh of relief, that I might be safe. Then I remembered what gym clothes-black Army PT bottoms and my IVAW tank top. Would he recognize the logo? How much trouble might I be in?

The MP strode up to my window and asked for my license. My hands were clumsy as they reached for it, but it was not with fear. He assumed it was, of course, as he told me "not to be nervous". I wondered what mysterious sin I was going to be down for. What my nervousness translated to in his head. If he would spy the pack of SITREPs on the seat next to me. Instead, he just leaned in my front window, and said, "You know your headlights are out?" I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. In my hurry to get home and to my hot shower, I had turned lights on, but the ones that only provided a little light. I immediately flipped to that and the MP thanked me and let me go. It wasn't about me. It wasn't about my politics. It was about headlights. This time. And I wish I could say that this incident let me relax, let me think that there's never going to be a jerk MP who's going to ask "What the hell is this Iraq Veterans Against the War shit you have on your bumper?" But it didn't. It was a reprieve, but not a permanent one.

I got home, and enjoyed the hottest shower I could possibly stand. One thing I will say for the Army is that they really make you appreciate a few of the simple things in life. Like hot water. Until the end of my life, I will cherish a truly hot shower with good water pressure. I've had many a time without it. I've lived, but I've hated it. A truly hot, good shower, especially after an awesome workout, is almost as good as sex, just for the initial minute.

On a random sidenote, WWII combat vets are awesome yet very strange. I ran into a retired one who I suppose still lives in the area of post (didn't ask him why) Old as the hills, but still looked wiry and alert. I was making conversation, just to pass the time, when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he popped out with something about us surviving Bush, and something about how people who hid in the Air National Guard at home while everyone else went to war shouldn't get to send other people into combat. Of course I shook his hand and continued the conversation, but (and I know you'll be surprised) it got too much even or me. He continued on. "And it was one of the assassination cycles, too. I was so disappointed. You know, the twenty year assassination cycles..." And on that point, my dear readers, I was off. That was definitely not the conversation I needed to be in, so I smiled, said goodbye, and headed for the door. I have apparently found the point beyond which I won't go in my dislike for our current president. It's small, but it's there.

No Christmas For You: Three Years!

2008-12-01T09:21:00.003-05:00

I know how pay is supposed to work. I know the processes of how it and paperwork are supposed to function. I know its crafty ways and means. But like anything with enormous power that you are powerless against, I've begun to impart it with the flavor of a certain rude mythology. It's not that somewhere in the chain, a link has been broken. No, it's that the gods of S1 have somehow decided to make my Christmases a personal hell.

I haven't had a lot of pay problems in the Army, really, as things go. Really, I've been fairly lucky-only four or five over eight years. Why am I so bitter? Because out of those four or five, literally three of them have hit or culminated in a slim Christmas paycheck. Not in my wild single days, no, that would be too easy. No, literally every one of those three slim Christmases have hit while I've been a parent.

Once, because somehow in the mysterious world of paperwork, the Army decided that I didn't really have any dependents, and had been cheating them out of BAH for the past nine months. It was fixed, alright, and I got some hefty back pay-but still, my kid got a watercolor set for Christmas and some stocking stuffers, because it was already bought.

Then came the time when the dreaded Government Travel Card struck. There was a backlog getting travel claims settled while I was on a five month long TDY, and I was on paper rather than DTS. Well, my shop wasn't able to straighten it, and the card got turned off, leaving me to pay with my own cash or get kicked out of the hotel. That was a very, very expensive time-and guess when it started? You got it. December.

As I write this, I am now three months in to the worst Army pay problem I have ever had. One of those Army pay problems that really kicks you in the teeth and bends you over, without even so much as the courtesy of lube, or a reach-around. By my count, I'm now $6900 down. I've had to take out one personal loan and one AER loan just to keep myself and my family afloat. And the worst part is that I'm not ever going to see any of that money. The best I can hope for-the absolute /best/- is that things will be fixed and I'll stop actively being shorted. Hopefully this month.

How did it happen? That's the worst of it. I may as well curse the nebulous Finance Gods, because it's a culmination of a lot of small shit. Including my stupidity at trusting Finance, which is a thing that you never, ever, should do. They told me what I needed to get, and I got it, stupidly trusting that everything would go smoothly. Then came the hitches. They needed another piece of paper. I dug around and got it. Then they needed it submitted on a different form. Not a big deal. I wasn't discouraged just yet, because I knew that I'd get the backpay all at once, and I'd be able to pay back the loans.

It was two months after the entire paperwork runaround that they really dropped it on me. They had been telling me the exact wrong process. What I had wanted required an entirely different process. It would have taken an exception to policy to do it the other way, and despite my battalion commander looking into it, no one was having any dice. Oh, and then came the other shoe: there wouldn't be any backpay coming. When it got straightened out, the pay would only start from the specific date that something else happened.

Thanks, Army.

So now the paperwork has been resubmitted to start the process to get my pay issues fixed. It got sent last week to brigade, but somehow brigade waited a week to find something missing. They just sent it back. It's being sent up from battalion this week.

Who wants to take bets with me that it gets lost again?
Oh well. At least I already ordered and paid for the major Christmas presents already. Take that, Finance Gods!

Anyone military who wants to commiserate over the specific details is welcome to email me, it's a bit too technical to explain all in one long post.

Homecomings

2008-11-26T10:16:00.002-05:00

My neighbor in the housing development is welcoming her husband home. I can tell not just by how many times she's talked to me and everyone else about it, but by the signs and homemade decorations that adorn our dingy apartment complex. "I love YOU, (Soldiername!)" "I love you, honey!" Construction paper hearts and letters and AAFES-mass-produced signs let me know how much she wants her husband to know he was missed.

In my cynical way, I scorn it. I don't rain on her parade, but every time I pass them I look at the commercial quality of the sign, the child-reminiscent nature of anything made with construction paper. I think to myself how glad I am that I never received a display like that, that the saccharine nature would make me hurl.

But I wonder how much my elitist thoughts serve to hide any thought of what I would have liked to have received. The truth is that I came home to a much-needed divorce and a child that had been taught to call someone else Mommy. I've never really had anyone to come home to, then or now. Sure, there's family-a father that talked all my life about his boyhood inspiration, the heroes at the VFW post, and now that I'm a member and offered to bring him inside to have a drink, he gives me an embarrassed smile, and says no. I'm not the son who could have killed him a dozen with my bare hands; not the son who could have erased his 4F status when it came time for Vietnam. Nor, even if I were a man, could I have been. I'm not the sort to revel in bloodshed, or the men I have indirectly helped to kill. Who is the killer? The one who stands and points and says "Him" or the one who pulls the trigger? Both, and neither. We are all the killers. We are all the guns. My father does not want my remorse, or to hear my thoughts on the war. He is still jealous that I shook McCain's hand and does not comprehend why, having done so, I would not vote for him. I am still forbidden from his house, the casualty of a chance google search that pulled up thousands of provocative hits.

There is a mother, who even when posted stateside, called, frantic, because a military plane went down somewhere in America and she wanted to know if I was on it. I cannot comprehend her fear. I cannot live touched by her fear. I disentangle myself as much as possible, as she tells me, once more, how she was tricked into signing the papers only because the recruiter promised there would never be a war. Does she have reason? Perhaps. She saw the fallout of Vietnam-lost friends and lovers, some to combat, some to hidden wounds and their own hand. My godfather put a bullet in his head at the age of 30, and it shattered her. She is fearful now that I will join him, and listens for it every time I talk, in the catch of my voice, in a breathy silence. Everything is a cue. She offers me organic foods and healthy alternatives, as though a return to a lifestyle of a more peaceful and hopeful time might somehow save me as well.

And there are lovers. Lovers that are loved as the Army has taught me to love-never to make any one person too important. You will always have to leave, the Army teaches, albeit unconsciously, and you must be prepared for everyone you love to leave you. Whether a PCS or a funeral service, if you make someone else the focus of your world, what will you do when they are gone? You get used to saying goodbye, to smiling at someone with sadness inside you as you show them the orders taking you away. Civilians find it too hard-they rail at you, angry at you, the Army, the universe for taking you away. They do not understand, ask the significance of things that have you in tears. It is better to stick to your own kind-but your own kind is adept at self-protection, at building defense barriers that can mask a career full of pain. Once you are out of sight you are out of mind. Temporarily Divorced for a Year, What Happens On Deployment Stays On Deployment. When you are there they will welcome you, cherish you, make extravagant gestures for you. Once you step on the plane, it is a different world, one in which you are a faded memory that they will reference only obliquely. It's the same for you, though you won't admit it. Already you're thinking of someone else, someone who will make you smile and laugh. It's the way of survival-but it's hell on homecomings, welcomes, those picket fences you think that you might have wanted.

I cannot laugh at her for loving in a different way than I.
But I cannot allow myself to think of having someone to myself, someone who would not go away. I cannot allow myself to think of the possibility of caring too much.
So I hurry by, run up the stairs as though I were trying to answer a phone, or save a life, or catch a dream.
She, in the apartment below, thinks only of happiness.

Krav Maga: Eye Gouges and Groin Punches for all!

2008-11-22T10:36:00.002-05:00

I'll start with a cautionary tale for any who aren't fond of violence: you do not want to read this post. Really. Do not be fooled by my views on the Iraq War. If you are a pacifist, this post is likely not for you.

That said, OMFG, I am in love with Krav Maga. Why aren't we training in this instead of combatives? Seriously. It is much, much more useful. And versatile. And utterly brutal...but I anticipate myself.

For those who haven't known me long, I've had a fascination with Krav Maga for quite some time. Krav Maga, again for the unfamiliar, is an Israeli close combat technique first developed for...have you guessed? Defending against Nazis. How much cooler can you get? Then the Haganah got it, the Jewish underground. It isn't religious at all, but the philosophy is definitely very Jewish-you assume the worst, and work from their. You assume that your opponent is not going to back off voluntarily, and that you can get away from the situation best by crippling them. You start in some bad positions, and it teaches you to defend against multiple attackers, while you're protecting people, while you yourself are crippled, blinded, etc. It is so many times cooler than combatives that I just want to run around shouting about how awesome it is. Fortunately for my neighbors, I have a blog instead.

The crowd was pretty mixed, and there were one or two guys from my unit there. I had been wondering how triggering it might be-with domestic violence PTSD, a session of people hitting, choking, etc you is not necessarily a recipe for a happy time. But it worked out pretty well-the only problem was that I was a little too violent, out of proportion to what we were supposed to do. (Like for example, when one guy taunted me to hit him and I attempted to punch him in the face before he had finished speaking.)

The instructor was an absolute champ, though. At one point, during a technique (and all stuff was at speed and force), I accidentally sliced his wrist up a bit with my nails. But he didn't say anything, and just continued.

The class was for five hours-five hours of straight glee for me. Tiring glee-as I write this, I'm lying on the couch, and not sure when I'll move. I'll probably have a lot of bruises tomorrow. But it was so worth it. One of the fun points was just realizing exactly how brutal it can be. The point at which the instructor explained exactly what parts of the body you can punch dangerous holes in if you put a key in your fist was amazingly enlightening. So was the groin punching. The guys who were Krav Maga regulars all had metal cups, but the others had lighter cups, and man did they take a beating. The sight of guys wincing and holding their genitals was a common one throughout the five hours.

Five was an awesome number for that-it was also the minimum amount of times to strike your opponent. As our instructor explained, Krav Maga is not a pretty sport that looks beautiful and you do competitions around. Krav Maga is a lethal set of techniques that is used to cripple or kill. As such, if you have to take damage in order to incapacitate the other person, you take it.

Man. Again, so awesome. I can't wait until the next class.

Nominations

2008-11-22T10:32:00.003-05:00

If only more of you people showed those shameless self-promotions, I might have known it early enough to self-promote here for the Blog Awards sometime before it closed. As it is, I still received nominations, but most likely not enough to put me into the finalists-which is okay, because I'm pretty sure most of my favorite blogs did.

Anyway! Thanks those of you who liked my blog, I really do appreciate it. You know, all 18 of you. ;)

"Alone"

2008-11-21T11:39:00.003-05:00

Let me start this out by saying that I do appreciate what IAVA is doing for veterans. They're trying really hard to help get them taken care of, and have done a lot of outstanding work on the GI Bill and other pieces of legislation. They're also doing a lot of good work in getting veterans aware that they are a political force to be reckoned with, and that is always a good thing in my book.

Sometimes it's funny, though, how much they march along, whether consciously or unconsciously, with IVAW. For example, their latest campaign/ad "Alone" is a fantastic ad. I really dig it. But in a sense, it also makes me laugh-I had no idea IAVA admired IVAW's "You Are Not Alone" campaign so much! At any rate, here's the ad for your viewing pleasure, and only LT Nixon will be able to say whether or not it in fact measures up to McGruff.

I don't usually promote IAVA here, because I can really only focus on one organization at a time-same way I'm also a member of the VFW and the American Legion, but you don't see me talking about a lot of their programs here. However, after being specifically contacted by one of IAVA's ad folks with a suggestion to put something up about it, I could hardly be so graceless not to be willing to spend five minutes of my time writing a post about it.

As everyone knows, readjustment challenges of "combat stress" (I hate the buzzphrase, because of course combat is stressful, but it is a real issue) can compound the many other challenges servicemen and women face when they return to civilian life. Also, I've talked to a lot of vets, and for them one of the hardest things is losing the welcoming and supportive military community. The lack of it alone can severely tweak a veteran. This is, of course, where IAVA's brand spanking new Community of Veterans comes in.

They're wrong, of course, it's not the only online community for veterans, but it is the first to offer open yet regulated membership. There are still a few bugs in the system-for example, their registration refused to accept AE as a valid state-but I have faith that it will all get ironed out in time.

Also at some point this month, the campaign will extend to families and friends, called Support Your Vet. I think this is a really good idea so that they can talk out their problems and help each other to provide good advice and support. They too really need to feel that it's not alone. I've suggested to IAVA that they should have some communication between the sites, where veterans can maybe anonymously answer family member's questions, we'll see if that gets implemented too.

So keep it in mind! I'm not sure yet how politically neutral it's supposed to be, I may just give it a broad pass for its own sake rather than my own. But those of you, especially those who want support but not politics, should go there and check it out.

Coffee Strong Now Open

2008-11-21T05:03:00.008-05:00

Anyone who's been in the Army for more than five minutes knows the important relationship between soldiers and caffeine. We drink it, delight in it, and would probably cheerfully create an IV for it if we thought it wouldn't kill us. Fortunately, there's no need for such drastic measures, at least not by Fort Lewis, Washington, home of the recently established Fort Lewis IVAW chapter. Fort Lewis, for the non-Army folks among my readers, is an Army post located near Tacoma, WA that is scheduled to deploy 10,000 troops to Iraq in the coming year.

The new soldier-friendly, veteran-owned coffeehouse, "Coffee Strong", is now open.

Here the veteran-barristas work on creating concoctions for any and all comers.

At the moment, hours are Monday - Saturday, 10am to 6pm. Those hours will soon be expanded to includ evenings and Sunday.

How do you get there to grap your fresh, hot cup of often exotic and delicious joe? Well, the coffee shop is located at 15109 Union Ave SW, Lakewood WA 98498. They are accessible right off the freeway on the Berkley Ave exit (#122) on Union Ave next to the Subway.

And this won't just be your usual Starbucks imitator with camouflage lipstick. In addition to delicious drinks, good atmosphere, and friendly waitstaff, Coffee Strong also provides soldiers, families, and recent vets a place away from post where they can learn about resources available to them. There at Coffee Strong, they can meet with GI Rights and other types of counselors, and access regular VA workshops to advise them about their benefits. In addition, the coffeehouse will hold weekly movie nights, concerts, and other events.

And don't forget, feeding our delicious, delicious, legal addiction.

I owe posts!

2008-11-20T23:09:00.005-05:00

I figured if I listed them here, the public humiliation would be a motivating factor for me to actually get it done.

1. A post on IAVA's new PSA.-Done!
2. A post on Coffee Strong -Done!
3. CJ and his guest last night.
4. Balad
5. Stars and Stripes Loves Me
6. Casey Porter and Living Fobulous
7. The Lautenberg amendment and domestic violence in the military

Have a topic? Post it here ! and I'll do my best to respond to it in a timely fashion.

Yes, Darling, You Can

2008-11-20T04:26:00.002-05:00

I didn't post about it, because it had nothing to do with the cause I fight in this blog, or my military life. I didn't post about it for two weeks, and that fact is probably one of the most shameful things I've done in activism. It wasn't intentional, but can I honestly say that a corner of me wasn't wondering: will I lose my street cred on the Iraq War if I come out in full opposition to the Yes On Prop 8 folks? To quote Emerson, "As soon as he has once acted or spoken with eclat, he is a committed person, watched by the sympathy or the hatred of hundreds, whose affections must now enter into his account."

But that is low. That is small, and puling, and weak, and low, and I refuse to do it any longer, if in fact I ever was. If any of you think less of me because I see nothing whatsoever against gay marriage, then I'm sorry for your opinions, and you're welcome to cease associating with me at any time if you are so moved to do so.

I hear a lot about reasons why Proposition 8, banning gay marriage from being recognized in California, passed. One of the things I hear about is an ad, in which a cute little girl is heard saying "Mom, guess what I learned in school today. I learned how a prince married a prince, and I can marry a princess!"

Not known to most, because I don't talk much about it, is that I, too, have a little girl. I don't mention it because politics is vile, and I didn't want her to see someone outside her school yelling at her because of her mother's opinions. I may not mention it again after this post. But she is beautiful, and smart, and everything a mother could dream.

Why is that ad so vile? More importantly, why is that ad so scary? If my daughter were to come home and tell me that, that she learned she could marry a princess, I would not be afraid. I would scoop her up in my arms, like I do for all the serious conversations, and say, "Yes, darling. You can be a lawyer, a poet, a dreamer or an astronaut. You can be anyone you want to be and if you want to be a princess who marries another princess, then I will dance at your wedding and laugh with your children no matter whose Y chromosome they bear. Because I love you, and your happiness is worth more than my own."

And all I've got to say about this issue comes from a song from SonIa, which is absolutely amazing and expresses pretty much how I feel about not just this but a lot of issues, including patriotism and why I'm involved with IVAW. And I hope and pray that my daughter, no matter who she decides to love or what she decides to do, can always feel safe enough to come to me like this. It's called, "Me, Too"

Her daddy was a soldier in the Vietnam War
And she was proud to see her father in a fresh-pressed uniform
He came home on a stretcher in 1966
Welcome back - fellow Americans throwing tomatoes and sticks

He said, "Darlin', don't you worry, there are two sides to everything.
I did what I believe in; I want you to do the same.
I stood up for my country, and that's a solid bet.
And I'll stand up for freedom every chance I get."

Because America shines, in front of me
All the world could see if they wanted to
I raise this flag for you,
Me, Too

She grew up on a bible, she grew up on love
She grew up thinking she could change the world, if she only worked hard enough
She became a lawyer, hoped to marry a good-looking man
But she fell in love with the girl next door, so that wasn't part of the plan

Because America shines, in front of me
All the world could see if they wanted to
I raise this flag for you,
Me, Too

The years spin by while the corn grows high
For every train you catch, you miss one
So watch your life just racin' by
It's time to tell Daddy this one

She sat down in the corner, she could still see the door
She said Daddy, I've got to tell you something I've never said before
He said, "Shhhh. Everybody has a war."

You see, it's not about oil, and it's not about guns
And it's not about rainbows, it's about daughters and sons
If you believe in tomorrow then I have taught you well,
'Cause if you don't believe in yourself, life's a living hell

And you'll always shine in front of me
All the world could see if they wanted to
I raise this flag for you,
Me, Too

A President Like Me

2008-11-19T06:34:00.003-05:00

Isn't that what everyone's been talking about for the last eight years? They elected a president like themselves, or like they wanted to be seen. They elected a president they thought they'd rather barbecue with, and enjoyed what they viewed as the back-door morality of his decisions, regardless of what they did to the country.

Hopefully mine won't prove as disastrous, but reading this New York Times story about Obama in the digital age, I realized that I now understand what those guys were talking about, even though I still disagreed with their assessment. At last, I have a President who in many ways is just like me.

His messages to advisers and friends, they say, are generally crisp, properly spelled and free of symbols or emoticons. The time stamps provided a window into how much he was sleeping on a given night, with messages often being sent to staff members at 1 a.m. or as late as 3 a.m. if he was working on an important speech.

I've lost track of how many times various IVAW members and allies threatened not to allow me to submit any more work unless I got a varying minimum hours of sleep a night. And god! Correct spelling, perhaps even a grammarian! Despite myself and my best intentions to stay neutral, I can't help but get a little starry-eyed.

He received a scaled-down list of news clippings, with his advisers wanting to keep him from reading blogs and news updates all day long, yet aides said he still seemed to hear about nearly everything in real time. A network of friends — some from college, others from Chicago and various chapters in his life — promised to keep him plugged in.

Again, I'm reminded of that long drive from Florida to Maryland for Winter Soldier, with a documentary filmmaker in the car terrified of how often I was checking my email from my phone, as friends and associates from all over the country kept me looped in even though I had no access, other than cellphone-based email, to the internet.

Oh, Obama. I too, like the right in this country for the last eight years, dream of a President who shares my values, and will even have his staff meeting with IVAW. I dare to hope that with the quirks, dedication, and drive come the shared passions and commitment to sacrifice. I dare to hope that these similarities are not just superficial, but real.

I dare to hope..but yet, the eternal cynic, I fear being disappointed.

Emails of Doom

2008-11-17T08:26:00.003-05:00

One thing I really, really hate in the Army, though I'll be the first to admit it probably only exists in the MI Corps, is the passive-aggressive email.

It's all the better when the email comes from someone who sits less than ten feet from you, or even when they're just a hundred feet away. It makes me really hate the computers. Rather than take the effort to actually get up, walk over, and tell the soldier what they need (or god forbid, pick up a phone) some incredibly lazy NCOs just send out an email. The advantage is that the stupidity just looks even funnier when it's actually in text.

Like this one. A little background: right now, I have access to the NIPR, because my battalion commander decided to be awesome and while I was pulling a detail, encouraged me to sit down and use the computer and still get the job done. Is my NCO aware of that? Probably not. As far as he knows, today I may not access email, tomorrow is an appointment at Landstuhl, where I'll be nowhere near a NIPR, and Wednesday is the event he's talking about.

"We will be conducting an APFT on Wednesday, 19 November. You will both be graders, along with myself and SFC Laidback.

Also, on Thursday, 20 November, we will be having an inspection of the winter PT uniform at work. Please bring the PT jacket, pants, gloves, cap, and PT reflective belt. The reason we are doing this is to ensure that we are all wearing the appropriate uniform for the Brigade run the next day, on 21 November.

First of all, again, it is the purest of coincidences that I got this email. I still haven't received any call, or touching base, or hell, even a "Please acknowledge receipt". It is highly likely that I could have gone without knowing that a PT test was magically scheduled and I was magically a grader, resulting in me not showing up to the location and failing to report for duty. Thanks, guy.

Secondly, is he actually serious? We're having an inspection of our winter PTs? I have been in the Army for eight years. In that time, I've done my good share of Brigade, Battalion, and even Post runs. During none of that time have I ever, ever, EVER, had a PT gear inspection the day prior, to be sure that my PT gear didn't eat itself magically overnight. The usual answer is "Wear all your gear, this is the uniform, if it's jacked up, you'll be sorry". And very rarely is anyone jacked up for those. The only time I ever had a soldier with a uniform problem, it was because someone stole his PT jacket that morning out of the dryer. Which, you know, a PT gear inspection the day prior would not have prevented, I note.

I think a large part of the reason why this came out in email form is because any NCO worth their salt would have been ashamed to pass this down. "Hey, NCOs, I need you guys to, uh...do a PT inspection.." By the time we were finished laughing, he might have reconsidered. But on email, you don't have to see the other person's face, you can just throw a lot of 'you wills' in, to make any questioning challenging an order.

Man. This guy really pushes all my buttons...

Charlie Chaplin and the Shredder

2008-11-17T05:43:00.002-05:00

Well, bloggers everywhere are capturing the exciting moments. A majority of my "Exciting" moments were classified, and also, unless I miss my mark, in the past ever since I was taken out of the deploying battalion I was initially placed in. I'm still not sure what makes someone strongly opposed to the Iraq occupation a potential liability for the Afghanistan War, but hey. I'm also pretty sure it's not the smartest move they ever made. "We're going to punish you, by not letting you be in a high-rotation deploying unit." Man, if only the rest of the Army knew or thought that way, people would be lining up in droves to do anti-Iraq-war organizing.

At any rate, I am in the unit I am in, and it's probably better in some ways. Definitely lower stress than being downrange. But there's also a higher sense of the ridiculous. As, for example, the shredder incident today.

I don't know about the rest of the Army, but the Military Intelligence Corps loves its destruction of classified and unclassified material. It didn't always used to be so high-tech, of course- I remember days gone by where we got to put it all in a metal garbage can and toss a match. Those were good days, as were the ones when we got to use sledgehammers to break anything what needed breaking. But these days, it's usually the shredders of doom.

I won't describe them in too much detail, lest the enemy read this post and design comprehensive anti-shredder technology. But suffice it to say, we were by the ultimate daddy of shredders. It was one of those shredders that if your mother had seen, she would have shrieked at you for not getting a finger caught. That thing was the ultimate doom of unwanted paper. Which was good, because we had about two dumpsters full of material to shred as we pack up our battalion. How did I get tagged for this detail, you ask? Well, somebody had to supervise, and I've never been a big believer in leading from the rear. Yes, exciting Army times indeed, but someone has to do it.

I'm sure I'm forfeiting any potential hearing disability compensation by admitting this, but I'm one of those soldiers who almost never wears hearing protection. This has led to some interesting times when ill-timed explosions have tried to make me regret that decision in the past, but after having met a fellow soldier who set off a cannon (yes, really) by his left ear and survived intact, I have always been one of the folks to tough it out.

After five minutes of that behemoth of a machine, however, I took the damn hearing protection.

This wound up having the delightful result of turning our entire time in the shred room into a Charlie Chaplin-esque silent picture. Wild gestures and body language were used for all communication, along with expressive shrugs, winks, and grandiose gestures. I half expected someone to start shuffling and soft-shoeing during an imminent break. It was incredibly destressing. Anyone's having a lot going on, I recommend that they try out the shred room.

Dealing with these massive shred piles, it's always a little interesting. Like an archaeological expedition. What are you going to find? Everything from fingerprint cards to letters of reprimand for fraternization made it in. Fortunately we didn't have a lot of time to be curious, as it all went down faster than original veteran paperwork at the VA.

There you guys go. I'm sure you'll be begging for the political posts back any day now.

Donate If You Can

2008-11-16T09:18:00.002-05:00

Some of you may have noticed I've added a donation button on the right side of this blog. "What does this mean? Are you selling out? Are you trying to bilk innocent webgoers into paying for your debauchery?" The simple answer is 'no'. The real answer of why is a little bit more complicated.

Everyone's happy about Obama, myself included. But the real fact is that no longer how many times his campaign staff sits down with IVAW, he is not about to end the war tomorrow. IVAW still has work to do, and so do I.

I don't know if I've talked about it here before or not, but in addition to being a member of IVAW, I also head the GI Outreach Committee, which is a smaller subgroup that focuses only on reaching out to existing active duty, national guard, and reserve servicemembers. It also focuses on helping to get IVAW active duty, national guard, and reserve troops organizer training, and any help they may happen to need.

Now that the tide is beginning to turn, many people are resting on their laurels. They're slowing their donations, and waiting for Obama to fix everything. We, particularly the servicemember-organizers of Iraq Veterans Against the War, refuse to wait for anything. We are going out to help bring about the world we want to see, and bring our points of unity to a reality. There are still troops dying in Iraq. There are still veterans being inadequately taken care of at home. Something still needs to be done.

With that in mind, we are continuing forward, and have a very ambitious project taking place this winter. It will mean servicemember-organizers flying all over the country to help organize their fellow soldiers en masse. But, like many other things, it takes money. It takes money to get soldiers on planes, and with how little we're paid, that's not money we can easily afford on our own. And that's why, at long last, I'm asking those of you who can, those of you who feel that there is still work to do and you want to help accomplish it, to donate whatever you can towards this project.

If you can't donate but still want to help in some way, whether it's passing this word on to your email lists, helping to house or feed soldiers, or helping to produce items you want to go to soldiers being outreached, please feel free to email me at armysergeant@ivaw.org.

Thank you all for your time, your commitment, your support, and all that you have done for myself, other servicemember-organizers, and the movement as a whole.

Fuck You, "Yes Men".

2008-11-13T01:18:00.005-05:00

You know, I'm as up for pranks as the next guy, seriously, and I love fake news just as much, in its proper place. The Onion, Jon Stewart...all of these are pretty damn cool.

What's not cool is the prank the "Yes Men" played on New York.

New York Times Special Edition Video News Release - Nov. 12, 2008 from H Schweppes on Vimeo.

It is seriously not funny. I think of that guy who's so happy watching it, and I think, how could you people, whoever you are, do it to 1.2 million people? 1.2. million papers looking exactly like a New York Times, except with the news you wish were happening? 1.2 million people, reading. Maybe some of them were soldiers (or veterans, as the Daily News took reaction from a former Marine and Iraq veteran who believed the story, for a while) Maybe some of them were families of soldiers. Maybe some of them thought for one exhilarating movement, that the people they loved would not have to run a chance of dying or being wounded anymore.

It's been done before by deluded idealists, never on such a large scale, and the sense of wrongness has been expressed much better than I could in Julia Vinograd's poem "Ginsberg", which always makes me cry when read aloud (you can hear it in my voice as I read it here).

Ginsberg

No blame. Anyone who wrote Howl and Kaddish
earned the right to make any possible mistake
for the rest of his life.
I just wish I hadn't made this mistake with him.
It was during the Vietnam war
and he was giving a great protest reading
in Washington Square Park
and nobody wanted to leave.
So Ginsberg got the idea, "I'm going to shout
"the war is over" as loud as I can," he said
"and all of you run over the city
in different directions
yelling the war is over, shout it in offices,
shops, everywhere and when enough people
believe the war is over
why, not even the politicians
will be able to keep it going."
I thought it was a great idea at the time
a truly poetic idea.
So when Ginsberg yelled I ran down the street
and leaned in the doorway
of the sort of respectable down on its luck cafeteria
where librarians and minor clerks have lunch
and I yelled "the war is over."
And a little old lady looked up
from her cottage cheese and fruit salad.
She was so ordinary she would have been invisible
except for the terrible light
filling her face as she whispered
"My son. My son is coming home."
I got myself out of there and was sick in some bushes.
That was the first time I believed there was a war.

Stars and Stripes, We're Back On

2008-11-12T09:16:00.002-05:00

Those of you who have known me for a while know that I tend to have a bit of a love-hate relationship with the Stars and Stripes, the Army's unofficial-official military newspaper. Sometimes I love what they say and the way they try to avoid censorship. Sometimes I hate the way they have been apologists for the Bush Administration long past the time even the Military Times ceased.

This week is one of the weeks that I love them again. Why, you ask? Well, they did in fact publish a letter of mine, and it's finally made it to the online edition so I can link it.

The important excerpt, of course, is:

...But what I was sad to see is that this enormous piece was entirely about South Korean protests. What about American protests? When a major American protest happens, even when soldiers and veterans are involved, we definitely don’t hear about it in Stars and Stripes. We don’t even really hear about the veteran protesters, such as Sgt. Nick Morgan, of Iraq Veterans Against the War, who suffered a cheekbone broken in three places from being trampled by a police horse recently at Hofstra University (mentioned in the Army Times, but not our daily paper). Why aren’t these protester-veterans profiled in a two-page spread, instead of three South Koreans?...

I'm also particularly proud of the Stars and Stripes for the courageous stance they took against attempted military censorship during their coverage of the election. As Stripes said, the memorandum is clear: that they are entitled to gain access to common areas to report. Yet for some reason, the Pentagon had an issue with this. One wonders just precisely why. Fortunately, Stripes took their prior orders literally, and still sent their reporters out, and they wrote a very nice piece. It might not be how I would have written it, but still very nice.

Stars and Stripes is also notable for publishing stories about the Winter Soldier II hearings, Matthis Chiroux and other's IRR refusals, and I am told IVAW's presence at the Democratic National Convention, though I haven't seen the article itself. They've also published a few letters from myself and other IVAW members over the past years.

Armistice Day / Veterans Day

2008-11-11T10:46:00.002-05:00

Veterans Day. To many, it marks sales. To some, it marks a time for parades. Only too few remember now what it is and what it has been.

In the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, the most brutal war the world had ever seen came to an end. A war so brutal and all encompassing that it was simply called "The World War". No one thought that there would ever be another. I've looked at my great-grandfather's census card, and he lists his status as a veteran, and simply "World War". No one then thought there would be the need to pencil in a Roman numeral after it.

Over 20 million people died in that war. I don't think our minds can adequately understand how many people that is. Roughly two and a half times the population of New York City is how I remember it. Imagine that every voice in that city was silenced, the place full only of corpses. It is not possible. I do not think any of us, no matter how long we live, will ever be able to imagine a place of that much death. I hope not, anyway.

Everyone sees the poppies everywhere, the VFW with them in their hands. Or maybe just everyone near military posts. But even the military too often forget why.
It's because of Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, who wrote this on a piece of paper, on the back of a friend during a lull in the bombing. Like so many, he did not survive to see the end of the war.

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

It was so ugly that it was called "The War To End All Wars". The war that was going to make us all talk to each other, end petty tyrannies and expansions and evil, end the idea that millions of people need to die because somebody shot the archduke Ferdinand.

Of course, it failed.
We know now that it failed, but the world will never dance and roar as loud as they did then, when they thought they had defeated it forever. Armistice Day was set as a day to remember this peace that would last.

Then the next war came, and it was devoted simply to veterans. The world had grown older, and knew that there would be many more wars to come. There were no superlatives after World War Two. Even now, we anticipate another one.

Today, I remember veterans and soldiers who gave themselves for something they believe in. But I also remember the ugliness of war-not just today, but what happens after. And I encourage everyone to remember those who have given everything not just today, not just in heroics, but every day.

To that end, I also give you "The Last of the Light Brigade", by Rudyard Kipling.

There were thirty million English who talked of England's might,
There were twenty broken troopers who lacked a bed for the night.
They had neither food nor money, they had neither service nor trade;
They were only shiftless soldiers, the last of the Light Brigade.

They felt that life was fleeting; they knew not that art was long,
That though they were dying of famine, they lived in deathless song.
They asked for a little money to keep the wolf from the door;
And the thirty million English sent twenty pounds and four !

They laid their heads together that were scarred and lined and grey;
Keen were the Russian sabres, but want was keener than they;
And an old Troop-Sergeant muttered, "Let us go to the man who writes
The things on Balaclava the kiddies at school recites."

They went without bands or colours, a regiment ten-file strong,
To look for the Master-singer who had crowned them all in his song;
And, waiting his servant's order, by the garden gate they stayed,
A desolate little cluster, the last of the Light Brigade.

They strove to stand to attention, to straighen the toil-bowed back;
They drilled on an empty stomach, the loose-knit files fell slack;
With stooping of weary shoulders, in garments tattered and frayed,
They shambled into his presence, the last of the Light Brigade.

The old Troop-Sergeant was spokesman, and "Beggin' your pardon," he said,
"You wrote o' the Light Brigade, sir. Here's all that isn't dead.
An' it's all come true what you wrote, sir, regardin' the mouth of hell;
For we're all of us nigh to the workhouse, an' we thought we'd call an' tell.

"No, thank you, we don't want food, sir; but couldn't you take an' write
A sort of 'to be continued' and 'see next page' o' the fight?
We think that someone has blundered, an' couldn't you tell 'em how?
You wrote we were heroes once, sir. Please, write we are starving now."

The poor little army departed, limping and lean and forlorn.
And the heart of the Master-singer grew hot with "the scorn of scorn."
And he wrote for them wonderful verses that swept the land like flame,
Till the fatted souls of the English were scourged with the thing called Shame.

O thirty million English that babble of England's might,
Behold there are twenty heroes who lack their food to-night;
Our children's children are lisping to "honour the charge they made - "
And we leave to the streets and the workhouse the charge of the Light Brigade!

PTSD Is Not An Excuse

2008-11-09T16:03:00.006-05:00

I've thought a lot about this, and have wanted to say something about this for a long time, but I was never really angry enough to break past the filmy barrier that's been preventing us from saying things about this for a long time. Do I care for my brothers who have PTSD? Absolutely. Do I understand that PTSD is debilitating? Absolutely. I have it myself and it's a really hard thing to live with. Can it even be disabling? Yes. If you've seen some of the people I have, you'd absolutely understand that.

But it is NOT A FUCKING EXCUSE.

I will admit here that I struggle with my anger every day. Every single day. I am number one for walking out on the job right now, because my leadership understands that walking out and cooling down is much more productive than yelling or hitting something. But once you know that you have PTSD, I think you have a responsibility as well to try to temper it. You try as hard as you possibly can to avoid situations that you know are going to tempt you. For example: I used to love going out by myself to strange bars and drinking with new friends. I don't do it anymore, after the time when I got myself involved in someone else's fight and spent the next hour limping, bleeding, and talking my way out of trouble with the MPs. Do I wish I had the control to be able to do it? Yes, you're damn right I do. But I acknowledge that it's a risk factor, and so I don't go out drinking unless I'm accompanied by someone I trust to get me out of Dodge if trouble looks like it's rising.

I'm sick and tired of people who claim that their PTSD is the excuse for them indulging in all sorts of bad behavior. It's an explanation, but it's not an excuse. If you had the opportunity to mitigate or avoid the situation but decided to stick it out anyway because you knew you could get away with it by claiming PTSD? You are not a victim, you are an asshole.

I'll put myself on blast here, and explain that my PTSD is 'noncombat', in that it does not directly relate to official combat with an official enemy. Instead it is domestic violence and sexual assault related, in that the combat involved me unarmed, facing an armed enemy who also happened to be my husband at the time. I still, to this day, am affected by it. Every day, I am quick to lose my temper, and god help me if you abuse women in my presence. I once got into a fistfight with a man a head and a half taller and two feet wider than myself over it. When someone deserves it, I am happy, genuinely happy, to wade into the fray even if I am going to take some serious damage. But when someone doesn't deserve it, I hold back.

I've had to deal with a lot of other people with PTSD in the line of work I involve myself in. Dealing with veterans, you see a lot of it. But what I also see, and I wish I didn't, is a pattern of using it as an excuse. Using combat PTSD as an excuse for why someone beats their wife, or raped a woman. Why they attempted to attack someone half their size for no apparent reason. Why it's okay to rip kids off bikes if you think they're doing something like you saw once in Iraq.

It's not fucking okay.
It is not fucking okay.
It is NOT FUCKING OKAY.

If you feel like you need to beat your wife? Maybe it's time to go in to counseling. Tell your wife what's going on. Start leaving the house when you start getting angry.

If you feel like you're incapable of getting physical without forcing your way to sex at the end because dammit, you somehow deserve to get what you want? You need to be away from women for a while. Seriously.

And here's another important one: if you want to get people to tiptoe lightly around your mental health issues, you need to tiptoe lightly around theirs. If you want people not to make loud noises around you, you need to listen to a woman's request that you give her a room with a lock on it. If you want people to try not to provoke your temper? You need to try not to provoke other people's, and be adult enough to walk away when you are.

I respect those whose sufferings in combat have caused them great pain that they are not able to fully recover from. But their mental health issues are not one bit more holy or sacrosanct than anyone else's. We all need to be respected, we all need to be treated as human and as brothers. /Especially/ as soldiers and veterans, and especially within veterans groups.

Images here are from the very excellent Men Can Stop Rape campaign, that my SARC showed me to.

Obama, Part I

2008-11-07T08:48:00.003-05:00

I can remember my first sight of the man. I had never heard of him. I was sitting in the Legal Assistance office in Yongsan, Korea, preparing for my divorce. In the room, the Democratic National Convention was playing on a single corner TV screen. Small, tinny, the volume wavering. Yet I listened to this man I had never heard of speak, and I was touched.

"That we can say what we think, write what we think, without hearing a sudden knock on the door."

It didn't apply to me at the time. It applies to me now. I know that what I am doing is right. I know that it is just and legal. But I fear, where I never did before, a sudden knock on the door. I know others who fear that same knock. And I know that it is wrong, and I am glad and grateful to have a President coming who may remember this, and remember us who believe that dissenting is in fact to be protected.

When we send our young men and women into harm’s way, we have a solemn obligation not to fudge the numbers or shade the truth about why they’re going, to care for their families while they’re gone, to tend to the soldiers upon their return, and to never ever go to war without enough troops to win the war, secure the peace, and earn the respect of the world.

Yes. Oh, yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Back then I had not grown into my strong opposition to the Iraq occupation, but even then I knew that our troops were not being treated fairly in exchange for what they were giving. That they were being sent out unprotected, unfinanced, unloved by the giants that set their actions in motion but would never risk themselves or their children. I can never know what started the process, but perhaps if the seed was already planted, this speech may have helped me on my way.

If there’s an Arab American family being rounded up without benefit of an attorney or due process, that threatens my civil liberties.

I grew up in a New York City so tolerant that I did not learn racism still existed until I joined the Army. I could not conceive of a world where people would be prejudiced against based on their race and their heritage. Where their rights would be taken away. This echoed more than most.

Well, I say to them tonight, there is not a liberal America and a conservative America — there is the United States of America. There is not a Black America and a White America and Latino America and Asian America — there’s the United States of America.

The pundits, the pundits like to slice-and-dice our country into Red States and Blue States; Red States for Republicans, Blue States for Democrats. But I’ve got news for them, too:

We worship an awesome God in the Blue States, and we don’t like federal agents poking around in our libraries in the Red States.

We coach Little League in the Blue States and yes, we’ve got some gay friends in the Red States.

There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq and there are patriots who supported the war in Iraq.

And this is what helped to give my heart hope during a difficult time. That things were not all black or all white. That somebody, somebody out there understood my own pain and difficulties of feeling stretched in the middle, as a fiscal conservative and social liberal. I was not all red or all blue and felt that I could not be alone. That the world could not be so divided into evil and good and I unable to tell which side was which except by looking to which party Bush was sitting in.

I hope dearly that our new president-elect will remember this. Will remember the speech that gave me and others hope. The speech that made me say in the room "Why isn't /that/ guy running for President?" And someone else say, "Someday."

Now it is that someday, and it has come a lot sooner than I expected.

America lived up to and beyond a thousand times my hope for it. It surpassed my already large expectations and dreams.

Now I only hope that he will not get shot, as Colin Powell's wife feared when talk was of him running for office.

Broken bones? Take a tylenol and drink water

2008-10-25T17:09:00.006-04:00

Photos are credited to Bill Perry, who's also the Philly VSO-full pictures can be found here.

For those who were unaware, the police at the Hofstra debate action, in response to the civilian crowd surging forward, wheeled their horses, knocking Sergeant Nick Morgan to the ground, upon which one of the horses trampled him, leaving hoofprints on his ribs and also breaking his cheekbone in three places. He was very clearly on the sidewalk at the time he was first hit by the horse, as can be seen in various YouTube videos.

Man down.

Nick Morgan after initial medical treatment-motrin and a water. Maybe they wanted him to feel at home, like he was back in the Army.

Nick is doing a bit better-he has been seen in a VA hospital, and apparently the Philadelphia VA is a class act, far better than the civilian hospital he was first seen in. The Army Times story about the veterans arrested has also mentioned it here. All the best to Nick. Anyone wants to email me with wishes of support or wishes for a swift recovery to him, feel free to email me at sgtivaw@gmail.com and I will forward it on.

I'll let Nick tell you about his progress in his own words.

From Nick Morgan,

I have spent several hours at the VA in Philadelphia and will be having surgery on Thursday, Oct. 23rd to stop my eye from sinking into my sinus cavity. The lower orbital (cheekbone) on the right side of my face is broken in three places. My nose may be fractured but will heal by itself since it is not out of place. I also have scrapes, bruises, and significant pain in my ribs (the x-rays were negative).

Every day someone tells me how much better my face looks. The stitches are still in and look like they are ready to come out. The swelling has almost subsided but there is still a fair amount of blood around my eye. My vision is a little blurry sometimes but it should get better. I don’t have feeling in a portion of my upper lip, nose, and upper right set of teeth. The surgeons said the feeling might come back depending on what type of nerve damage occurred. It’s getting much easier to eat. I just have to make sure to stay away from crunchy things and to take small bites, as my mouth still won’t open completely. Sleeping isn’t exactly easy because I can only sleep on my back due to my injuries…but other than all that, life is good!

The surgery will be fairly straightforward (from what I can gather). They will go under my eyelid and possibly above my gums to insert a degradable reinforcement for my cheekbone. They will obviously be monitoring my eye closely for quite some time. I will do my best to keep everyone posted upon recovering from surgery. Again, thanks to everyone for your concern and support!

The March at the DNC

2008-10-25T16:11:00.001-04:00

This post has been written in bits and pieces, and is so damn late as to be nearly irrelevant. But TSO called me out, so here it is. This will be periodically updated with videos, which is what the holdup was last time.

It’s (at the time) three days later, and it’s still hard for me to write about the march. It was such an amazing and emotional experience that I still can barely talk about it aloud calmly-and writing is just as bad.

Even the morning was incredible-watching everyone get up and shave and put their uniform on, one after the other, choked me up. I’ve always felt that my fellow IVAW members were in many ways my soldiers, but having it made more explicitly clear literally blew my mind. Walking around and brushing lint off Class As, straightening someone’s tie, pulling strings off someone else’s uniform…it was just like any other unit I’ve been in getting ready for inspection. Looking at Josh Earl in his dress blues, or Jeff Key and Liam Madden in their Marine dress uniforms, seeing them all smile and laugh and get ready…seeing the number of IVAW members who shaved entire beards off to put their dress uniforms on again…Hari Khalsa, who went from a scruffy comedian to a wise-cracking NCO again….everyone, too many to name. IVAW /was/ my unit, and I wished like hell I could have been with them in my own dress uniform. It pained me to be wearing civilian clothes and old black boots from my BDU days-the only part of an old uniform I could legally wear, which would help with the marching-and also with helping me march with one foot a mess of blisters from police liason the other day.

We rolled out in shifts to the Rage Against the Machine show, and I have to say that the consideration that the band gave us was amazing. Watching them salute the IVAW members in uniform from the stage, hearing the audience shouting for the troops to come home and seeing the wild, enthusiastic applause for IVAW and their points of unity was incredible. (Not to mention my amusement as the crowd chanted 'USA' for the IVAW members for probably the first time ever.)

I had given over my role as police liason to Robynn and Geoff Millard, as I was going to be marching and involved in the action. We had a good passdown and changeover, and were pleased to be met by Lieutenant Porter again, as well as the Chief of Police and Vice Chief of Police for Denver. The other two were stopping through, but had a good productive conversation with our liasons. Although we did not have a prior permit, they said that while they would prefer that we kept to the sidewalk, if there were too many people, they would block off a lane of traffic for us. We were also following a route previously suggested by them, for ease of flow and minimum traffic disruption.
The call to fall in was given, and we began to march out. I initially started the cadence calling, and I swelled almost to bursting at it. To call cadence that I had written for a platoon full of people that I loved was beyond intense.

Eventually my voice gave out and I had to turn it over to another of my brothers-in-arms, and contented myself with sounding off as loudly as possible so that the streets echoed with our sound.

There were some issues to marching in cadence with civilians following behind, though. I saw elsewhere on the internet that one of the civlians thought we were negotiating each time we stopped, but really, we were waiting for the civilians to catch up. The ones near the front of the formation were keeping up okay, but the ones near the middle and back were doing the accordion thing that happens at battalion runs, and my fellow IVAW members didn’t want to leave them behind. Marching is the way it is because the timing makes it a fairly efficient way to move troops at a good pace. Civilians, not so much. At one point we tried to 'rout step crawl', but troops, in uniform or out, don't make very good slow walkers, so we went back to marching and pausing.

Another thing occurred that I would not have expected-we had the devil of a time getting the media to respect formation integrity. So used, during our time in the military, to everyone honoring a formation, not going in front of a formation or through a formation, and giving it clear space on the sides, it had not occurred to us that the media and general civilians might not realize it was disrespectful. Some of them, who shall remain nameless, got quite upset about it, one of them even physically assaulting our media coordinator, Francesca LoBasso.

The support of the people of Denver, and the police themselves, was incredible. They lined the streets for us, parents bringing their children and people coming out on their balconies. For an unpermitted march, it was more like a parade, with even the police having somewhat of a festive atmosphere. Of course, they probably thought we were planning to go into the “Freedom Cage”-and yes, that really was its name. They even sent a golf-cart style vehicle ahead of us flashing ‘Welcome to Denver’.

(Below follows the more recent portion)
We had previously decided that no way, no how, were veterans and servicemembers who had served their country, many of them in combat, going to be forced into a 'Freedom Cage'. What purpose supposedly defending freedom abroad if there's no freedom here at home? Jeff Key says it better than I can in the below video.

Yet, as we marched, we found ourselves steered towards an elaborate cattle chute, designed to keep us out of the way, hidden from the delegates. In true herding fashion, there were no police at the front of the march that we could possibly have had any sort of confrontation with. I have to give the police of Denver their due. It was a brilliant move. Had they been dealing with any other protest group whatsoever, it would have worked. We would have been stopped, stalled, robbed of our energy, and eventually dispersed.

But military formations and commands were created for this. We simply passed the word back through the civilians that IVAW would be coming back through, and they parted like the red sea-allowing a simple about-face to place us in perfect position to march back through our following crowds, and find another point, closer to the Pepsi Center, and far better for negotiations.

We faced off at the gate. There were lines of riot police, riot police on cherry pickers, riot police armed with rubber bullets and tear gas. As we slowly began to move the formation forward, a few steps closer at a time, I have to say that there was a point when I fully expected to be shot. It's not that we were a threat to the police force, and we had already explained that when the arrestable IVAW members reached the front they fully were prepared to cooperate with police and go quietly without struggle. But I am nothing if not able to put myself in someone else's shoes, and I could easily put myself in the shoes of the Denver police at that moment. We were relatively new in that city to massive, disciplined actions. There was a military formation of highly disciplined troops who were not breaking formation, not shouting and yelling and showing lack of coordination, but taking orders from our platoon leader. They had a good relationship with us from the other day, but still-if I were a police officer, I would not want to confront a company size element of troops (if you include the nonarrestable contingent, who historically is known for switching to arrestable when seeing other IVAW members go down). I especially would not want to confront a company size element who managed to get a protest crowd of over 5,000-10,000 (depending on different crowd estimates) to follow direction. They had no way of knowing what the mob was there for.

For local media video, and also to see more IVAW thanking the police, this is a good video.

Deep credit once again goes to the liasons, both on our side and on the police side. But even more credit goes to Jason Hurd and Kris Goldsmith, who took the megaphone and addressed the police themselves. As we in formation saluted the police, Jason Hurd called out to them as fellows who had taken an oath to protect, as the fellow veterans that many of them were. The Denver PD, we learned the previous day, had a large contingent of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans. We addressed them as the brothers they were, as seen below, and explained that we did not want to hurt them, and would not resist even if they decided that their orders meant they had to hurt us. That many of us had been the men with the guns, the men facing a crowd, but that we had an easier task than they did. We had never been asked to act against American citizens. We had never been asked to act against brothers.

We knew the police did not want to arrest us-nor did they want our lines to meet. They had worked with us the previous day and knew who we were, and respected us. But we also knew that they had orders, and their orders (and the orders likely given by the Secret Service) required them to keep us back from any possibility of reaching inside.

Impartial observers reported that five veteran-police officers had to remove themselves from the line due to beginning to tear up and one actually crying so badly that he gave his riot control weapon to another police officer and walked off the line without asking for permission first. We were all brothers that day, and no one, no one, wanted to hurt each other.

Fortunately, when we were maybe five or ten feet away from the actual police line, the Obama campaign sent out orders to the police to allow two of our representatives inside, where they were met with the veterans affairs liason for the campaign, supposedly to talk about getting our letter read to the delegates.

Initially, we believed that it was a victory, and that Obama had agreed to this. Someone even shouted that he had agreed to endorse our three points of unity. This later proved to be bad intelligence, but at the time, we truly believed that we had won. That the person most likely (at least given polls) to be president of the United States had listened to us, and would continue our goals into policy. That the burden of what we had done and still had to do might possibly be lifted. That there was a chance-just a chance-that this struggle so many of us have devoted so much of our lives to might be over.

I am not ashamed to admit that as the order was given to fall out, I cried as I hugged more people than I ever had in a single day before, as the crowd of civilians behind us chanted "Yes we can". I was whirled up by brother after brother and was awash with more intense joy than I had felt in years. The belief that my brothers would be coming home. That the world would slowly begin to be put right again. That the military would begin to change back to what it was when soldiers took care of each other.

We fell out onto the grass, exhausted. Many of us had gone without sleep, and had marched in the blazing hot sun for quite some time. The slowness of the crowd meant that we were out for hours in the heat, and the water resupply had given out as soon as the cattlechute got tighter. Many of us had eaten very little or nothing all day. We collapsed in peace, in that exhausted peace that comes with having done your work well and completely. We told the crowd we had achieved victory, and they mingled with us for some time before leaving. Food Not Bombs took a quick count of our numbers and headed off, later to return with the most amazing chili I had tasted in quite some time. Hunger is always the best sauce. They came out at night when they didn't have to, just to feed us. We felt one with the city, one with the police. We mingled with them all, laughed with them, shook their hands and talked about our lives. Some of them tried to recruit us to the Denver police department. Some of us tried to recruit them to IVAW. Everyone was in good spirits. It's always a good day when you don't have to shoot anyone. It's always a good day when you don't have to be shot or arrested. It's always a good day when you can find common ground.

In the end, the letter was not read to the delegates. As a veteran tribute was taking place inside, veterans were essentially ignored by many delegates outside. However, it did make it to the veteran liason, who read it and promised to deliver it to Obama. I have no idea if he did or not. But still, it was an incredible action. I only wish more could go like that.

Totally For TSO: The Campaign Gets Ugly

2008-10-25T15:45:00.002-04:00

Two posts in a row, what do you know? This one is more bringing the funny. I didn't write it, but apparently this thing has been floating around the internet. It's the political campaign, brought down to the level of...a roleplaying campaign. I don't even get all the references, but I know someone who will. Cough cough.

Full thing can be found here, and it's pretty hilarious. Yes, it makes fun of McCain (as WELL as others) and he is a veteran. Like I said, I didn't write it. It's still funny.

A couple excerpts, though you should really go read the whole thing, especially if you are a gamer...

GM: OK, the bugbear attacks you. What do you do?

OBAMA: I send one of my 672 henchmen after it.

MCCAIN: OK, seriously. Why does he have so many henchmen? I'm a level 72 ranger and he's only a level 8 paladin.

OBAMA: Well, if you'd bought the Grassroots Organizing and Oratory/Colgate Smile proficiencies you could min max it so that you...

MCCAIN: Why is he even IN this campaign? I thought this was supposed to be a high level party.

OBAMA: Well, maybe some people got tired of the grim and squinty "Matterhorn, son of Marathon" shtick you keep doing. Dude, could you be any less original?

MCCAIN: Oh my god, I did not leave my left nut in a tiger cage in the Tomb of Horrors to spend my Friday nights mopping up after the new kid.

OBAMA: "My friends, I am a totally unoriginal grizzled character class stereotype. I should lead the party because I have more testicular damage than that one."

My favorite was probably the one underneath...

RON PAUL: I brought my Planescape character!

OBAMA: Dude, we're playing Forgotten Realms.

RON PAUL: I rift in from Sigil! I'm a Chaotic Neutral Tiefling Barbarian/Monk/Rogue!

MCCAIN: DUDE, that is not even LEGAL.

Really, this whole visualization makes everything make sense.

GM: You guys, seriously, if you don't knock it off with the bickering I'm going to start docking XP.

MCCAIN: You know what? Fuck it. I'm suspending the campaign.

GM: You can't do that! Only I can suspend the campaign! I didn't suspend it for the 1988 Mountain Dew shortage and I'm not going to suspend it now.

Coins and exhaustion

2008-10-01T08:17:00.003-04:00

In other news, I still haven't finished my promised DNC post, expect it maybe...this weekend, maybe.

However, I did get the Installation Command Sergeant Major's coin for taking initiative on something. I wonder if he'll regret that after some time on the Google to find out that I'm an IVAW member?

The VFW post commander is tracking me down like a ninja. He called me out on the fact that I never came to a meeting, and got me to promise I'd be at the one next week. He also wants me to stop being a poor bastard and getting the yearly memberships when the lifetime membership is such a better deal. He did not buy that it was only a better deal if I planned on surviving the next twenty years.

End result of this: I think I'm getting a lifetime membership and hoping he will never use his fearsome mind powers for evil. But it sounds like a good post.

I would cheerfully trade this coin in for some real sleep, though.

Love it and never shut up.

2008-09-25T04:56:00.008-04:00

Yes, I realize my posting has been slim. Give it time, I'll come back. In the meantime, here's a counter to the "love it or leave it" crowd. It's a quote from Barbara Kingsolver's Jabberwocky.

Once upon a time, a passing stranger sent me into exile. I was downtown in front of the Federal Building with a small crowd assembled to protest war in the Persian Gulf; he was in a black Ford pickup. As the truck roared by he leaned most of his upper body out the window to give me a better view of his finger, and he screamed "Hey, bitch, love it or leave it!"
So I left.
[...]
As the time drew near, my feet balked. I dreaded leaving my kind new place [Spain] to return to [excerpted] ...The place I was told to love or leave.

I found I could do neither. Not wholeheartedly. But like the boy who fought the Jabberwock in Through the Looking Glass, I took my vorpal sword in hand. For the sake of the people who love me and the sight of the mountains that move my soul, I would come galumphing back, to face the tyranny of words without meaning and monsters beyond my kin.

I came back because leaving was selfish. A country can be flawed as a marriage or a family or a person is flawed, but "Love it or leave it" is a coward's slogan. There's more honor in "Love it and get it right." Love it, love it. Love it and never shut up.

The March at the DNC

2008-09-21T07:45:00.004-04:00

One of my favorite speeches, and very timely.

2008-09-15T08:29:00.003-04:00

It's a pity most people only know the last few words. And no, I don't interpret this as 'rush to unnecessary war' piece. This is 'fight when the fight is already come'. It's applicable to so many things going on right now. And it goes out to a friend of mine, who said,

"I'll join IVAW when I'm a little less under the Eye of Sauron."

Patrick Henry,
March 23, 1775.

No man thinks more highly than I do of the patriotism, as well as abilities, of the very worthy gentlemen who have just addressed the House. But different men often see the same subject in different lights; and, therefore, I hope it will not be thought disrespectful to those gentlemen if, entertaining as I do opinions of a character very opposite to theirs, I shall speak forth my sentiments freely and without reserve. This is no time for ceremony. The question before the House is one of awful moment to this country. For my own part, I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or slavery; and in proportion to the magnitude of the subject ought to be the freedom of the debate. It is only in this way that we can hope to arrive at truth, and fulfill the great responsibility which we hold to God and our country. Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of treason towards my country, and of an act of disloyalty toward the Majesty of Heaven, which I revere above all earthly kings.

Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it.

I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past. And judging by the past, I wish to know what there has been in the conduct of the British ministry for the last ten years to justify those hopes with which gentlemen have been pleased to solace themselves and the House. Is it that insidious smile with which our petition has been lately received? Trust it not, sir; it will prove a snare to your feet. Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss. Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our petition comports with those warlike preparations which cover our waters and darken our land. Are fleets and armies necessary to a work of love and reconciliation? Have we shown ourselves so unwilling to be reconciled that force must be called in to win back our love? Let us not deceive ourselves, sir. These are the implements of war and subjugation; the last arguments to which kings resort. I ask gentlemen, sir, what means this martial array, if its purpose be not to force us to submission? Can gentlemen assign any other possible motive for it? Has Great Britain any enemy, in this quarter of the world, to call for all this accumulation of navies and armies? No, sir, she has none. They are meant for us: they can be meant for no other. They are sent over to bind and rivet upon us those chains which the British ministry have been so long forging. And what have we to oppose to them? Shall we try argument? Sir, we have been trying that for the last ten years. Have we anything new to offer upon the subject? Nothing. We have held the subject up in every light of which it is capable; but it has been all in vain. Shall we resort to entreaty and humble supplication? What terms shall we find which have not been already exhausted? Let us not, I beseech you, sir, deceive ourselves. Sir, we have done everything that could be done to avert the storm which is now coming on. We have petitioned; we have remonstrated; we have supplicated; we have prostrated ourselves before the throne, and have implored its interposition to arrest the tyrannical hands of the ministry and Parliament. Our petitions have been slighted; our remonstrances have produced additional violence and insult; our supplications have been disregarded; and we have been spurned, with contempt, from the foot of the throne! In vain, after these things, may we indulge the fond hope of peace and reconciliation. There is no longer any room for hope. If we wish to be free-- if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending--if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained--we must fight! I repeat it, sir, we must fight! An appeal to arms and to the God of hosts is all that is left us!

They tell us, sir, that we are weak; unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when shall we be stronger? Will it be the next week, or the next year? Will it be when we are totally disarmed, and when a British guard shall be stationed in every house? Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot? Sir, we are not weak if we make a proper use of those means which the God of nature hath placed in our power. The millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Besides, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us. The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave. Besides, sir, we have no election. If we were base enough to desire it, it is now too late to retire from the contest. There is no retreat but in submission and slavery! Our chains are forged! Their clanking may be heard on the plains of Boston! The war is inevitable--and let it come! I repeat it, sir, let it come.

It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace-- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!

Pause

2008-09-06T00:00:00.001-04:00

Blogposting is suspended/highly sporadic until the PTSD improves.

My apologies.

Operation First Casualty

2008-08-29T07:05:00.002-04:00

Alright. It's been three days since I last posted, which normally wouldn't be that big a deal, but I regret it now, because so much has happened in those three days that I'm going to have to separate the posts.

I'll start with Operation First Casualty. As most readers of this blog know, as someone on active duty, I try to steer clear of using the uniform in IVAW events unless I think the line is really fuzzy, such as training or such. I'm told that street theatre actually is permissable, and that there is a Supreme Court case about it, but I haven't seen it yet, and so I was not one of the squad members. However, I have to say that as police liason and announcer, I did equally as much, if not more, running around, with the amount of police on the streets of Denver. I will also note that there is no rule or reg against doing that, any more, as my friend Sholom says, than there is a reg against standing around while on leave in civilian clothes shouting "That is my buddy Joe! He is drinking coffee right now!"

As a guide for others wishing to do similar actions, I will note that we coordinated with the police in advance and took actions to minimize disruptions to the streets, cooperating when they made requests of us. I'd like to thank Lieutenant Vince Porter of the Denver PD at this time, who was their liason with Iraq Veterans Against the War for Wednesday. Hopefully none of you will be jerks about it, but the good lieutenant was amazing. A Marine veteran, he had respect for our service and professionalism, and helped us negotiate with other police when possible. It was utterly necessary, as there were so many individual squads of police officers that without his previous communication, would probably have been quite concerned. At the end of the day, we shook hands with each group happy, and some police even pulled out their personal cameras to take pictures with the vets. I also felt honored by their trust-I know that had they felt we were "violent protesters" they would not have allowed us to get as physically close as many of them did, and several of the officers were laughing and joking with us along the route. Apparently the Denver Police Department is highly veteran-friendly and there are many veterans, especially Iraq veterans in their ranks.

As police liason, I was far enough ahead of the OFC squads that I was able to get a very good visual of the events, and I wish I had taken my camera. I'm disappointed to announce that just like every other IVAW event to date, I've been so busy that I haven't been able to take pictures. But the visuals were stunning, as you can see by the videos others took.

Rather than just engaging with the pre-identified supporters/civilians, they also kept situational awareness of potential high-risk environment (multi-story parking garage, open windows high up, etc). Realism was also kept in regards to internal dialogue. Having multiple squads also allowed them to cover each side of a street-a street, I must say, that they never stepped into except to cross. The only disruption to traffic were the occasional police cars who parked by us. In high-traffic areas, a few officers also even helped us out by directing traffic to stop so that our people could cross safely. They also helped us clear out a section in front of the convention center so that we wouldn't disrupt the vendors and could still have a good space to handle the civilian crowd. We got a fairly good response from passer-by as well.
, including, among others, Kucinich.

It ended well in front of the veterans' memorial, where we held a press conference and then proceeded to fall out onto the grass for chow. Once again, logistics were excellent, and the food was delicious. Also, water was always plentiful and in good resupply-we had no fallouts, despite the hot sun. The only injury, in fact, was me-I had dressed professionally in order to deal with the police, and had underestimated the amount of running I would need to be doing. I was duly (and justly) mocked by my fellow vets for the choice of high heels when the extent of my blistering became known. However, one of our medics (by former military profession and volunteering with the aid bag for the day) soon set me right.

Denver PD Supports Military By Committing to Arrest 2LTs With Maps

2008-08-24T13:24:00.007-04:00

That's right, folks...like many other committed veterans and IVAW members, I am now on the ground in the rough area of the DNC. I am officially on leave, and am doing my best to fulfill my NCOIC's direct order not to get arrested. However, it looks like that's going to be a little harder than I thought. While I can't help but agree that second lieutenants with maps are the most dangerous things out there, the Denver PD's decision that anyone with maps could be a dangerous and violent protester has me scratching my head a little bit.

Among the other things that police are being told to watch out for are:

Handheld FRS radios-frequently, of all things, used for communications!
Maps-used to plan.
Bicycles. They can apparently be used to blockade sidewalks

Chemicals-no description of type or quantity.

Camping information.

Keep it up, Denver PD! I'm sure in a city the size of Denver, there's no actual crime out there. Better keep arresting people for having bricks laying around in their yard. It's not like the jails are full enough, after all.

...but no love from NY.

2008-08-21T16:44:00.002-04:00

Background story:

My car's been parked in New York while I've been overseas. Former governor Pataki signed an executive order directing the DMV to make nice with military and vehicle registrations and the like. The DMV, rather than sort out the differences between active duty military and activated reservists, gave benefits to all military personnel who are not permanently stationed in New York. You don't have to get your car re-inspected in New York, or re-registered until you return permanently or PCS to NY, and then you have 60 days afterwards to do it.

This means I should not have gotten tickets.

I just got a box of mail, however, and in it we have the following tickets:

6/9/08-Registration sticker expired-$65 N. Snyder
6/9/08-Insurance sticker expired- $65 N. Snyder
8/13/08- Registration sticker expired-$65 S. Sinnathamby
8/13/08- Insurance sticker expired-$65 S.Sinnathamby
3/27/08-Registration sticker expired-$65 M.Ahammed
3/27/08-Insurance sticker expired-$65 M. Ahammed
4/04/08-Registration sticker expired-$65 A. Syed
4/04/08-Ins sticker expired-$65 A Syed
4/03/08-Insurance sticker expired-$65 S. Squires
4/03/08-Registration sticker expired-$65 S. Squires
6/02/08-Ins. sticker expired-$65 N. Snyder
6/02/08-Reg. sticker expired-$65 N. Snyder
4/05/08-Reg sticker expired-$65 N. Reid

The state of New York apparently thinks I owe them $845 dollars. That's because the state of New York (and all the enforcers who've been walking by and ignoring the gigantic signs my mother made saying "my daughter is overseas and this car hasn't moved for months) are apparently smoking crack.

Sons of whores.

This is the hard thing. Yeah, you get a lot of perk benefits in the military, but try convincing people of them. For those of you who say "why not just get the car re-registered", the New York DMV refuses to acknowledge military addresses (APO AE) as valid. I called and asked. They said it's not a real address. After incoherent shouting, I decided it was not good for my blood pressure to continue the discussion.

However, since I'm not planning on driving here, I think I'll just hold my German and international driver's licenses close until I can get all this sorted out.

Military Flights, and how I Love Them. No, Really.

2008-08-20T18:52:00.002-04:00

I really like to provide these bursts of positivity every now and again, if only to counter those of our critics who say we are relentlessly negative. There are a lot of things I enjoy about the United States Army. Sure, a lot of them have started disappearing since the war, but there are some great points.

After taking a C-17 in to start my joyous and wonderful leave (cue celebrations: I am, however, not likely coming to DC, so no beers for anyone) I was motivated to post just how much it f-ing rocked. So here goes.

First let me thank all the excellent airmen who operated the flight. I'd name them, but with my luck some of the nutballs out there will start harassing them because they didn't shoot me on sight. They put us up and put us down far easier than any commercial flight ever has, and shaved about three hours off the time a commercial flight would have taken as well.

I know that most people may not think that sitting with the cargo is awesome, but I think that's because most people haven't done it. It is always such a relief to get on a plane where you actually have leg room, and most importantly of all-once the plane is at cruise altitude, you can actually get up and stay up. Commercial flights are packed so tight there's no room even if you wanted to stay up, but if you do hang around by the stewardess area, it's highly discouraged anyway. Military flights? Plenty of room to sack out, and they really don't care if you do. In fact, it's expected. Everyone, including myself, had something prepared to rack out with, and one smart cookie scored the top of a packing crate in advance by placing his gear there. Not that I was uncomfortable-like the rest, I got down on the floor and curled up and straight slept for several hours. Yes, it's loud, yes, it's cold, but somehow, the whole setting combined to make me feel perfect. I have trouble sleeping, often, especially if strangers are around. But there's something different about being around fellow military, most just back from being deployed, at least half in uniform. I can't sleep well with one stranger in the room, but give me forty soldiers and I sleep like a log. I think it's because I trust my fellow soldiers like I never would trust civilians, and that with so many of them around, nothing really bad could ever happen.

Upon getting to my destination, though, I was confronted by what one woman referred to as "the homeless shelter" and another "tent city". Apparently there have been problems getting flights out to Ramstein for all these dependents with kids. I think because they're such large families in general, and also the school year is ending, so it's prime crowd time. However-another shocker to those of you expecting me to lay blame-it's no one's fault, and the folks at this base are doing the best they can to accomodate them. The women and kids are holding up like champs, too, and their cooperation and coordination are both refreshing and heartening. Immediately upon arrival, they offered all of their expertise to anyone who might be staying, God bless them! No one could blame them if they were sour, but they've been fairly cheerful, acknowledging that MAC flights are a risk and they knew what they were getting into. Just like I had to wait a bit myself to hit my flight, but once I caught it, you can' beat either the comfort or the price.

Anyway, I'm here, the flight was great, life is and continues to be golden, and leave is fabulous.

Hope you all are having as decent a day as I am. Several of you, I owe beers, and you know where to collect!

Slacking

2008-08-20T02:59:00.002-04:00

Has it really been nearly a month since my last post? That's just shameful. Or it would be, rather, if I hadn't been busy up to my ears.

My posting over here has managed to accomplish one thing-slowing me down a touch. I can't attend /every/ stop on the base tour, just two of them. However, when I felt twinges of guilt or longing to be there helping out, I had Kris Goldsmith's dispatches to remind me that it's not all roses on the GI Outreach rail. (Scratched corneas and fire ants, oh my!)

I did have our own GI Outreach events here as well, though. No GI Rights or VA benefits workshop, but we did have an IVAW barbecue in front of my house, on post. The IVAW label came off when the beer pong came out, but still, a good time was had by all. Also a good hangover. I was effectively useless the next day, but it was definitely worth it.

Casey Porter has another film up from Iraq, he's titled it Deconstructed, and I expect to see a new film from him any day now.

I guess the cat is now out of the bag against the Rage against the Machine concert in Denver for us. For those of you who are non-veteran and non-military, I hear there will be some sort of lottery going on.

I myself am officially on leave, and come prepared with this warning from my higher-ups (or at least one) "Don't get arrested". This individual is to be commended. They know where I'm going, what I'm going to do, and even though they think I'm sticking my neck way further out than it needs to be stuck, they just want me to mitigate damgage. I told them not to worry, though-I have no plans to be arrested. I do everything the legal way-and the fact that there is so much legal wiggle room is a testament to the framers of our Constitution and the men and women who have sacrificed to protect it since.

I've taken on even more IVAW responsibility. Along those lines, though on a casual note, any milbloggers in the Denver area or travelling around there who would like to cover the OFC action or other IVAW points, please let me know. Fellow IVAW members with blogs...hopefully I'll "See you there".

Internet access will be somewhat sketchy, but my 215 number will still work.

AS out.

Formal IVAW Counseling

2008-07-24T16:08:00.003-04:00

This isn't about my leadership. This is about a friend's leadership-and if he wants me to, I'll edit this to add his name.

My friend is a servicemember. He is also an IVAW member. This is legally well within his rights.

This counseling was given directly by Colonel Gary A. Reese, 67th Troop Command.

For further identification, in case there was any question, the one who felt it necessary to formally counsel my friend and fellow NCO personally about his IVAW participation.

I have reproduced his counseling here, with commentary.

Purpose of Counseling:
1. To summarize the results of an AR 15-6 investigation conducted to determine whether SGT [IVAW Member] violated Multi-National Force-Iraq Policy, DoD regulation, or the Iowa Code of Military Justice by participating in a presentation for Iraq Veterans Against the War (IVAW) and whether SGT [Member] violated DoD regulation by engaging in IVAW activities while in military status or on Iowa National Guard property.
2. To counsel and advise SGT [IVAW Member] on acceptable Soldier and Noncommissioned Officer Behavior.

I love how all of these investigations go contrary to every other investigtion held in the Army, and don't ever bother to actually talk to us, those who have been suspected of 'crimes'. I wonder if perhaps they're afraid to talk to us and hear in our own words why we are opposed to this war, and how we can still keep the faith while doing so? Also, since when do officers counsel NCOs on proper NCO behavior? This is wrong, wrong, wrong, from start to finish.

Key Points:

1. Summary of the 15-6 investigation:

a) SGT [IVAW Member] is an active member of the IVAW; his membership does not violate any statute, regulation, or directive; his participation to date does not violate any statute, regulation or directive.

Mighty nice of him to admit that. It must have been a bitter pill to swallow.

b) Without a doubt, SGT [IVAW] used what appears to be a picture of a detainee in an IVAW presentation. Taking pictures inside a detention facility is a violation of unit policy and directives. Their (yes, that's his spelling)
is no proof that SGT [IVAW] took the picture of the detainee used in the IVAW presentation. No determination has been made in regards to any statute SGT [IVAW] may have violated by using that detainee photo.

Wow. You know, it's good to know that after Winter Soldier, the Army is finally investigating-the people who brought the issues to its attention. To date, multiple IVAW members have been investigated (no charges) for their actions. To date, we are not aware of any soldiers who actually committed the crimes and problems who have been investigated. Good to know where the Army's priorities are.

c) SGT [IVAW Member] did make inferences of incompetence and accusingly focused the blame for the deaths of 2 detainees towards those in his wartime chain of command, at least twice in his presentation. Comments directed towards CPT Hegae (sp?) and SFC McArnor were not direct accusations of military law or Law of Land Warfare violations, but inferred both Soldiers were incompetent, out of touch, without compassion, and contributing to the deaths of the 2 detainees-these comments could result in civil action against SGT [IVAW]. Additionally, the comments SGT [IVAW] directed against an officer and senior NCO are very close to the threshhold of violating Chapter 29.88 of the Iowa Code of Military Justice: Insubordination towards warrant officer, NCO or PO "Treats with contempt or is disrespectful in language or deportment towards a warrant officer, non-commissioned officer, or petty officer while that officer is in the execution of his office shall be punished as a court-martial shall direct."

Inferences of incompetence, being out of touch, and without compassion. First of all, I'll note that he doesn't address the matter of whether the inferences were true. Secondly, being "out of touch and without compassion" is not, as far as I know, disrespectful. If my first sergeant is a hard son of a bitch and I say so, am I going to be up for disrespect? No, he'd probably laugh and revel in the title. And is the good sergeant supposed to just ignore incompetence he sees? I love all the "close" and "could" language. It's essentially: You haven't done anything wrong, but you almost could have! People could hold it against you! They're not, but they could!

d. SGT [IVAW] did not violate statute, regulation, or directive by engaging in IVAW activities while in a military status or on Iowa National Guard property.

Mighty generous of you.

2. Additional discussion:

a) It is a violation of set policy and directives to take pictures of detainees-violators will be prosecuted.

Good to know it's only against policy to take pictures. Not to abuse them-just the pictures are against policy.

b) SGT [IVAW] is placing himself at personal risk for civil actions from CPT Hogan and SFC McArter, I highly suggest that he refrain from the accusatory comments he continues to direct towards them. Future acts of insubordination will not be tolerated and will be punished by disciplinary action.

He's so kind, looking out for the good sergeant's welfare. Pure benevolence, I'm sure. Note that he doesn't say how or why implying these individuals are incomptetent, out of touch, and lacking in compassion is somehow insubordinate behavior. Well, [IVAW], you've been warned!

c) Active membership in IVAW is not an ethics violation, conducting IVAW business on duty is an ethics violation.

So remember, [IVAW], schedule all your interviews and panels after COB. Also, anyone else note that he hasn't put down on paper any counseling on Soldier and Noncommissioned Officer behavior?

Plan of Action:

1. SGT [IVAW] must refrain from insubordination, future acts of insubordination will result in disciplinary action.

He hasn't committed it yet. As the Colonel himself admitted.

2. SGT [IVAW] will need to consider the incompatibilities that exist between the Army and IVAW, to mitigate dilemmas, he may need to choose one over the other.

Nice try. I have every faith that he's considered, realized there aren't any, and is perfectly capable of maintaining a good, healthy balance.

3. SGT [IVAW] needs mentorship on Army Values and the role of the NCO- CSM Breitsprecker will provide this.

Actually, I don't think he does-but if he does need mentorship on Army Values, I'm happy to help my buddy out. To this end, I have rewritten my piece on Army Values. Perhaps I should send it to the colonel, to ease his mind. At least he does recognize that the role of an NCO is NCO business. Belatedly.

SGT [IVAW]'s response:

I disagree to the extent that truth is an absolute defense to any claims of slander and thus I do not feel I am at risk of losing a slander suit. Also, since all comments were made out of uniform and not in the presence of the individuals criticized it was not treating them with contempt or disrespectful language + thus was not insubordination.

The tattoo, and the rhyme which created it.

2008-07-23T15:17:00.008-04:00

How many miles to Babylon?

Three score and ten

Can we get there by candlelight?

Yes, and back again.

Your Questions Answered

2008-07-21T14:37:00.002-04:00

For a light treat and relaxation break for me, I'm choosing my next post to be answering the questions of some of the google searches that lead individuals here. Some serious, some silly, I will answer as many as I can until I get tired of it.

Can active duty personnel grow beards on leave?

Why yes, yes they can, and frequently do just to shock everyone. Congratulations, gentlemen, it works. Now please shave that facial...not facial..hair.

Why is it important to show up in the correct uniform for duty?

Well, hopefully my earlier post on the uniform regulations applying to protesting helped you. However, it is important to show up in the correct uniform because it's one of the easiest things to do in the Army. It's even easier than showing up at the correct time, because your clothes are already picked out for you, like your mother did when you were five. If you show yourself to be incapable of wearing the clothing already picked out for you, it is like wearing a big red sign saying "I Am Your Friendly Platoon Idiot". Unless more than three people are all also wearing the wrong uniform, in which case it's a communications issue.

Do women serve in active battle in military?

Well, the short answer is 'yes'. Women are not supposed to be assigned to combat MOSes, but in a world without real "front lines", yes, women are often in active battle and active combat zones, whether for better or worse.

Can you sell DoD Sapi plates?

I have no idea what led you to my blog, guy, but you sound intensely dishonest. Give your stuff back to the nice government so someone else can have some equipment, dude.

What did the patriot soldiers eat?

Whatever they could get, most likely.

Army Censors CPT G

2008-07-12T04:40:00.002-04:00

Thankfully, I've put a disclaimer on this blog, so I can sound off with just what I feel about this. Please insert the sound of someone cursing incoherently for about two minutes, as I don't want to foul up my blog with it, but that is exactly what I'm thinking right now.

For those of you who weren't aware, there was a cav officer, pseudonym LT G. He was a great officer and a great blogger, over at Kaboom: A Soldier's War Journal. He followed OPSEC rules, and didn't post about missions. When he was offered the position of Company XO, however, he turned it down.

His superiors didn't take it so kindly, and when he posted about it, he was ordered to delete his entire blog-going back years-and to cease posting at all.

In honor of CPT G, the post that caused all the commotion has been reproduced here in full.

I’d brushed aside the informal inquiries for months now. No, not me. Not interested. Keep me on the line. I want nothing to do with a lateral promotion to XO (Executive Officer) that involves becoming a logistical whipping boy and terminal scapegoat for all things NOTGOODENOUGH. I’ve been out here in the wilds too long, dealing with matters of life and death, to go back to Little America for PowerPoint pissing matches. Not me. I’m that too skinny, crazy-eyed mustang who drives a hippie van with a McGovern bumper sticker and keeps his hair long and actually read the counterinsurgency manual rather than pretending he did, even quoting it during meetings and out in sector in this era of recentralized warfare, remember? You aren't gonna break me, no matter how enticing the fires of the FOB are.

Semper Gumby.

I guess they forgot, and instead focused on matters of competency. Cue outright offer.

Cue LT G “thanks but no thanks” response.

Cue illogical backlash from higher, acting like a spurned teenage blonde whose dreamboat crush tells her point-blank that he prefers brunettes.

Q finding myself on the literal and metaphorical carpet of multiple field-grades, sometimes explaining, sometimes listening.

Mostly listening.

Yes, Sir. I’m getting out. No, I’m sure. Definitely sure. Surer than sure. What am I going to do? Don’t tell him Option A, he’ll scoff at Option A. He believes dreams are only for children. Option B will suffice. Well Sir, I’m going to go back to school, somewhere on the East Coast. Haven’t decided if I’ll focus on the Spanish Civil War or Irish History yet, though. I think I’d be a pretty good wacky professor. I already like to ramble and I look good in banana yellow clip-on ties. Sir.

No, Sir. I’m not saying that at all. I would absolutely bust my ass as an XO, and perform the job to the best of my ability. I’m just saying I’d be screwing a peer of mine, who is staying in, and could use this professional development, benefiting both him and the big Army in the long run. Uncle Sam agrees with me.

No Sir, I don’t think I’m selling myself short. Recognizing one’s own weaknesses isn’t a weakness in and of itself. Crushing balls is only my thing with people who aren’t wearing an American uniform.

If I throw enough clutter in the way, something will stick.

This is the Army, son. Your opinion doesn't matter.

Roger. Acknowledged. I figured I'd proffer it, just in case.

You need to start thinking big picture, Lieutenant. That’s what officers do.

I roll out of the wire everyday to bask in a third-world cesspool craving my attention for nothing more than the most basic human need -- hope. Is there a bigger picture than that, or just different vantage points from safer distances?

Yes Sir, I will remember to think things out more rationally next time. (Pause long enough to make the point that this was already a well-thought out decision.) Of course. Sir.

No Sir, this isn’t just because I want to stay with my platoon. (Maintain eye contact so he doesn’t think you’re lying, for the love of God, maintain eye contact!) I won’t lie though, Sir -- it was a factor. Just not my motivation.

Nice work, liar.

Another reason? Well, Sir, two of my best friends in the world are LT Virginia Slim and LT Demolition. If I were to become their XO, I would be extremely uncomfortable with possibly having to order them and their men to their deaths. As their peer, I should be right there next to them. Hell, I probably would insist on it.

Yes, I know that was a good point. Don’t say that out loud. Don’t say that out loud. Phew. That was a close one. I almost out-louded rather than in-loaded.

Yes Sir, I have full confidence in my platoon to be able to succeed without me. SFC Big Country would be more than capable of performing the job of a platoon leader. But he’s an NCO. He shouldn’t have to deal with lieutenant bullshit. That’s my bullshit to deal with. I’m the soldier’s buffer. (Cough. From you. Cough.) If a butterbar were here, I’d understand. That’s the natural order of things. But since an opening occurred without a backlog, I really strongly really definitely really definitively believe that it should go to a LT who wants it. Hell, there are some of them out there who NEED it. Aren’t I being a team player here?

The ballad of a thin man walking a thin rope. Moonwalking a thinly-veiled rejection of his superiors’ life decisions. Wondering why they are taking it personally. People are different. They want different things out of existence. Let’s not act like I’m a ring of Saturn stating the case that Pluto’s planethood should be reconfirmed.

Don’t fall on your sword, Lieutenant. No one likes a martyr.

Can’t help it, I’m Irish. And. Yes. They do.

Fine, I’m not going to make you do it. (Even though I spent three days trying to do so.) But you are now on my shit-list, and I want to fuck you over for daring to defy and defying to dare. A bullshit tasking will eventually come down the pipeline, and I got a rubber stamp with your name on it. And yes, I know your performance has been outstanding, and we have consistently rated you above your peers, at the top echelon. Doesn’t matter now.

You’re right. It doesn’t. Doesn’t matter at all. Even if I’ve only haggled a few more months with the Gravediggers, it was worth it; I came here to fight a war, not to build a resume. My men need me. And. I need them. It would have been worth it for a few more days.

Victory.

Mustangs don’t blink.

You know where we learned how not to?

It wasn’t behind a desk.

Every day of free-roaming makes it worth it.

Don't worry, folks. Somewhere, there's an archive of all formerly-LT-G's postings. I'm not posting the link, but you can email me for it. I don't want the Army to shut that down, too. His writings are truly a marvel. Also, his fiance is now blogging from his old spot.

But I really hate this. CPT G wasn't IVAW. He wasn't even aggressively political. He wasn't even really against the war, other than some things about how it played out. They didn't censor him for some great plan. They censored him for petty, petty reasons-that they were upset that they looked like the petulant children they truly were.

My props to you, CPT G, and all the best. I understand that you are the type who will follow that order, no matter how BS it is. Hopefully they will soon see the error of their ways.

For the rest of you: keep blogging!

Education! F&*% Yeah!

2008-07-12T03:36:00.003-04:00

I know it's a little late. We've had awesome educational benefits for almost a full week, and no post! I'd love to tell you that I was drinking away the celebratory time, but truth be told, I was just busy doing work. And promoting this exciting opportunity.

The Webb GI Bill, that thing everyone said would never make it, has been passed.

What does that mean? That means that even soldiers with families, who were trying to figure out how they could go to school and still have a place to live without getting a full-time job, can afford to better themselves and move up in the world.

This bill means a lot to me. I first found out about this bill before I was an IVAW member, when I was first having the stirrings of political thought as a member o the Armed Forces. I had worked for a Senator's campaign, in a private capacity, and gone to the parties afterwards. I even got into Clinton's bash by the expedient of standing at the door and asking the aide if Senator Clinton didn't have any space at her party for a soldier from New York recently returned from overseas. (Yes, I'm a bastard).
But after that, while in the area, I decided to visit all the Senators I could and talk to them about what was important to me-the paucity of the Montgomery GI Bill.

I have to say that the staffers were very polite to me. I made it past the greeters each and every time. I even met and shook hands with McCain, believing at the time that he was a principled veteran who would stand up for our rights. Then I got the word from one senator's office that they and Senator Webb were cooking up something that would "make me very happy". I headed on over to see Webb, who was taking his congratulations in an incredibly pressed room. I shook his hand as well, talked a bit about my military service, and asked what he had going on. The man said it'd be out in a few weeks, and to get with his staffer and she would call me.

Lo and behold, I got a nice call when the plan got unveiled. And I was excited. At last somebody had put together a GI Bill with teeth. But I was also mystified-why weren't more senators signing onto it? Why was everyone talking about it like a pipe dream?

For nearly two years, this battle was fought. For quite some time everyone dismissed it, and it was said it would never happen.

Then the veterans got involved.

IAVA, and VFW, and AUSA, and IVAW, and VoteVets, and pretty much every veteran's organization out there got involved and started rallying their people to get involved. I made calls and visits. Others made calls and visits, and sent letters. For those who say that soldiers and veterans don't have political opinions, it is important to remember that it is servicemembers and veterans who helped turn the tide and get this bill made into law.

Your opinions, your thoughts, your feelings, ARE important. And you need to flex those long-unused muscles. Don't just stop there-let your voice be heard in other matters. There are still veteran's issues that need help. We still have veterans being foisted off with shoddy healthcare. We still have not enough review for PTSD cases. We still have atrocious medical care even for servicemembers.

Let's work, people. Let's work, and let's take initiative, and let's bring about the world we want to see.

The passing of the Webb GI Bill is proof that we can do it.

Independence Day

2008-07-05T02:34:00.001-04:00

"Gentlemen cry peace, peace, but there is no peace, the war is already begun!" -Patrick Henry, 1775

July Fourth is here. I know that to a lot of people, Americans, all it means is fireworks in a night sky, barbecues and roasting meat, hot summer days and cool beers. For too many people it's just a holiday, an extra day off from work where they get to wear red, white, and blue. If they are feeling particularly patriotic, they may whisper to their children, "This is the day America became free."

I don't wear red, white and blue, and I don't wave paper flags. Sometimes I don't even have a celebration. The Founding Fathers certainly had no celebration, tucked away as they were, rebelling from a distance, the certain underdog against England's might. No, how I choose to commemorate July Fourth is by recommitting myself to living by the ideals which were blazed that day.

I think of a handful of men, who gathered together despite a repressive occupation, who joined their "lives, fortunes, and sacred honor" to combat injustice. Men who decided that it was intolerable to accept abuses without standing up against them.

Men who dared.

Men who lost everything, in many cases up to and including their lives, that a nation might be born which would live for a thousand years in freedom and justice.

I think back to those bold men, whose deeds blazed across the sky. I think of how I can possibly live up to what they asked of themselves, to what they asked to those who might follow in their footsteps. To the dreams they held and battled the darkness for.

And I remember what I am.

I am an active duty soldier, who sees a duty to the country I love, the country birthed so many years ago to be a just and righteous nation, where each and every citizen would have the right to petition for redress of grievances, and to print whatever they pleased about their government. I see a duty to all those who have died for these ideals - everyone whose red blood was shed to give our flag its color, who dreamed that generation after generation, patriots would always stand ready to answer America's call.

What a low, shivering thing would I be, if I saw the truth, that America is wasting its soldiers, breaking its military, and destroying its economy, all in the name of the interests of a few, and I did not stand up! If I did not stand up for fear, or a wish to preserve my comfort. If I did not stand up for fear of reprisal, or imprisonment-how those Founding Fathers would be ashamed!

I would like to think that if they saw me here, now, along with the ranks of the rest of our active duty soldiers who are standing up against this injustice, they would be proud. Would be proud of the spirit that still stands strong in America. Why stand the rest of you silent? The war is already begun! Not just the war in Iraq, but the war here at home, to wake a complacent citizenry to action! The time for sitting at home and thinking hopeful thoughts is over! This July Fourth, and every day until the troops are home and treated like the country which has used the best and brightest in them owes, I swear to act!

Join with me. Join with us. We, the active duty IVAW members, and even those who are against the war but do not yet know they can be with us, are waiting.

--
Sergeant Selena Coppa
35S, USA

"In accordance with AR 360-1, the opinions expressed in this statement are those of the individual and do not reflect the official positions or policies of the Department of Defense, the United States Army, or the United States Government."

Cake or Death? (Bread or Destruction?)

2008-06-14T06:53:00.003-04:00

Some of you may have been reading the military newspapers, and seen that the Army is in a really bad fix. We've had to borrow money from the Navy and Air Force just to get paid for June 15. Even that borrowed money will only keep the payrolls running until the end of July. Currently, military leadership is trying to pass this off as Congress's fault: that unless Congress approves the supplemental funding bill, soldiers won't get paid starting August 1.

This is nothing more or better than a dodge to shift blame off of their own shoulders.

The supplemental funding bill is for just that-supplementals. It's not for payroll. It's to keep the things which are not usual to the defense budget (such as, for example, the Iraq occupation) moving. Taking money out of soldier's pockets in the confidence that somehow things will get better and more money can come is terrible planning and budgeting, and terrible thinking. It reminds me of the people everyone always complains about, who give themselves luxuries at the expense of their family and children, who have gold necklaces but can't pay for food. This is what the Army is right now. The Army is a guy with spinning rims on his car and living in an apartment with no water or electricity at the moment. And it is not Congress's fault. It's our own fault.

If soldiers are unable to pay their bills because the Army isn't paying them, I'm not really sure that having a few new things built in Iraq is not going to help their children sleep easier at night. And I know that the Army blackmailing Congress because they can't balance their own checkbook isn't going to make me happier.

I was looking at some figures, and I see we're overbudget in a lot of ways. In many ways, the Army has spent money it doesn't have. If only there were some rule! If only there were some law against spending money you don't have!

Oh, wait.

Article 123a—Making, drawing, or uttering check, draft, or order without sufficient funds

“Any person subject to this chapter who ... makes, draws, utters, or delivers any check, draft, or order for the payment of money upon any bank or other depository, knowing at the time that the maker or drawer has not or will not have sufficient funds in, or credit with, the bank or other depository for the payment of that check, draft, or order in full upon its presentment, shall be punished as a court-martial may direct."

Of course, there's also Article 134—(Check, worthless, making and uttering—by dishonorably failing to maintain funds)

And that's the thing that ticks me off. I maintain a security clearance. If I deliberately took money out of an account, counting on more money coming in, but having no guarantee, I would get in trouble. I might get Articled. I might lose my clearance. If I spent money like a drunken sailor with no expectation of more, I would get in severe trouble with the military.

Isn't higher leadership supposed to be SETTING the example?

IVAW Tattoo Discount, GI Bill Rant

2008-06-01T08:46:00.001-04:00

By way of Adam Kokesh,

20 percent off tattoos....might have been nice to know before I got my very expensive tattoo. Still, for other IVAW members out there, and those that would like to become IVAW members, good to know!

Now, on to the GI Bill. I've another video that I found says a lot of it better than I can.

Here's the thing. Yes, many soldiers were attracted by the idea of going to college. Going to as good a college as their brains could bring them to. The notion of not having to pay for school, their service being their payment.

They didn't read the fine print. They weren't supposed to read the fine print. They were never supposed to know how terrible the GI bill is.

Look. Let's be honest with each other and with the country. The Army money won't pay for a good school. While you're in, or while you're out, it simply won't do it. The Army assumes that its people don't need decent schooling. We can be shoved off with community college money, that is actually below what decent financial aid would cover. No matter how brilliant you are, the Army simply wont' pay for your schooling.

And this hurts the Army as well as its soldiers.

If the Army would pay for me to go to a decent law school? I'd honestly probably be willing to go back as a JAG officer. I've been tempted. But they won't pay for a decent school-just the kind of crummy school I could pay for on my own. The GI Bill currently doesn't pay for living expenses either, so you still need a full-time job to pay your rent. And again-find me a college that accepts tuition on a month-by-month basis. Please.

Jim Webb's bill proposes something radical-that soldiers deserve to go to the best public college in the state. It doesn't go as radical as I'd like. To be honest, I think a great GI Bill would be one that paid for whatever school the soldier could manage to get into, paying the money directly to the school. If I can get into Harvard or Yale or Columbia? Let the Army pay for the college I can achieve, rather than the college they feel I deserve. They've certainly used my brains to the utmost during my time of service, I know they know they're there.

But it's the best bill on the table right now.

And if it "hurts retention" because soldiers leave to actually go to school, what does that say about the current GI Bill, and what an illusory promise that is?

Prayer/Good Wishes/Letters Request

2008-05-31T21:07:00.002-04:00

As some of you have already heard, IVAW member Tomas Young slipped into a coma recently when a blood clot went from his lungs to his brain. For those of you who are not aware, Tomas Young is a severely wounded servicemember and the focus of the documentary "Body of War".

I would hope that everyone reading this, whether for the war or against it, can send at the very least their prayers and good wishes for this veteran who was wounded in America's service while he undergoes further testing.

For those of you who wish to send something more tangible, letters can be sent to:

Tomas Young - patient
Saint Luke's Hospital
4401 Wornall
Kansas City, MO 64111

I would ask that if you disapprove of an IVAW member and want to send something nasty, please send all your nasty letters to me instead-I'll even give you the CMR if you like. Tomas is in a hospital and I would ask that please only the positive items be sent. I shouldn't have to ask this, but please be decent human beings, everyone.

IVAW Winter Soldier on the Hill-Jason Lemieux

2008-05-30T14:07:00.004-04:00

Alright. This was going to be one long post profiling everyone who testified, but it kept being put off more and more, and I realized over a mouthful of alcoholic ice cream (yes, Bailey's mit eis is zehrgut) that it wasn't going to get done at all, if I didn't get cracking on it in a little bit different way than I've done before.

So, here's starting off with Jason Lemieux. Everybody's favorite marine, he's the kind of guy I would kill to have in my squad if he would only sign back up with the Army. He's smart, disciplined, and honorable. Unfortunately, a little too honorable for the unit he was deployed with. Three deployments, folks. And for those of you bloggers keeping track, he states his unit very clearly at the very beginning of his speech.

One thing that's hard about what Jason talks about is that a lot of it is stuff that isn't really either black or white.

Like, for example. The chain of command promising to "take care of" Marines caught in wrongdoing. There are two things both tied together there-one good, one bad. I don't know about Marines, but I know that Army NCOs, at least, want to take care of their soldiers. And sometimes minor rules get broken. They always do. Everyone in the Army has broken or ignored at least one minor rule at some point in their career. Often it's to take care of a troop.

Now extend it. Where does the line get drawn? At what point do you find the perfect balance between rules that must not be broken and soldiers or marines that must be cared for?

These are hard decisions they are being forced to make-but I think it is important to say these are decision they are forced into. Everyone in Iraq right now is forked, involved in a chess game where they must lose one of two crucial items. It is very hard to leave intact.

I will also agree with Jason that I find it hard to believe that his XO wouldn't completely understand that Marines are often quite happy to use a nuke instead of a flyswatter, if given the option. Army is much the same, in many ways. Few really consider the cost of the rounds. It's often a pleasure simply to shoot.

For all of you watching, I want you to consider Jason Lemieux's story of the XO, and put other words in it. How many times have you heard an XO or a CO say, "This can't go up to battalion like this." Or even, on smaller levels, a platoon sergeant say, "I can't send this to the first sergeant" when evidence materialized that someone in their unit had done something flagrantly wrong. Higher leadership covers up stuff all the time. Whether it's a first sergeant shifting the numbers of his PT failures so it doesn't show on the battalion powerpoint slides or an XO altering a report to show that more incoming rounds were fired than actually were, it's been going on for years, and I can't believe others aren't aware of this as well.

I'm also very glad that Lemieux pointed out that the focus on counterinsurgency is destroying the ability to perform conventional warfare. We do need to be aware of it, but we don't need to completely ignore everything else we've done for the last twenty years.

Winter Soldier On the Hill

2008-05-14T11:00:00.003-04:00

The original blogpost was thoughtful and considered. It was a marvel of blogging style and wit. Unfortunately, Mozilla crashed, and it is lost to the ages.

Thus, you get this one.

I am burning through yet more of my leave days to attend and assist with Winter Soldier on the Hill. How is this possible, you ask? Well, before joining IVAW, I was a leave miser, and started out with enough that I would have had use-or-lose by FY09. IVAW is providing me with an excellent opportunity not to have a use-lose situation.

I am not testifying, but there are nine excellent IVAW members who are. The hearing will be on the 15th of May, 0930-1230, at the 2261 Rayburn House Office Building.

Testifying will be:

Jason Lemieux: One of my favorite conservative voices in IVAW, this three-tour marine will be testifying on loose rules of engagement, the killing of innocent civilians, and the hiding of those killings through falsified reports and cover-ups.

Scott Ewing: A man who's had enough tragedy in his life for ten lifetimes, this cav scout, will be testifying on the killing of innocent civilians, random detainments and house raids, destruction of civilian property, and misrepresentations of the war in the media.

Geoff Millard: Oh, come on! You all know Geoff. What you don't all know is that he's served nine years, two more than me, though he, like me, joined at 17. I joined one month short of my eighteenth birthday, and according to TSO, still have the bunnies and kittens in my eyes. Geoff Millard definitely does not have bunnies and kittens. He will be testifying about racism during his tour, including among high-ranking officials.

Kristofer Goldsmith: Kris Goldsmith served as a forward observer with the Third Infantry Division. He's also a mean man in a mosh pit, and a great guy to have at your back. He served in Sadr City and Baghdad, and was stop-lossed after getting back from Iraq. He will be testifying on low morale and the psychological consequences of the "troop surge", as the breakdown of Iraqi infrastructure.

Casey Porter will be video-testifying from Baghdad. He's an active duty soldier and fairly okay guy, even if he does love shoving cameras in my face. He's an integral part of my team, and the GI outreach video correspondent with the mostest. I don't know what he'll be testifying about, but I'm sure it will be good.

Vincent Emanuele was a Marine rifleman, and also a very good guy. He served in Al Qaim and Al Asad. He will be testifying on the killing of civilians and livestock, the use of drop weapons, racism, and the destruction of property.

James Gilligan served six years with the Marine Corps as an infantryman and Combat Engineer. He was deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan, and Guantanamo Bay. I don't really know him too well, but I'm looking forward to hearing his testimony on the abuse of civilian detainees, looting, destruction of property, racism, equipment shortages, media misrepresentation, and "search and avoid" missions.

Adam Kokesh: Once again, everyone knows Adam. Blogging from Revolutionary Patriot, he will be testifying about the creation of internally displaced refugees during the siege of Fallujah, changing rules of engagement, taking war trophy photographs, and abuse of detainees.

Sergio Kochergin: Another member I don't know but look forward to hearing, Sergio will testify on loose rules of engagement, killing of civilians, dehumanization, and the use of drop weapons.

Luis Montalvan will also be testifying on fraud, waste, and abuse perpetrated by US contractors, negligence and dereliction of duty on the part of commanding officers, and misreporting on the "troop surge".

More of an update

2008-04-29T08:17:00.003-04:00

I know that some of you would greatly prefer that things were all doom and gloom-some of the naysayers charge that all we IVAW members have to offer is negativity. Well, it's a great day outside, and I'm in a great unit with what seems thus far like awesome leadership, so you're all going to have to suck up some positivity.

Once again, I'm not going to name my unit, because they don't deserve the letters I'm sure they would then get from people who don't have anything better to do with their lives. But thus far, the first sergeant and the CO seem to both have their head screwed on pretty tight. Both of them have had a lot of experience, and they seem to understand the Army motto I live by: sometimes things and times have to suck really, really hard. Give your guys as much good times as you can afford, because the day will come when their lives will suck, and they may need that balance. They also seem to take the tack that it is who you are, and what you do for the unit, and not your political views, that matter. I haven't caught any trouble from that Army Times letter, and everyone has been just as helpful as ever.

IVAW in Germany is also very warm and open. Members of IVAW have helped me out, not more than my unit, as was the case back in the States, but about as much as my unit has. I also expect membership to start taking off at any moment, possibly even rivalling the US. People everywhere here seem really aware of the problems in the military caused by the Iraq Occupation. In fact, I have yet to talk to anyone here who thinks the war was a good idea.

Speaking of IVAW, I have once again updated my SGLI (Servicemembers' Group Life Insurance) at yet another SRP..and once again, IVAW comes in for a share of the proceeds. Idealogical opponents with quick tempers and hastier fists, remember if you accidentally kill me, IVAW comes in for a chunk of change! Well, a member, at least, because I couldn't figure out how to leave money to an organization on that form. But that member knows what I want them to do with it.

The cartoon I got the idea from is old as hell, and here. Just for those of you guys who like Vietnam so much.

Back in Business

2008-04-13T17:04:00.002-04:00

Alright, as some of you knew, especially those of you who read the foreign newspapers, even by way of Babelfish, the fuss and commotion and vacation was caused by one thing: my PCS overseas to Germany. It’s a major deployer, and perhaps it’s my cynicism that causes me to expect to be wending my way from there to sandier parts. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a lot of regret at leaving the States, whether I do or don’t wind up visiting places my iMac warrantee won’t cover (They were very pointed about telling me that as soon as you get any sand anywhere in it, it’s done). There are a lot of people that I miss in the States, some of which I didn’t get to say goodbye to. It was in fact a nice surprise to see that, political views aside, as soon as I arrived various companies were fighting over who got to have me. That's either the nice thing about having particular skills, or a really sad statement on how desperate everyone is getting for manning. I'll let you decide. No, I won't tell you which unit seems to have won for the moment, they're a good unit, full of people I've served with before, and don't really need random people trying to light them up for the crime of not murdering me. I should be able to do some really good and useful work, if in fact I stay with this unit, and nobody else ends up winning. They're also offering to try to fix all the things that my last unit jacked up.

Some of you out there will cheer to find out that half of my family has completely disowned me for my IVAW work. I would like to take the opportunity here to alleviate some of their concerns about potential fallout and point out that Gunnery Sergeant Coppa, of the United States Marine Corps, currently serving on his fifth deployment in Iraq, has no knowledge of my political activity whatsoever to my knowledge, and therefore, anyone who thinks that he supports it is probably wrong. Yes, he’s family, and I love him very much whether he supports me or not, and hope for his safe return. But anyone who might have been hassling him because of me is barking up the wrong tree: his politics are his own. Oddly, the other half of my family seems to be taking the MFSO path; I seem to have precipitated my own miniature Civil War. I think everybody's Christmas presents are probably going to be in blue and grey.

Another thing I’ve been talking about has finally materialized. With thanks to an artist who made the design possible(who will be named as soon as he OKs it), I have now acquired what I refer to as “my IVAW tattoo”, though it is far more than just the logo, and reflects a lot of my more personal beliefs. The tattoist was shocked that my first tattoo, I chose to sit through thirteen hours of stenciling and needles, but I believe that if I’m going to do something, I may as well do it right. It is now permanently emblazoned on my arm, and I am very proud of it. I believe that if something is in your heart, it is moral cowardice not to share it. Photos will be forthcoming as soon as it heals. For those of you who are critical that my first tattoo is "not feminine enough", and purely military-related, I promise to take a butterfly-and-roses lower back tattoo into due consideration as soon as my first frontal lobotomy is complete.

I have seen the movie Stoploss, and will in fact be reviewing it for SITREP, which is the only reason that I'm not posting about it here. Suffice it to say that I was favorably impressed. Also, if you have PTSD, don't see it alone. I know I say that a lot, but I do like giving fair warning. I have not yet seen "Body of War", though I have been able to listen to the CD, which is absolutely fabulous.

There's a lot of stuff going on in the blogosphere I haven't really been able to react to. Now that I have more stable internet access, I will attempt it-but not today.

Vacation, and tattoo murmurings.

2008-04-06T16:25:00.002-04:00

Alright, folks. Taking a "vacation" from blogging. I have a lot of stuff to do in a few days, and after that I will be in an area where I will have to switch my internet coverage, and it may take some time. I will officially be off the blogscene for about a week. I know there's some stuff floating around there that needs correction, some stuff that needs posting about, but it will just have to wait a week.

In other news, there is a fabulous artist who is currently involved in designing a tattoo for me. I never thought I'd be getting one, and I'm definitely not letting anyone else choose any components, but there are a lot of feelings in my heart that I don't think are going away. There are some great ideas which I hope can come together in a visual design. If it does, I will keep everyone posted on the status, and possibly take some pictures of the process.

To Get My Street Cred Back...

2008-03-29T19:19:00.002-04:00

I promise, IVAW isn't always sappy.

Thanks, Kris, for helping me to prove it.

On the non-IVAW side of the house and related to Things That Are Angry, Calm Before the Sand has returned from Iraq and resumed blogging again, and his posts are real doozies, from talking about those who would glorify war in fiction to his post on the 4000th death in Iraq, which deserves not just a link but a quote:

It hasn't ended. It's not going to end. Don't talk to me about "honoring the sacrifice of our veterans." I sacrificed, without complaint, and you pissed on it. You threatened my life, threatened my career, told me I was a lesser human being for speaking out. No, I say: you don't get to say a word. YOU are no longer a part of this conversation. For five years, FIVE YEARS, we listened to you in your cries for more blood, more treasure. We bowed to your dreams of secular Arab utopia, and look what our passivity has wrought.

I'd also like to introduce a new blogger...an active duty soldier with IVAW Fort Hood. Name is confidential, but I have high hopes for this self-starter, who also happens to be pretty damn funny.

This should be a wakeup call to the millions of Americans who don't even care enough to register to vote, let alone get off their asses and protest. This war will not end itself. Congress will not write itself and Washington, DC will not fill itself with people against this immoral, illegal war, and the "man" who started it. Don't throw your voice away! Don't wait for this November to come around. If our ancestors had this "wait it out" mentality, we'd all have a bunch of British soldiers sipping our tea living in our houses.

Winter Soldier: The Sappy Post

2008-03-29T19:04:00.002-04:00

Thank you.
To every one of the hundreds of servicemembers and veterans of IVAW who were able to physically join us, thank you.
Thank you to those who took part in the photo, as well as to those who were still sleeping in, working on the media team, the testimonial team, the logistics team, or any other team I've forgotten that were too busy running around getting all the work done to take part in an attempted group picture.

Some of you are going to accuse me of being too sappy, but I'm going to say it: we are forever bonded. You will always be my family. No matter what position you happen to fill in that family (and yes, annoying little sister and obnoxious big brother are both already filled), or even if you become that alcoholic uncle no one likes to talk about, we will always be family. Any of you can always come knocking on my door at three in the morning. Come tired, and I'll give you a bed. Come hungry, and I will feed you. Come sober, and I'll give you a beer if you want one.

Remember that this is only the beginning. Remember that the St. Crispin's Day speech could as easily apply to this as to a battle. Remember that even if the music is corny, it is absolutely right: we have a sacred charge; we have a duty; our honor compels that we will change the world and make it better.

I love you all.

Jason Mattera and Selective Reporting

2008-03-27T16:41:00.003-04:00

It's come to my attention through Michelle Malkin and Jon Lilyea of This Aint Hell, that Mr. Mattera, whom I met at Winter Soldier wearing a media badge, had done a piece about Winter Soldier and asking various individuals whether they would sign affidavits.

An exciting story, some might say, especially those from the pro-war side. It's billed as IVAW on the whole being unwilling to sign affidavits. It would be an exciting story, and quite a scoop for Mr. Mattera....

...if it were true.

Those of you who have encountered me know many things about me. One of which is that I do not hesitate to call people out on both sides when I have personal knowledge of a situation. Another is that I don't call people out unless I'm sure they're in some way being deceptive. I invited and hosted conservative milbloggers, and while I might not be happy with all of their stories, it was not my place to make editorial comments.

One thing you may not know about me, and you certainly would never get a hint from the story that Jason Mattera ran, is that I, too, had the dubious pleasure of being interviewed by him.

Mr. Mattera didn't seem to enjoy the interview, though. After all, I said in the first few minutes that I had signed sworn statements, and while I couldn't produce them immediately, I was happy to do so again. In fact, anyone who ever wants me to swear to anything I say, break out the forms and witnesses, and I'm happy to get them done. I also talked about patriotism, and loving America, and pride in the Army. As this conversation went on, Mr. Mattera appeared to get a bit of a sour taste in his mouth. It's almost as though that weren't the story he wanted to hear. While he reluctantly agreed with me that America was in fact the greatest country in the world and it was our responsibility to keep it that way, I had a sense that he couldn't wait to put down the mike and the videocamera, and leave me for more tempting pastures.

Mr. Mattera, unlike certain other gentlemen, greatly ignored the rules of the event. If you look at the video, you will see him interviewing Jason Hurd by what looks like Jason Hurd's POV. This would be in the makeshift parking lot. That means that he broke outside of the main hall and harassed people getting things from their cars to do interviews. Why might he do a thing like that, when there were literally hundreds of IVAW members in the main halls? Probably because he wasn't getting the answers he wanted. The answers he had to selectively cut and paste to even attempt to make a video, that doesn't really say what he wants it to say.

Mr. Mattera, one might ask why my voice and those others who stated they would be happy to sign statements on the spot weren't included? You accuse IVAW of selectively choosing what they present, yet you are guilty of the same thing yourself. Most of what you have to show is people saying "I can't speak for other people". Not them saying they wouldn't do anything, but them saying they can't advise anyone else on what to do. Because it's frankly not their business. They're speaking for self, something I was always taught to do in the military.

I've left some comments on this video, and I've also taken the step of calling the YAF and asking to speak to Mr. Mattera. He declined to take my call, but I have left my telephone number on his voicemail. We'll see if I get a call back-but somehow I doubt it, given the extreme lack of journalistic integrity Mr. Mattera has displayed.

After Winter Soldier

2008-03-24T17:28:00.002-04:00

Winter Soldier. I really need to blog about it in depth. To blog about everything that happened, everything it meant, the ups and the downs, the wild whirlwind it was. (I can afford to get lyrical, now that I'm publicly out as being female. You can all live with it.)

But I can't just yet. It really was too intense. I know a lot of people elsewhere in the blogosphere are laughing at the thought that mental health folk might be needed. I know a lot of people are talking negatively about the VVAW providing security and in some cases mental health assistance.

But mentally strong as I would consider myself to be, the pace of Winter Soldier and the emotional, mental, and physical requirements inherent in it nearly broke me down. And a very kind VVAW gentleman, whose name I wish I could remember, helped me up. It really helped to have the older vets explaining that they had lived with these things for years, and some of them had found solutions to them.

When you put a whole bunch of people with PTSD together and throw them into a stressful situation that forces a lot of reliving things people would prefer to forget, it's pretty tough. Someone elsewhere commented on the fact that the audiences for the panels were not mainly OIF/OEF vets. This is true-primarily because the OIF/OEF vets had the majority of recent experience with combat and conflict and simply could not sit through the testimony about it comfortably . You take someone with PTSD and offer them a chance to sit through a two hour presentation guaranteed to trigger it, let alone many of them, many of them will say, "Thank you, but no thank you." It's simply self-survival. I don't know a single IVAW member who sat through every panel. This reason is and was a major factor. People were pretty hyped up just having to talk about things.

For me personally, it was also a very different experience: appearing publicly meant that you are, quite simply, public. There's no way to avoid it. All of us were interviewed six ways from Sunday, including by quite a persistent conservative gentleman, who seemed actually disappointed that I loved my country and was quite willing to swear to anything I said under oath, and had already filed sworn statements on some of my intended subject matter. Denis, I think you may have given him unrealistic expectations.

On the subject of interviews: I really can't speak many of the languages that I was apparently interviewed by and translated into. So I will have to rely on the Babelfish translation of one or two of the interviews, when I state the following corrections:

First, and most important, I do not "prefer" to speak English. I speak English. I prefer to speak English only in the sense that I prefer to speak rather than remain silent. This is much in the same sense that I prefer to eat food rather than starve, and wear clothing rather than run around naked. I do not have any other languages fluently. While I speak bits and pieces of Latin, Greek, French, Italian, Korean, Spanish, and German, if I am required to do anything rather than curse, ask for the bathroom, or talk like a three year old, I must use English, because it is the only language I have the ability to do it in.

Secondly, my family also did not 'flee the revolution in 1979'. In 1979, my father and mother, who are both native-born Americans, born in Brooklyn, New York, which I understand can occasionally seem like another country to those of you not fond of NYC, were probably eating pizza in their Brooklyn apartment. Their parents were in fact immigrants. However, it was over fifty years ago.

If any of this is inaccurate and I am maligning the paper which published this, I blame Babelfish. Or perhaps, my decision to speak in my 'preferred' English. Otherwise, there could be a great article on how I love Taco Bell, I feel so-so, I do not love the war, and it is very cold outside. Perhaps there would have even been time for a fascinating detour into the exciting world of where precisely the library is, and how my house would be their house.